Bowsette’s Princess Lessons: Chapter XII: Shadows, Spectres, and Steamed Hams Sequences

Bowsette’s Princess Lessons

Chapter XII: Shadows, Spectres, and Steamed Hams Sequences

Spike the Lakitu carried Princess Peach in one hand, and Princess Daisy in the other. Peach was carrying Goombario on her back, and she and Daisy used their free hands to carry Toadette between them. Toadette was carrying Goombella on her back. Furthermore, Kooper was clinging to Princess Peach’s legs, Koops was clinging to Princess Daisy’s legs, and Koopie Koo was clinging to Toadette’s legs. And thanks to that bastard Sir Issaac Newton for discovering the laws of gravity, that meant Spike was carrying everybody. Without the aid of Madame Flurrie’s guiding wind, the poor Lakitu could never have managed it. Even so, his eyes bulged behind his magnificent new sunglasses. “Can’t…hold…on…much…longer!”

Goombario bared his buck teeth. “Spike, if you drop us, Goombaria’s gonna’ tell everyone your name is really Jugemu Jugemu Pokopii Lakileter, AKA “Jonathan,” AKA “Spike” the Lakitu at my funeral.”

Spike grinned to hide the pain. “But…how will you tell her, if I drop you, Goombario?”

“I won’t. I just know Goombaria and that’s exactly the kind of stunt she’d pull. It’s not a threat, Spike. I’m simply informing you of the most likely possibility, should you drop the ball.”

“Spike…the Lakitu…does…not…drop…the ball…nor his friends!”

Madame Flurrie puffed up her cheeks, before blowing another gentle updraft. “Boys! Now is not the time for such frivolities. Besides, you aren’t exactly the most aerodynamic craft I’ve ever piloted. This is much more tricky than trying to help Mario fly in paper airplane mode.”

Kooper looked askance at Madame Flurrie. “Wait, Mario has a paper airplane mode? What is that?”

Koops raised a finger as he clung to Princess Daisy’s legs for dear life. “Well, you know, Kuh-Kooper. It’s–ah–a piece of paper folded into–”

Koopie Koo’s ponytail wagged as she looked up at Koops, with a mix of love and irritation. “Honey, I’m sure Kooper knows what a paper airplane is. What we want to know is, how exactly can Mario turn into a paper airplane?”

“Oh–uh–yes…That makes more sense. It was kind of freaky actually, and a long story…Goombella could explain it better. Would you mind, Goombella? You know I’m not the–ah–best at telling long stories…”

Goombella immediately forgot her fear of heights as she heard the invitation to talk about one of her many niche nerdy interests at length. “Ah! During the quest to unseal the Thousand-Year Door, Mario and I encountered a dark, magical being locked in a black treasure chest, and Mario sort of unlocked it and got, like, totally cursed. Our hypothesis is that the black chests contained the wandering souls of the Four Heroes of old, cursed by the Shadow Queen to remain forever trapped in a shadow world beyond our comprehension, until Mario freed them and allowed their souls to pass on to the afterlife. After we opened the first one, the spirit within laid a terrible, evil curse on Mario: to become a paper airplane.” 

Looking defeated, Kooper muttered under his breath. “...The first one?”

Daisy cooed. “Dang! You guys get into all sorts of fun trouble when I’m away. I can’t believe Mario fell for the old bad guy trapped in a mundane object trick!” 

Goombella groaned. “Four times…Four times Mario opened one of those cursed chests, right in front of me.”

Kooper groaned. “But, Mario’s not a paper airplane now? So what happened to the curse?”

Goombella shook her head. “Oh, Mario was never stuck as a paper airplane. He could just, like, turn into a paper airplane whenever he wanted.” 

Goombario nodded eagerly, and jumped in. “It was pretty dang useful, actually. Mario used the curses to help him collect the seven Crystal Stars, and unlock the Thousand-Year Door. After they stomped the Shadow Queen, Mario told me that the curses just, sorta…went away, not too long after that?”

Goombella looked at Goombario appraisingly, “Goombario? How did you know so much about the Thousand-Year Door expedition?”

“Oh, I read all the accounts about Mario’s adventures.”

Goombella’s eyes twinkled like power stars. “You read my book?”

Goombario blinked. “...Oh, I guess it makes sense that you’d be the Goomba to write that one.”

“Waittaminnit, so did you write the Tattle Log for the Star Rod Affair?” 

Goombario blushed. “Oh, that old thing? …Yeah, that was me!”

“I love that book! I read that before I even met Mario!”

Toadette looked back and forth from Goombario to Goombella skeptically. “So, you both wrote an entire book about Mario…and then published it anonymously?”

Goombario nodded. “Yeah. For free.”

Goombella flashed a buck-toothed smile. “On the internet!” 

Princess Daisy, who had been daydreaming about the many possibilities that would unfold if she could turn into a paper airplane at will, snickered uncontrollably. “Hee hee! That’s so weird! I love it!”

Goombario shook his head. “Why does everyone think Tattle Logs are weird?”

Kooper snorted, his voice gently teasing. “Dude, I told you people would think it was kinda weird to write a whole book about Mario and post it on the internet.”

Still desperately clinging for her life, Koopie-Koo glanced up to address both the Goombas. “So…is this a Goomba thing?”

“Yes,” said both Goombario and Goombella at once, before flashing their eyes furiously at one another. 

“Jinx!” roared both Goombas. 

“Double jinx!” added Goombella, before Goombario could remember to double jinx her.

Fuming, Goomabario pressed his mouth tight shut, honoring the sacred rules of the playground game of jinx.

Daisy laughed so hard, she almost forgot to hold on for dear life. “Woah! You Goombas are wild! So, Goombella, how did Mario’s paper airplane mode work, mechanically? Does it…hurt to turn into a paper airplane?”

Goombella shrugged. “Not my field. For that, you’d have to ask a theoretical physicist. Toadette?”

Toadette, who just so happened to be earning her doctorate in theoretical physics while working as Peach’s loyal lady-in-waiting, cleared her throat. “While we haven’t been able to independently confirm Goombella’s hypothesis that the chests contained the lost souls of the Four Heroes, Professor E. Gadd’s spectral analysis on the black chests have confirmed that they exist on an alternative plane of reality. It’s likely the mysterious beings were granted the power to manipulate the geometric laws on our dimension…Imagine if you were to read a magic book with living, two-dimensional pictures. To the paper people in the book, you, as a three-dimensional person, would appear to possess uncanny magical powers.”

Daisy looked at Toadette in awe. “The more I hear you explain, the more confused, and interested, I get. Should I be taking notes? This seems like a whole bunch of critically important lore about the Mushroom Kingdom that I will need to know later.”

Forgetting that Goombella had jinxed him, Goombario shrugged. “Eh, Mario never seems to worry about the ancient lore of Mushroom Land more than he has to, and he gets along just fine.”

This fascinating discussion might have gone on forever, but for the past two minutes, Peach had been struggling to find a pause in the conversation to politely interject. Finally, she gave up, and raised her voice. “Enough! Mario is not fine, he is in immediate danger! We have to stay focused on capturing the flag.” 

Daisy winced, remembering how, back at Princess Academy, she was usually the one who lost her temper, while Peach was usually the one who restored order and calm. “You’re absolutely right, Peach. I’m sorry for talking too much when I should be listening.”

Peach hung her head. “...No, I’m sorry, everyone, for yelling.”

Daisy grinned. “No biggie! Who am I to judge? After all, I yell all the time. All right, troops! You heard the Crown Princess! Cut the chit-chat and get your head in the game. Who’s grabbing that flag?”

Kooper scanned the horizon to spot the flag ahead. “It’s up to us Koopas. We’re the only ones who can spare a hand.”

Madame Flurrie exhaled another gust of wind, then gasped for breath. “Got it! Koopie-Koo, you’re in the middle, so I’m aiming you toward the flag. If a rogue wind catches us by surprise, it will be up to Kooper or Koops to catch the flag.”

Taking a calming breath, Princess Peach used her commanding voice, but this time, she was controlled. “So be it. Master Spike, I must beg you to hold on a little longer. We are all counting on you.”

Spike grit his teeth. “I…won’t…let ya’…down!”

As Madame Flurrie’s blustery breath carried them all forward, like a toy boat along a gentle river, they all swayed softly. It was exactly like catching a wave. The fluttering flag steadily drew closer. Koopie-Koo released her grip on one of Toadette’s legs to free her hand. “Almost…there!”

Then a rogue air current blasted toward them from the south, like an invisible wall. The entire formation began to spiral wildly, like a leaf.

Instinctively, they all gripped tightly to one another, as Madame Flurrie swept forward to shield them from the southerly gale and guide them back on course. 

With an effort, Koops peered his eyes open, saw the flag filling his vision, and snatched at it. “Got it!” 

Then, there was a buzzing sound, like static feedback, and he felt the fabric of the flag vanish from between his fingers. “No! I had it!”

The entire flagpole seemed to turn invisible, then reappeared, stuttering and flickering. In horror, Peach knew what this meant: the glitch was slowly corrupting the Mario Maker. Their entire world was falling apart. As Peach dared to look down, all she could see was a dizzying expanse of tiny forests and endless fields, interrupted only by a few patches of jagged rocks and bluffs. If they fell, there was no hope of survival.

A vein started popping on Spike the Lakitu’s forehead. “Can’t…hold…on…much…longer!”

…

Mario saw everything. “Junior! We’ve got to get to that flag!”

Gonzales Junior spat an enemy Spiny out of his mouth like a bullet, knocking out a whole line of Spinies blocking their path, then roared with triumph. “I’m on it, brother!”

As Mario held Ms. Mowz tight against his chest with a single manly arm, she squealed girlishly, with a mix of sheer terror and delight. “Squeak! Mario, you’ll have to toss me at the flag! It’ll buy us a few seconds!”

“If I miss, it could kill you!”

“If you miss, it will kill me. But you never miss when it counts, handsome.”

Gritting his teeth, Mario saw the rest of their friends dangling in the sky, and knew Ms. Mowz was right: it was the only way. Deftly adjusting his grip on Ms. Mowz, Mario held her aloft like a quarterback preparing to toss a football. “Let’s-a go!”

Rather pleased with herself, Ms. Mowz held out her tiny paws, like Superman in flight. “Let’s-a go!”

As the Mario Maker glitched again, it started playing The William Tell Overture, which fortuitously was the perfect soundtrack as Gonzales Junior ploughed through wave after wave of enemies at a mad gallop. “Let’s-a goooooo!”

As the music reached a crescendo, Mario aimed and tossed the masked mouse up and over the stone staircase, toward the flag. As Ms. Mowz flew toward it, she noticed it glitching in and out of existence. She reached for it, only for it to disappear, then spun her body in midair, whipping her long tail to the spot where the flag had been an instant before. The flag reappeared, and as her tail caught on it, Ms. Mowz was able to twist and grasp the pointed tip of the flag, by a whisker. As she tore it free from the pole with an elegant flourish, Ms. Mowz saw the end of the road beneath her, followed by nothingness. “Squeeeeee!”

Mario and Gonzales Jr. appeared from behind the stone staircase. Diving down toward the base of the flagpole, Gonzales Jr. kicked off it, and dove forward after Ms. Mowz, straight into the nothingness.

The robotic voice of the Mario Maker stuttered into life. “World 3-3… Loading-Loading-Loading-Loading-Loading…”  

A few isolated bricks began to fly shakily into place below them. Ahead of them, the pathway started to solidify, like a patchwork quilt. As Mario caught Ms. Mowz in his arms, Gonzales Junior kicked his feet wildly to defy the laws of gravity. The baby yoshi groaned with exhaustion, as his little heart thumped in his chest. “...Gonzales! You can make it! Jump off my back, and–”

Before Gonzales Junior could finish, Mario scooped the baby Yoshi up with his other hand and tossed both of his friends to the safety of the path ahead. Mario saw the deathly drop below, and reached his hands forward, praying to find purchase. His fingers caught the edge of a brick just as it glitched back into existence. Feeling it trembling, Mario scrambled up and onto the path that was knitting together and falling apart all at once beneath them. Scooping up both his friends, Mario carried them each over one shoulder. “No one gets left behind!”

There were a few tense seconds as Mario navigated the precarious path, before the echoing voice of the Mario Maker finally finished. “Loading-Loading-Loading…Loaded!”

With a ripple, the brick path solidified before them, and a grove of Toadstool Trees began to materialize in mid air. Ms. Mowz sighed, contentedly. “So, Mario, I can’t help but notice you don’t have a ring on your finger. Whenever are you going to settle down with a nice girl?”

Gonzales Junior retched. “Ugh! Gag me with a spoon! The only kissing I wanna see is Bowser kissing the ground after we lay down a beat down on his sorry butt!”

Ms. Mowz sniffed. “Junior! It’s impolite to refer to a lady’s derriere in such a crass fashion.”

“But Bowser’s not a lady! He’s a dude, and a jerk! He only looks like that because of that stupid crown!”

Ms. Mowz rubbed her paws together. “Hmm…wonder if I could swipe it off his or her head while he or she isn’t looking?”

… 

Madame Flurrie dove underneath the flying formation to create an updraft. 

Peach called down, her mind going dizzy at the sheer drop below. “Madame Flurrie, can you get us back to the platform?”

Madame Flurrie could only shake her head as she puffed her cheeks and blew to create another updraft. 

Daisy gnashed her teeth.  “We’re losing height too quickly! We’d never make it!” 

Spike’s giant sunglasses went flying off his head and into nothingness. “Only…way…out…is…through!”

Just as Jugemu Jugemu Pokopii Lakileter, AKA “Jonathan,” AKA “Spike” the Lakitu’s arms gave out, a toadstool tree materialized below them, and the entire company came crashing and spiraling to a halt.

Princess Peach picked herself back up, and started counting noses. “...Daisy, Toadette…Goombario, Goombella…Kooper, Koops, Koopie-Koo. That’s everyone!”

As Peach stood up and dusted herself off, every inch a Princess, they saw the next goal post flag fluttering behind her, and a towering fortress, which seemed to fade in and out of existence, like the face of a giant spectre. “Madame Flurrie, Mister Spike, thank you. We owe you our lives. Spike, can you go on?”

Spike held up a shaky arm for a thumbs up. “Just…catching…my breath, your highness!”

“As soon as you are able, double back and help Mario. Everyone else, we’re going after Bowser.”

Daisy slammed her fist into her open palm. “...Hold out just a little bit longer, Luigi.”

…

Bowser’s eyes widened with glee as he rode the magic vine higher and higher toward the clouds, its explosive growth carrying him along faster as he climbed. As he reached the hidden grove of red Toadstool trees atop the brick tower, a few puffy cumulus clouds parted like a curtain to reveal the hidden warp zone. “One quick hop down a warp pipe, and I’m home free. All too easy!”

As a shadow passed over his head, Bowser felt the hairs on the back of his graceful, feminine neck stand on end, and dived for cover. A sea-green shape dove like a peregrine falcon, cutting through the air where Bowser’s head had been a moment before. 

After missing his surprise attack, Parakarry came in for a rough landing, skipping like a smooth stone across the top of a couple red Toadstool Trees, before crashing into the stone steps that led to the hidden zone. As Parakarry stood, one of his wings was visibly bent at an awkward angle. “Halt!”

“Look, kid, you get an A+ for effort, but you gotta’ learn to just take the L.”

Bowser stiffened as Luigi appeared over the ledge behind him. As Luigi landed, he pointed a defiant finger, his face set. Luigi would have cut an intimidating figure, but for the fact that he appeared to have grown two massive, perfectly spherical breasts. “Bowser! You’re coming with me!”

Bowser spat. “Pffft! Nice rack, Luigi!” 

As Bowser rolled back his head and laughed, his own melon-sized boobies jiggled freely.

Looking abashed, Luigi stuffed his white-gloved hand down his shirt, pulled out the unconscious bodies of Bombette and Admiral Bobbery, and set them down gently, as if they were two sleeping babies. “Bowser, as a knighted champion of the Mushroom Kingdom, I order you to surrender to the mercy of Princess Peach!”

“Peachy gave you a knighthood, Lou-wussy? Aw, did you get a participation trophy too? Just give up, string bean, you know you’re no match.”

Luigi’s mustache curled as he pulled a red mushroom from his pocket, and scarfed it. With a poof, Luigi grew in height to stand at eye level with Bowser, his muscles swelling. “I’m taking you in.”

Bowser sneered, making a show of flexing his own toned biceps. “Had a red mushroom squirrelled away? Congrats. Now it will take me two whole punches to knock you out, instead of just one.”

With a snarl, Bowser charged, aiming a tiger-claw strike for Luigi’s face. 

…

After Spike the Lakitu doubled back to aide Mario, Peach and Daisy led the charge to the next goalpost. Daisy snatched the flag, and the Mario Maker’s voice crackled to life, nearly unintelligible behind buzzing static. “Worl*kkffvvmm*3-4*bvvhhrmm*ding-loaded-ded-ded!”

With a flurry of static, the stone fortress seemed to click into existence with a dense snap.* 

[*Author’s note: If you’re wondering, yes, I am going to use the Nintendo Switch sound effect here, if I ever get around to making the audiobook.]

Daisy waved for the rest of the group to follow her as she charged toward the fortress gates, then called to Peach as she ran. “Why is this one fully loaded? The last two fortresses all fell apart!”

Peach grinned. “That’s a good sign! It means Bowser hasn’t reached the next Warp Zone yet. It’s taking some strain off the Mario Maker’s CPU!”

By now, everyone was gasping for air from their long exertion. As the towering gate of the fortress loomed ahead of them, like a monstrous open maw, they knew they were all thinking the same thing. If Bowser activated another Warp Pipe, while they were still inside the fortress, they would be trapped in a deadly tornado of stone, metal, and lava. But without passing through the dark fortress, they were dead anyway.

After taking a calming breath, Peach grasped the heavy wooden beam that served as the lock for the wooden doors, only to discover it was too much for her to lift. Peach had never been very good at Physical Education in Princess Academy. Her hobbies were things like baking, dancing, reading, maybe a little golf or tennis. Then Daisy’s hands appeared by hers, grasping onto the wooden beam, followed by Toadette, the three Koopas, and Madame Flurrie, who hooted encouragement in her sing-song stage voice. “All together, sweeties! Ready, steady, go!”

Even Goombario and Goombella helped, though without hands they were forced to get creative.  Goombella stood on Goombario’s head, pressing the top of her own head against the bottom of the wooden latch. One the word “Go!” Goombella leapt up to shove the wooden latch free, and the rest of the group pulled it up and away from the doors. 

Still trying to catch her breath, Peach thrust open the doors, and the group disappeared inside.

…

Vivian the Shadow Siren was resting, deep within the shadows of the fortress. She loved the thrill of travelling through the shadows, but she never liked hiding in them for long, especially not alone. The endless darkness only brought back memories of her life before meeting Mario. 

Over time, Vivian had taught herself not to dwell on those long, dark days… Or was it years…or decades? Vivian did not know how old she was. She only knew that she was born of the shadows, to serve the shadow. 

Only her elder sister, Beldam, had ever spoken to the Shadow Queen, before the demon was sealed behind the Thousand-Year Door for the first time. So Vivian was certain she wasn’t a day older than 1001 years old, but apart from that, she had no way of knowing how long she had desperately served Beldam. Vivian would have shaken her shadowy head, but within the shadow, she had no head, so she shook her hat instead, talking to herself. “Knock it off, Vivi! Don’t dwell on the past…think, rather, of pleasant things…”

So, instead of thinking about the days before she met Mario, she thought of the day she met Mario. Or rather, the days she had met Mario, since she had gotten to meet him twice. And both times she met him, it was her first time meeting him, in a way.

…

The first time she had met Mario, she had been under orders to capture or kill him, only to get soundly trounced. Later, she and her sister Marilyn had been dragged into the shadows, and soundly trounced again, as punishment for their failure. Technically, Beldam had been the one most responsible for their failure, but that never stopped Beldam from dishing out “punishment.”

At the time, it had been one of the worst days in Vivian’s entire life. But, in another way, it was really the best day of her life, although she didn’t recognize it at the time, because that was the first day she first met Mario.

The second day she first met Mario was even more wonderful, although she didn’t recognize him at the time. Vivian had been stumbling around in the dreary, dusk of Twilight Town, sobbing after another long day of emotional and physical abuse, when she stumbled across a strange, faceless man, cloaked in shadow, who offered her help.

It was the first time in her entire life that anyone had helped her. After thanking the mysterious stranger, Vivian couldn’t help but wonder how he came to be a wandering shadow. As it turned out, the man had been cursed by a ghostly sorcerer, who stole not only the poor man’s face, but his very name. Furthermore, the black magic had robbed him of the ability to pronounce the letter “p.” Not even Vivian had heard of such uncanny witchcraft, but because the shadow man had been so kind as to help her, she made up her mind to stick with him, and help him in return.

One delightful adventure later, Vivian and her new friend discovered the secret of the sorcerer’s true name, the source of his arcane power. Vivian had followed her new friend, her only friend, into battle, to help him reclaim his stolen name and face, only to discover…that he had been Mario all along. “Mario? The guy who stole your name and body is Mario...That means YOU'RE Mario?!?”

Her friend, her only friend, was her enemy. She thought of the fierce punishment that awaited her, if she failed to capture him for Beldam. Not listening to Mario’s answer, Vivian had turned away. “I can't believe it...All this time I was helping Mario... I feel like an idiot…”

 

Vivian had slipped into the shadows, weeping softly. She had abandoned Mario to his death…but not even that would be enough for Beldam. 

…

Vivian’s shining eyes blinked back tears. Even the best day of her life was marked with regrets.

A ghostly spectre appeared before Vivian. Lady Bow made a terrifying face, before giggling at the sight of her friend. “Señorita Vivian? I hope I didn’t frighten you. I was just getting into character for our fight with Mario. Gweh, heh, heh! It’s like Halloween has come early!”

Lady Bow flashed her ornate fan dramatically, before examining Vivian’s face more closely, and shutting her fan with a snap. “You’re awful deep in the shadows. I can barely see you.”

Vivian smiled. “Don’t worry, Lady Bow. I always visit the shadows before a big fight, even if it’s only for fun. It helps me clear my mind of distractions.”

Lady Bow stared into Vivian’s eyes for a moment, looking skeptical. “I see. Forgive my curiosity, your way of moving through the shadows is strange, even to me. I don’t suppose you could teach me the trick of it?”

Vivian shook her hat, emerging from the shadows just far enough that her head and hair began to reappear in a ghostly outline. “I don’t suppose you could teach me the trick of turning invisible, outside the shadows?”

Lady Bow cackled, her laughter both beautiful and horrifying. “Not unless you’ve died recently. And it’s not merely invisibility. Cower in fear, for I possess the power of…intangibility! Ooooooo!”

Lady Bow waved her fan through Vivian’s hat, with such a melodramatic, ghostly air, Vivian couldn’t help but smile, and partially emerge from the deep shadows, into the dim, flickering torchlight of the fortress. “That’s an interesting power. How exactly does not being able to hit things help in a fight?”

Lady Bow scowled, prettily. “Bah! Have you no imagination? But, of course you do! It is all a matter of creativity! If I cannot hit anything, then nothing can hit me, or my friends…so long as they sit perfectly still.”

“Bet you used that to spirit Mario out of harm’s way a few times.”

“Aye, Caramba! That darling man is always finding new ways to get himself killed. And speaking as one who has shuffled off this mortal herself, I can’t say I’d recommend it. I’ll have to be careful not to scare our friends to death. It’s been so long since I’ve had a good haunt, I’m afraid I’m rusty.”

“...How did you meet Mario, anyway?”

Lady Bow flourished her fan. “Gwaaaah, ha ha! If you can believe it, I caught him breaking and entering into my mansion. I couldn’t resist spooking him just a tiny little bit. But once we were introduced properly, he immediately offered to help me liberate the poor people of my pueblo from the cruel tyranny of Tubba Blubba. Truly, Mario is a caballero!”

“That sounds just like him. Mario never stops helping people.”

“Ah! Your voice betrays you! You, also, have a tale to tell of Mario, and how he helped you, in your hour of need? Do tell!”

With a sigh, Vivian sank back partially into the shadows. “I’m afraid it’s a long story. And there are parts of it…well, let’s just say when Mario found me, I was in a dark place.”

 

To Vivian’s surprise, Lady Bow kissed her lightly on each cheek. “Say no more! A story is a sacred thing. Your story is yours to tell, or not to tell. I must ask you to forgive me, yet again, for my intrusion.”

“Oh no, I love telling the story…but maybe, after the fight?”

Lady Bow trembled, then began to swing and parry her fan like a sword. “Si, si, por supuesto! I can almost feel my bones again, from shivering. Bowser was a terrifying foe, but can you imagine fighting Mario? Squeee! He’s so ferocious in battle! Do you think he’ll get rough with us…if push comes to shove?”

As she snapped her fingers and produced a small candle flame, Vivian flashed a minxish smile. “I don’t have to imagine…Mario would thrash us, in a real fight. But he’s a gentle soul. He’d never go all out in a little sparring match.”

Lady Bow’s eyes went wide before she screamed, her cry like a death rattle, then prodded Vivian’s chest with her folded fan. “Gweaaah! You tease! So you’ve fought Mario, have you? All right then, keep your secrets. But since you love telling that story so much, I shall have that story out of you, sooner or later, Señorita Vivian!”

A tremor travelled through the shadowy walls of the castle, followed by a distant, low rumble. Still partially within the shadows, Vivian sensed the strangeness of it more deeply. Nothing should have been able to touch her in the shadows. “What was that?”

Lady Bow examined their surroundings. “Peach warned us that the experience of loading into the world of the Mario Maker would feel disorienting at first. After all, it has to create an entire reality around us. Still, it’s strange that I was able to feel that…I wouldn’t have felt an earthquake that strongly.”

Vivian sprang fully out of the shadows, holding up her finger of flame to examine the stone walls and corridors. Flaming wheels of fire spun on axles attached to the floor and ceiling, to act as obstacles. “It looks like our level has fully loaded. We’ll be seeing our first opponents soon enough. I hope they’re beating Bowser at least.”

…

As Luigi rolled out of the way of Bowser’s sharp tiger-claw strike, he caught Bowser’s arm and responded with a well-timed gut punch. Bowser gagged as he felt the blow sink deep into his soft tummy, then swung wildly with his free arm. Luigi felt five pointed fingernails scrape across his face, but didn’t blink. Using his grip on Bowser’s arm and waist, Luigi shifted his weight and twisted his body to perform a judo hip throw, the Uki-Goshi. Bowser felt Luigi giving him a warm, tender, loving hug, before Bowser was bodily thrown to the ground, breaking the power of the red mushroom coursing through him. Bowser rolled onto his back, then struggled to get up thanks to his own half-shell.

Luigi mentally counted, waiting for the power of the mushroom to fully dissipate, then slammed his fist down onto his downed opponent’s face. He didn’t know how Bowser had gotten another red mushroom, but without its power, Bowser could be beaten. Luigi winced as he felt the blow connect, fighting his own subconscious, his own eyes seeing Bowser’s face as that of Princess Peach. 

He had won. But Luigi felt like a heel. All he could think about was how he had just hit an opponent while he was down…while she was down? Wiping his eyes on the back of his sleeve, Luigi turned to call over his shoulder. “Parakarry? Can you fly? Maybe if you double-back you can help the others–”

“Watch out!” howled Parakarry, pointing to something behind Luigi.

As Luigi spun, he saw Bowser rising up from the ground, winding up an uppercut punch. The Koopa King’s new breasts jiggled as the power of a red mushroom filled his chest. But that was impossible? Bowser didn’t have a red mushroom? 

Bowser’s fist slammed against the underside of Luigi’s jaw, and with a echoing crack, Luigi was sent flying into the air, diminishing in height, deflating back to his original, lanky build, before he crashed down on top of one of the red toadstool trees, leaving behind a perfect Luigi-shaped silhouette.

…

“Mario! Where are you guys?” howled Lakilester as he wove past the trunks of the toadstool trees. But far above, Mario was hopping across the mushroom tops that formed the forest canopy, which muffled the sound of Lakilester’s voice. 

As Mario carried Gonzales Junior and Ms. Mowz in either arm, he sprinted across a floating metal bridge that was connected to midair by a cable. As it snapped and fell away beneath him, Mario leapt for the next floating platform. 

Goznales Junior growled, unable to free himself from Mario’s fatherly grasp. “Gonzales! Let me carry you!”

“No. You’re at your limit, kid!” 

Ms. Mowz squeaked, in the way a mother mouse must squeak when her baby mice are being fussy. “He’s right, you know. Discretion is the better part of valor!”

Gonzales Junior pouted. “But I don’t want discretion, I want valor!”

Mario stuck the landing on the next set of mid-air cable-connected steel girders, before diving toward the goalpost. There was no need to grab the flag. Once he reached the fortress…

The entire ground in front of the flagpole collapsed and fell away all at once, and the base of the flagpole started to totter over the edge just as Mario landed on it. Mario jumped up and forward wildly, and saw only air. Mario held tight to Gonzales Jr. and Ms. Mowz with either arm.

…

Another tremor rippled through the dark fortress, with such force it sent Vivian rocking forward as the shadowy torch light danced beneath her. Lady Boo was unaffected, but gripped her fan like a dagger, alert for danger. Near the end of the fortress corridor, a few Podoboos were hopping in and out of the lava. Lady Bow caught a glimpse of a small, electrical baby amongst them. As she bounced up and down wildly, Watt the Sparkie easily knocked one of the living balls of lava out of the way. “Hey, Bo-bo! There you are! There’s something really important I’m s’posed to tell you! …Oh, what was it?” 

The wooden doors slammed open, and Peach appeared at the front of the charging throng, all of them screaming at once.

Watt skipped out of the boiling lava, and floated towards Lady Bow and Vivian. “Oh, yeah, Bowser broke something and now the world is getting all busted up, and our friends are all in trouble, so no fighting allowed, unless it’s Bowser.”

Cracks appeared in the brick walls on all sides, and a couple pebbles dropped from the ceiling. 

Then one of the flaming wheels on the ceiling tore free, followed by a chunk of the stone ceiling itself, as big as a Thwomp. Peach held up a hand to warn the others to halt, but felt the shadow of the debris pass over her. There was no time to think. She couldn’t retreat, not without crashing into her friends behind her. Peach dove forward, narrowly passing under the fiery wheel before it ripped through the stone floor, leaving behind a molten trail as it spiraled into the open sky beneath the stone corridor. Like a ballerina, Peach was forced to leap lightly, up and away from the flames.

Spotting Peach’s distress, Daisy kicked off the wall to bypass the molten floor. As the two-ton boulder tumbled toward Peach, both Princesses made a split-second, life or death decision. 

Daisy dove forward, planning to grab Peach and throw her forward out of the path of the stone, even if it cost Daisy her own arm, or her life. “Peach, move!”

But at precisely the same moment, Peach ducked backward to press herself against the wall, hoping to get out of the path of the debris. “Daisy, stop!”

They both had a good plan, and they both nearly worked. Peach felt the stone pillar pass in front of her by an inch. Daisy swung her arm back at the last moment, and twisted in mid air as she dove forward, out of the path of the same boulder, before it easily smashed through the stone floor. 

Then the entire wall Peach was leaning against cracked, and began to angle forward. The second wheel of fire snapped loose and rolled straight into Daisy’s path. And in that frozen moment, both Princess Daisy and Princess Peach had the same thought. “Oh. I’m dead.”

…

Just as Mario prepared to tumble to his doom, Spike the Lakitu appeared from the sky, snatching Mario by the back of his overall straps. “Gotcha! Hoo boy! Mario, you gotta lay off the pasta!”

The last of the pathway crumbled away to nothing, stopping only once it reached the entrance of the fortress. There was a tense moment, as Spike slowly drifted toward the fortress entrance. They could only pray that it wouldn’t collapse underneath them, too. They all winced as they alighted. Then they saw cracks spread through the walls in a spider-web pattern, and Mario rushed to action, carrying an exhausted Spike along with him. 

Ms. Mowz clicked her teeth. “Oooh! I hate these cheesy cliffhanger endings!”

[End of Chapter 12]