Bowsette’s Princess Lessons: Chapter III: To The Library!

 Bowsette’s Princess Lessons: Chapter III: To The Library! By Yu May

The librarian, Litera Toad (friends called her “Litera T.”), was having a most unpleasant day. First, that ill-mannered Bowser had spoiled her lunch with his noisy surprise attack. No sooner had she fled to her library to escape the enemy soldiers, then she discovered the explosions that had destroyed most of the castle dining room had also knocked some books off the shelves! The horror! She had just had enough time to put the library in order, when a huge group of people burst in, led by Mario and Princess Peach, rambling on about needing to read the ancient scrolls documenting the history of the Royal House of Toadstool.

Princess Peach had personally promised that all would be set in order once they’d completed their emergency research project. Even then, the only thing that had persuaded Litera T. to let them so much as touch the delicate, ancient scrolls was when Goombella mentioned she was a student of Professor Frankly. 

For a pregnant moment, Litera folded her arms and tapped her high-heeled toe furiously. “Well, I suppose that old duff must have taught you something! But I don’t want all of you crowding the ancient archives. Do you have any idea how delicate ancient papyrus is? The room’s temperature has to be strictly regulated! And what about those two Bob-ombs? If one of them so much as sneezes, they could incinerate the entire archive!”

Mario’s mustache twitched. The two Bob-ombs in question, Bombette and Admiral Bobbery, glanced apologetically at their fuses. Peach started to protest, not wanting any of Mario’s old companions to feel excluded, only for Litera T. to whip a wooden ruler out of her sleeve, faster than most ancient warriors could draw a sword from a sheathe. “Mind your manners, Princess. I can still rap your knuckles if I need to!”

Thankfully, Admiral Bobbery, who was the oldest and wisest of the group, gracefully intervened. “Pardon me, but I don’t think I’d be much use to you in a library, Mario. What say those of us who aren’t archaeologists retire for the night? Princess Peach, if you have need of us in the morning, you’ll find us refreshed and ready!”

“Well, at least someone here has a dose of common sense!” harrumphed Litera T.

Peach sighed in relief. “An excellent suggestion, Admiral! I’ll have the Royal Toad Guard escort you all to your own guest rooms.” 

Litera adjusted her thick spectacles. “Then, who in the group is going to the archives? I have a strict limit of 8 persons at a time!”

Peach bowed demurely, “That should suffice! The group will include myself, Sir Mario, Sir Luigi, Princess Daisy, Ms. Goombella, Mr. Kooper–”

“And me, Mr. Goombario!” squeaked the young Goomba, hopping on one foot as he raised his field journal high.

Litera T. narrowed her eyes at Goombario. “Are you a student of Professor Frankly? You look a bit young to be at university!”

Goombario bit his lip. Technically, he was only an incoming freshman in the undergraduate archaeology program at U-Goom. “Well, uh…”

Kooper clapped Goombario across the back, “Ma’am, I’ll have you know this goomba is one of the most promising archaeology students U-Goom has ever had! I’m just sad Koopa Tech couldn’t steal him away from you!”

Litera T. nodded. “Very well. If he isn’t careful with those scrolls, I’m taking it out of your shell, Young Master Kooper!”

Finally satisfied, the stern librarian escorted Mario, Luigi, Princess Peach, Princess Daisy to the ancient archives. Of Mario’s fifteen companions, only Goombella, Kooper, and Goombario remained with them. 

In the archive room, Kooper, who specialized in cartography, busied himself by examining ancient maps of Mushroom Kingdom, carefully drawing a copy and taking notes. “This is incredible, Princess! I had no idea the Mushroom Kingdom once controlled so much of the Koopa Kingdom’s territory!”

Peach nodded. “Yes! In its early history, the Mushroom Kingdom was an expansive Empire. In fact, the same royal family that ruled the Mushroom Kingdom also once ruled Sarasaland, but King Toadstool II divided the lands between his two sons.”

Fascinated, Daisy watched Kooper meticulously measuring out a graph for his map, before snapping to attention at the mention of her home country of Sarasaland. “Yeah, Peach and I are, like, distant cousins or something?”

“Third cousins, once removed!”

“Oh yeah! So you’re Great-Great-Grandpa Chintz’s Great-Great-Great-Grandaughter!”

“No, Daisy, I’m your Great-Great-Great-Grandma Calico’s Great-Great-Grandaughter.”

Daisy squinted as she tried to recall the royal family history classes she hadn’t napped through. “Oh! So, what does that make us?”

“Third cousins, once removed.”

Eager to help, Goombario cleared his throat. “Hey! I found something interesting! These characters are Old Shroomish! It says…‘Hi, Lulu!’”

“Who’s Lulu?” asked Luigi.

Goombario glanced back at the word sheepishly. “No clue. But I can tell it’s a formal name because of the diacritic mark above the name!”

Goombella glanced over at Goombario’s notes. “Good work, Goombario! But that’s not Old Shroomish. It’s, like, a totally different language.”

Goombario scowled. “But these are all Old Shroomish characters! I recognize them from Professor Frankly’s Intro To Old and Middle Shroomish!”

Goombella nodded, her inner-geek mode activating. “Correct, the characters are the same used in all Old Shroomish texts, but apart from a few words, the actual language is different. See how the sentences are constructed? This is way more complicated grammar than Old Shroomish.” 

Goombario blushed as he realized his mistake. When he’d first met Goombella, her habit of using valley girl expressions had given him the impression she was an airhead. Now he found himself struggling to keep up. As Goombario struggled to remember anything he’d read that could help, Goombella started to chatter. “Princess Peach, this is incredible! Why hasn’t anyone at U-Goom had a chance to transcribe these before?”

Everyone flinched at the sound of Litera the librarian’s ruler cracking against her open palm. “Inside voices inside the library, please!”

Princess Peach folded her arms, subconsciously wanting to protect her palms and knuckles from the fury of the wooden ruler.

Goombella nodded apologetically, then lowered her voice. “My apologies, Ma’am! We’ll try to keep it down! Ahem! Goombario, do me a favor and start making an exact copy of this. We can send it to Professor Frankly for advice on how to translate it.”

Thrilled to have something useful to do, Goombario barely contained a scream of joy. “Eep! Right away, Professor Goombella!”

“Oh no! I’m still just a teaching assistant. Decoding this language could take months, years, even assuming we have a large enough sample to work with. In the meantime, I’ve been scanning the scrolls we have, to find any mention of a ‘crown’ or a ‘queen.’ Princess Peach, Princess Daisy, this is where you could be of most help to me.”

Princess Peach curtsied. “I am happy to oblige, Miss Goombella! Ask us anything.”

Peach turned to find Daisy still fixated on Kooper’s cartography project. “Woah! You’re so good at drawing, dude! Man, I love maps!”

“Thank you!” said Kooper, without breaking his attention on his task for an instant.

When she felt Peach gently tap her elbow, Daisy jumped into a martial arts stance. “Hiya! I’m ready! Who do we have to kill?”

Daisy stiffened when she felt the librarian slap her sharply across the behind with the wooden ruler. “Lower your voice inside the library, Princess Daisy!”

Daisy felt a single tear welling up, but with a sharp intake of breath, put on her game face. “Sorry, ma’am! Phew! …That librarian of yours is a real battle axe, Peach. I like her!” 

Peach delicately directed Daisy’s attention to Goombella. “Thank you, Daisy. Now, Goombella, please continue. You have our full attention!”

Not wanting to hurt the delicate scrolls, Goombella flipped through her notebook, which contained all her relevant observations so far. “Well, from what I understand, these scrolls record the entire history of the Royal Family. But there seems to be quite a bit of myth and legend mixed in with the history. I’m trying to sort out fact from fiction. What can you tell me about the first Queen of the Mushroom Kingdom?”

“Well, I was taught that she ascended to the throne as a result of a succession crisis. King Toadstool I died without fathering a son to inherit the throne, so a council of elders was formed, and his eldest daughter was appointed as Crown Princess until the time she could give birth to a son.”

Daisy rolled her eyes. “Ugh! So just because she was born a girl, she couldn’t be Queen? Why did they have to be so uptight about boys and girls back then? I’m a girl, and my dad says that I can do anything if I set my mind to it, including being a wise Queen!”

Peach shrugged. “It was a different time, Daisy. The first King of the Mushroom Kingdom wasn’t just a hereditary ruler. He was a military leader. Back then, a king had to be the type of man who could command respect from an entire army of men, and fight alongside them if needed!”

Daisy started a death-stare contest with Peach. “And we can’t do that? Just because we’re girls? That’s not fair!”

Peach stood her ground. “Is it fair that only men were required to serve in those armies?”

Momentarily, Daisy was at a loss for words. Daisy glanced around the room, as if hoping to find a witty retort written on one of the piles of books and scrolls. When she caught sight of Luigi, her face turned red as a toadstool. “Why, oh, why did I have to have a brain fart now?” she thought.

Oblivious to Daisy’s dilemma, Luigi stroked his chin. “Huh. Wow, Peach, I never thought about it that way…but, aren’t you going to inherit the throne of Mushroom Kingdom?”

“YEAH!!!” boomed Daisy! 

“CRACK!” went the librarian’s ruler across the Princess of Sarasaland’s royal behind.

Daisy felt a shiver travel up her spine, inhaled sharply, and grit her teeth. “...sorry, ma’am…inside voice…”

Carefully, Daisy lowered her voice to a whisper, but she also tapped Peach’s chest and gesticulated wildly as if she really wanted to scream at the top of her lungs. “...yeah…you’re going to be Queen of the Mushroom Kingdom…but you wouldn’t have been allowed to ascend the throne back then…you think that’s fair, Peach?”

“I don’t disagree with you, Daisy. My point is, in those days, the people of the Mushroom Kingdom believed it was important for there to always be a King of the Mushroom Kingdom to protect them. Today, I have counselors, generals, good men I can rely on…” as Peach caught sight of Mario, standing like a silent statue listening to every word she said, Peach felt goosebumps, “...to lend me their courage. In our day and age, I don’t have to charge into battle to be a good Queen. I don’t think I’d be able to do something like that.”

Daisy caught sight of the librarian out of the corner of her eye, and barely controlled her desire to shout her battle cry to the heavens. “Sure, but just because we don’t have to fight, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be able to fight!” 

Daisy pulled Peach into a one-armed hug. “And when the day comes that the forces of evil try to destroy you and everything you love, Peach, I solemnly vow to fight side-by-side with you! ‘Til victory, or ‘til death!”

Peach paused to collect her thoughts. “...Thank you, Daisy. You’re such a good friend.”

Touched by this display, but also impatient for more information, Goombella interjected. “Princess Peach, you said Queen Toadstool was originally granted the title of Crown Princess. What changed? How did she become Queen?”

Peach extricated herself from Daisy’s embrace. “Well, her cousin, Duke Shitake of Sarasaland, claimed a hereditary right to the throne of Mushroom Kingdom.”

Daisy raised her hand. “Ooh! I know about him. He was the Big Cheese in Sarasaland before our family’s royal line was established. Shitake was a nasty guy. Before him, Sarasaland was traditionally divided into four minor kingdoms. But he treated all of them like dirt, and tried to force them all under a one-size-fits-all system, where he controlled everything!”

Mario snorted once, but didn’t interrupt.

Daisy inhaled, then pressed a fist against her mouth to stop herself from screaming. “Waittaminnit! I remember now! Didn’t he force Crown Princess Toadstool to marry him?”

The room went dead silent. “Nice and quiet. Now, that’s more like it!” thought Litera T.

Peach sighed. “That’s correct, Daisy. To avoid a war, the Council of Regents arranged a political marriage between Duke Shitake and Crown Princess Toadstool…”

Mario clutched his arms so tightly, the fabric of his sleeves creaked. “I don’t suppose Crown Princess Toadstool had any say in the matter?”

Peach shook her head. “I don’t know, Mario. My history is sketchy on the details. Political marriages were common at the time. It’s possible she consented to the marriage…”

“And that makes it okay? Marry me, or else? ‘It was a different time,’ after all!” growled Mario.

Peach was taken aback. “Mario? Surely, you don’t think I approve of what the Council of Elders did? Duke Shitake was a mad tyrant. What they did was wrong!”

Still hot under the collar, Mario took off his hat and ran his fingers through his hair, but his voice was gentle as he spoke to Peach. “Peach? I wasn’t trying to say you agree. Of course not! You’ve got your head screwed on right, it’s just…irritating. All these wannabe big-shots, Duke Shitake, King Koopa, pushing people around, telling them what to do!” 

Oblivious to the tension between Mario and Peach, Daisy slapped Mario across the back. “Yeah! Good one, Mario! Guys like that need a swift kick in the ass, as my Dad would say! …Oop! But I’m not supposed to repeat that!”

Peach strained her memory to recall more details from her history lessons at Princess Academy. “And anyway, the marriage didn’t even do anything to solve the succession crisis. After the marriage, they never had any children, which meant there was still no male heir…But, Goombella, most of this is standard history. Surely you must know all of this already?”

Goombella nodded. “I’m familiar with the basics. But it’s good to hear it from your perspective, Peach. This is your family history after all. What happened to Queen Toadstool?”

A sly grin crept across Peach’s normally stoic face. “Oh! That’s why I was always so interested in her story. You see, once he assumed he had full military control over Castle Toadstool, Duke Shitake illegally disbanded the Council of Elders. When Queen Toadstool didn’t give birth to a son for him, or bear any children for that matter, he accused her of witchcraft and tried to have her executed. Only she turned the tables on him! You see, Duke Shitake put her in charge of all the household affairs…”

“A woman’s place is in the home?” asked Kooper with amusement, still not looking up from his cartography project.

Peach giggled. “Precisely, Kooper! And she used that position to fill the castle staff with those loyal to her father’s rule. So, when Duke Shitake attempted his little coup d’etat, he found himself trapped in a palace surrounded by Toadstool royalists!”

Daisy started hopping on the balls of her feet. “Yeah! And then there was some wicked siege warfare! Dad showed me how it all played out on his wargame table! See, the power ups were completely different back then, so to defend the castle…”

Before Daisy could launch into an autistically-detailed description of medieval Mushroom Kingdom war tactics, Goombella intervened. “Queen Toadstool developed most of what became the standard power ups: red mushrooms, green mushrooms, and fire flowers.”

Mario’s magnificent mustache curled in shock. “Wait, Queen Toadstool invented the power ups?”

Peach shook her head. “Not all of them. But she certainly had a hand in those three. Why do you think they’re spread all around the Mushroom Kingdom in question mark blocks? We want our people armed and ready for anything!”

Luigi raised a hand, “I’m assuming she won, right? So, what’d she end up doing to Duke Shitake? Did she let him go back to Sarasaland?”

“Hell no!” barked Princess Daisy.

“Ahem!” chirped Litera Toad, folding her arms as she gripped her wooden ruler, and tapping her foot.

Daisy’s eyes went wide, and her normally tan face went so pale, her freckles seemed to appear from nowhere. “Oh, my bad…I’ll just…” 

Daisy meekly put her hands on her knees, presenting her bottom as an easy target. After Litera whacked Daisy across the behind three times, the librarian clicked her tongue. “Tut, tut, tut! That’s your last warning, Princess Daisy. You may stand up.”

“Yes’m!” squeaked Daisy, wincing. Unlike Peach, Daisy preferred not to wear a bustle under her dress, a decision she was now regretting. Determined to behave like a proper princess, Daisy folded her hands in front of her, imitating Peach’s demure, refined posture. “Shitake was stripped of his title as Duke of Sarasaland, along with his lands. However, Queen Toadstool spared his nephew, Shitake Jr., and approved a marriage between him and her younger sister, Princess Calico.”

Mario raised an eyebrow. “Approved a marriage? Did she let them marry of their own free will? You don’t think she’d force her own sister into an arranged marriage, after what happened to her, do you?”

Daisy shrugged and looked to Peach, hoping for an answer.

Peach only bowed her head. “I wish I knew, Mario. Most likely, the marriage was arranged for political purposes, but that doesn’t necessarily mean Queen Toadstool forced her sister into the marriage against her will. If it’s any comfort, Shitake Jr. and Princess Calico apparently had many children, and some of our oldest love poems and romantic tales center on their marriage! I’d like to think they were one another’s true love, even if it began as an arranged marriage.”

Mario resisted the urge to tease Peach, instead patting her on the back. “Never change, Princess!”

It was Mario’s way of silently saying, “Let’s not have this argument again!” As a blue-collar kid from Brooklyn, Mario had never quite adjusted to the medieval politics of the Mushroom Kingdom. 

Peach thrilled at the touch, and correctly guessed its hidden meaning. It had been years since he and Luigi had first teleported to this strange land through a warp pipe, and Peach found his stories about “America” and “Constitutional Democratic Republics” every bit as strange. Feeling oddly comforted, Peach addressed Goombella. “Well, Goombella, Goombario, Kooper, I’m sure you know the rest. Queen Toadstool made Shitake II and Princess Calico stewards of the Throne of the Mushroom Empire. Their first-born son became King Toadstool II, and his twin sons inherited the Thrones of Mushroom Kingdom and Sarasaland, respectively.”

Daisy pointed two thumbs toward herself, and remembered to whisper just in time to avoid the wrath of the wooden ruler. “...And we restored autonomy to the Governors of the four administrative wards of Sarasaland! Power to the people, baby!” 

“Right on!” added Kooper, holding out a fist to fist bump Daisy, and still not looking up from his calculations. Having finished his copy of the archaic map of the Mushroom Empire, he was now attempting to update it according to a modern knowledge of geography.

Still feeling embarrassed by his earlier gaffes, Goombario looked up from his progress transcribing the mysterious language. The illuminated art depicting knights and shadow monsters decorating the scrolls was pretty cool, but he wasn’t sure how helpful any of it would be. “Yeah, Goombella. But you and I already know all this stuff? What’s the relevance? How is this history lesson going to help us deal with Bowser?”

Goombella carefully opened two scrolls of papyri and a thick book to spots she had previously noted. “Simple, I didn’t know for sure about Queen Toadstool’s connection to the Power Ups. Now that I’ve heard Princess Peach’s account of her family history, I think my hunch is correct. Look at this illustration of a crown. The notes in Shroomish describe it as an early prototype for a Power Up!”

Everyone quickly, but silently, shoved to get a look at the illustration. Even Kooper, who had been engrossed in his cartography, couldn’t resist. “And that’s a floor plan for the Dry Dry Desert Pyramid! That fits perfectly with where you guys say you found Bowser’s mystery crown!”

Goombario whooped in delight as he examined the Old Shroomish characters and found he could pick out a few words. “Woo hoo! And that’s an illustration of a Duplighost, and the word ‘illusion’! The Power Up transforms your appearance to the likeness of another person, along with letting you imitate their abilities! Just like a Duplighost’s power!”

Thwack! 

Litera Toad landed her ruler across Goombario’s backside. She wasn’t quite sure where to aim to land the blow on a goomba’s butt, but her guess was roughly correct.

“Sorry, ma’am!” hissed Goombario, mourning the loss of his brief moment of triumph.

“At least it’s not me getting thumped on!” thought Princess Daisy.  

Luigi pressed his fist against his lips, deep in thought. “But that doesn’t explain the firepower Bowser had. If he was just imitating Peach, she doesn’t have explosion magic…right, Peach?”

At the news that someone in her library might possess explosion magic, Litera Toad’s ruler-hand was twitching, ready to distribute a volley of stinging whacks, even to Princess Peach.

Painfully aware of the ruler, Peach was quick to answer. “No. I don’t have that power. Which means it can’t be simple illusion magic.”

Goombella gestured to another illustration. “Here’s my working hypothesis. Let’s say Queen Toadstool designs a Crown that functions like a sort of ‘Practice Power Up.’ Any time she experiments with new magic, she infuses it into the crown for a test drive. Want to test out new, explosive fire flowers? Use the crown to experiment with your magic. If it works, you develop a new Power Up based on that magic. If not, back to the drawing board. Dooplighosts were probably the inspiration for the powerups that involve transformation. Good catch, Goombario!”

At the sound of Goombella’s supportive words, Goombario felt his stinging pride soothed slightly. (Though the spot where the ruler had landed was still smarting.)

Daisy scratched her head. “So, that’s it? Bowser has the equivalent of a permanent Power Up stuck to his head? Well, that’s not so bad. We use Power Ups all the time. They’re useful, but not likely to blow up the Palace or anything!”

Luigi shook his head. “It’s worse than that, Daisy. One Power Up by itself is a weapon, but who knows how this crown works? What if it stored all the magic the Queen of the Mushroom Kingdom ever tested on it? It’d be like having every Power Up you could ever need, all at once! …Uh, Daisy? Why are you looking at me like that?”

Luigi paused as he saw the inscrutable expression on Daisy’s face. “Oh no! Now she’s mad at me for interrupting her! I’m such a jerk! She’s probably going to put me in a headlock and give me noogies later!” thought Luigi.

Daisy almost purred. “Mmm! Luigi is so smart. I’m such a goof! I just want to put him in a headlock and give him noogies to show him how much I appreciate him! But I’ll wait til later!” thought Daisy.

Peach sighed. “I was worried about this. All this work and we still don’t have much to go on… Thank you, Goombella, Kooper, Goombario. You’ve all done excellent work! I’ll send for Professor Frankly and Professor Toad. I’m assigning each of you a Toad from my personal staff to act as your assistants. Anything you need, name it, and it’s yours…Mizz. Litera Toad, may they have permission to access these materials as needed?”

Litera nodded, pleased that Peach was not overstepping her authority in the library. “These two are welcome anywhere, anytime!” she gestured to Goombella and Kooper in turn. 

She aimed her ruler at Goombario, and checked her swing a few inches away from his nose (or rather, the spot where his nose would have been if Goombas had noses). “You, I’m not so sure about. But, as long as you’re accompanied by an adult, I’ll allow it.”

Goombario gulped. “Yes ma’am!” 

Satisfied, Litera Toad marched away, still keeping an ear open for overly loud comments in her library. Goombario fumed silently. “This sucks! Goombella and Kooper aren’t much older than I am! Why am I the only one singled out?”

But before he could start sulking properly, Peach put a supportive hand on his hat. “Goombario, could you do me a favor? I’d like a copy of those ancient texts you were transcribing. The ones written in the mystery language?”

Goombario felt a mix of pride and confusion. “You want to be able to read these? Don’t get me wrong, they’re super cool, but this just looks like a mythic history of the Mushroom Kingdom.”

“The myths are what interest me the most. My father taught me that every legend contains a grain of truth.”

It occurred to Goombario that Peach might just be trying to make him feel better. “Don’t you want me to help Goombella on the crown stuff? That’s going to be way more important. Anyway, I can’t read this stuff!”

Goombella shook her head. “I can’t read that language either, Goombario, but Kooper and I can read Old Shroomish. It makes sense. We concentrate on translating the Old Shroomish texts quickly, while you take the first stab at decoding the mystery language. If anything, you’ve got the harder job.”

“Really? You think I can do it?”

Kooper clicked his tongue. “Goombario, you can do anything you set your mind to.”

“Right on!” said Daisy, giving Kooper a fist bump.

As Goombario felt the meaning of Kooper’s words sink in, he looked at Goombella, and suddenly saw her in a new light. He remembered the annoyance he felt when he realized Mario had replaced him with another Goomba. But now, she wasn’t just “Mario’s other goomba pal.” She wasn’t someone he had to outdo. She was a teammate. “Let’s-a go!” said Goombario.

Everyone put their hands in a circle, ready to cheer, “Let’s–” 

With a furtive look at Litera Toad’s ruler, they all finished the chant in a whisper. “Let’s-a go!”

As the team finished their cheer, Peach insisted that everyone should get some rest after their long day. It was already past midnight. Without being asked, Mario escorted Peach safely to the hall that led to her bedchamber. It had been his silent custom since rescuing Princess Toadstool the very first time she was kidnapped by Bowser, before he and Peach were on a first-name basis.

Peach felt the palpable silence of the castle. For years, she’d allowed Mario to make this quiet, gallant gesture. She’d never felt before that she had to say anything. It was as if saying “Thank you,” would be too crude and clumsy as a recognition of his chivalry. But something about Bowser’s words was haunting her. What had Bowser called it? “The Friend-Zone?” Was Peach really taking advantage of Mario? How many times had he risked his life to help her, without expectation of a reward?

Peach felt hot anger at Bowser, but when Mario caught her eye, she felt she couldn’t simply say goodnight, as was their custom. “Thank you, Mario, for everything you did today!”

Mario curled his lip. “Don’t thank me, Princess! Feels like I spent most of my time standing around the library, hoping our friends could figure something out.”

“No, you deserve a ‘Thank you.’ You deserve so much more than a simple ‘Thank you.’ I’m sorry I don’t say it more often.”

Mario removed his hat, and bowed his head. “When you look at me and smile, you show me more gratitude than the words ‘Thank you,’ could ever express. Good night, Princess.”

As she saw him turn away, Peach couldn’t help but call out. “I don’t know why you help me, Mario. You’re not a subject of the Mushroom Kingdom. Why do you do it?”

Mario froze, then turned back to look at her. “Because, it’s the right thing to do.”

Even as she heard Mario’s words warm her heart, she also heard Bowser’s taunt echoing in her ears. Mario’s words were so good, so true, so beautiful, that she felt unworthy of them. 

Peach felt like she had a peach pit in her stomach. 

After sharing a long, longing glance, Peach and Mario finally turned and walked away from each other. Both muttered under their breath, “We have to get that crown away from Bowser.”

Once the Bowser problem was taken care of, then they would finally have the time they needed to talk.

…

The moment that Mario and Peach mentioned Bowser’s name, Bowser sneezed in his/her sleep and awoke, groggily. Oblivious to what was transpiring elsewhere in the castle, Bowser yawned and stretched, his/her massive breasts flopping free in the cool air. 

“That was strange. I dreamt I was trapped in the middle of a bizarre fan-fiction written by an autistic woman with a thinly-veiled spanking fetish, only this one chapter kept going on and on with all this detailed lore about thrones and successions and junk…Ugh, so boring! Thank goodness it was just a dream. I can’t wait to bust out of here and start kicking ass and taking names! It’s gonna’ be so cool!”

With that, Bowsette flopped back onto his/her pillow and fell soundly asleep.

[End of Chapter III]