Link Spanks Princess Ruto (Beauty in the Belly of the Beast) Parts 1-2
“Help me. I'm trapped inside Lord Jabu-Jabu's belly.
—Ruto
PS: Don't tell my father!”
It had been a day and a night since Link and Navi had discovered the message hidden in a bottle while fishing at Lake Hylia. Link had wondered if it was a practical joke, until he happened upon two Zora fishermen (a fitting occupation for the two “fish-men,” Link thought, given their scales and fins). After showing them the strange note, Link learned that Ruto was the name of their princess, and she had indeed been missing for two days. Lord Jabu-Jabu, it turned out, was a great, sacred fish, renowned for his wisdom by all the Zora.
After a week of exploring the territory surrounding the Zora Domain looking for answers about the whereabouts of the magical Zora Sapphire, this was the only lead Link had stumbled across so far. It took some persuading, but the two Zora fishermen decided that a boy who could catch so many fish couldn’t be all that bad, for a Hylian, so they agreed to guide him to King Zora’s palace.
With a determined heart, Link knew he had to save the princess at any cost…including ignoring Princess Ruto’s instructions and telling her father, King Zora.
The king’s plump, cat-fish whiskers shivered as he examined the note. “Ho, this letter! It’s from Princess Ruto! Hmmm… Let’s see… She’s inside Lord Jabu-Jabu? That’s not possible! Our guardian god, Lord Jabu-Jabu, would never eat my dear Princess Ruto! But since that stranger, Ganondorf, came here, Lord Jabu-Jabu has been a little green around the gills…”
Link waited as the King seemed to pause and consider the question. Then he waited a few more seconds. And then a few more seconds. Just as Link opened his mouth, the King straightened up, his belly jiggling wildly from the exertion.
“The evidence seems clear. Of course you’ll go find Ruto. You can pass through here to the altar of Lord Jabu-Jabu. I’ll keep this letter. You keep the bottle it was in. Take it respectfully… Zora!”
It took King Zora a few attempts to roll his tremendous bulk off his seat of rest and begin to shift his weight aside, slowly opening the path to the altar hidden behind his watery throne.
The King exhaled sharply at the heroic exertion required to move his fat ass. “Muweep! There you are, lad! Now, run along! Oh…and if you find that Princess Ruto has disobeyed and gone playing inside Lord Jabu-Jabu’s mouth again, do tell her that she’s in big trouble! And that she can expect a spanking from her papa as soon as she gets home!”
King Zora raised a thin, webbed hand, and brought it down emphatically, but his arms couldn’t reach far past his enormous belly. “Hmm…then again, perhaps she hasn’t disobeyed. I hope she isn’t in Lord Jabu-Jabu’s belly. I’d hate to have to spank her…That was the sort of thing I used to entrust to her mother!”
Only half-listening, Link nodded furiously trying to shove past the King’s prodigious waist. “Yes, sir! I’m happy to help! And what about the Zora Sapphire?”
King Zora paused his efforts to scootch off his throne, leaving Link pressed dangerously between a rock and a soft, chubby place. “Hmm? Yes, yes! It is a magnificent artifact! Also, now that I think about it, given that you are such a helpful young man, could I impose upon your kindness with one minor request. If…and only if! But, as I say, if you do discover that my darling Puffyfish Princess has run away from home to play inside Lord Jabu-Jabu’s mouth again, would you be so kind as to…chastise her in my place? Not that I think she’s guilty! She is a lovely child, just like her mother! I only mention this possibility out of respect for the great efforts you have already undertaken, and out of deference to your need to act on my behalf, as her father, in loco parentis, you understand, of course! Should the need arise, and should she really, truly deserve it; you, of course, have my permission to spank her!”
Link nodded furiously, fighting to squeeze past the King to the exit. “Yes, sir! Only if she disobeyed! Got it! And, about the Zora Sapphire?”
“Oh! There will be time to discuss that once my wonderfoo wittle Pwinceth Wuto is wescued! This is excellent! I was wondering when a capable young fellow would come asking about the Zora Sapphire! I don’t even mind that you’re Hylian!”
Navi wondered what King Zora could possibly be talking about, but before she could ask, Link forced his way past King Zora’s expansive gluteus maximus, shouting, “Yes, sir! Rescue Princess Zora, find the jewel, get her back home!”
“And spank her…only if you have to!” King Zora hung his head at the thought of having to have someone punish his darling daughter.
“Right! Only if I have to!” answered Link, ignoring the King as he darted down the ornate arched hallway, toward the hidden sanctum.
The altar to Jabu-Jabu was a great, pristine pond, surrounded by high, impassible rock formations on all sides. As Link approached the pond, he was surprised as a great fish, larger than any whale, burst from the waters, only to rest its head on the raised wooden dock, just like an expectant, friendly puppy seeking a treat.
Navi bounced lightly against the back of Link’s cap. “Well, go on Link! Be polite!”
Not sure if there was a proper way to address a giant, divine fish, Link bowed. “Um…Great Jabu-Jabu? I seek Princess Ruto! Have you seen her?”
The wood of the dock groaned under the weight of the fish, as it unmistakably shook its head up and down to answer: Yes!
Link leapt in the air with a hearty “Whoop!” of triumph, before remembering to bow respectfully. “In that case, may I see her?”
With a low, rumbling groan, Jabu-Jabu shook its head left and right: No!
Annoyed, Link snapped his head up, forgetting to be deferential, looking back to Navi for answers. “Well…then what am I supposed to do?”
“Link! Look out!” squeaked the fairy.
While Link was looking away, Jabu-Jabu had lunged his head forward, his lips slapping wetly against Link with such force, the boy was knocked backwards flat on his rear. At the sound of a terrible growl, Link grasped the hilt of his sword, only to see Jabu-Jabu retreat back into the water and roll onto his side. Link realized the grumbling sound was not a roaring battle cry, but was coming from the great fish’s stomach.
Rubbing his bruised tailbone, Link stood up and wiped the creature’s slobber from his face. “You’re…hungry?”
Jabu-Jabu nodded again with another moaning call like whale-song, but this time, Link noticed there was a sad, painful quality to the great fish’s cry. It was no wonder the Zora venerated it.
Link glanced down at a dried, salted Hylian bass dangling from his supply pouch, which he had intended for his supper. Lord Jabu-Jabu was eyeing it hungrily. Link dangled the bass by a hook before Jabu-Jabu, waving it. Jabu-Jabu’s belly gurgled again, but the great fish didn’t make a move.
“Uh…Here fishy, fishy, fishy?” Link sang, feeling more stupid with each passing moment.
At the sound of Link’s sing-song voice, Jabu-Jabu slapped his head against the dock so forcefully, Link had to catch himself with his free hand. He felt a blast of hot air that smelt like rotting eggs as the great fish opened its mouth wide, which could easily have swallowed an entire horse from Malon’s Ranch in one gulp. Link gagged, but Jabu-Jabu looked down at him with urgent, intelligent eyes.
Navi fluttered her wings, excitedly. “Oh! Remember the note? ‘I’m trapped inside Lord Jabu-Jabu’s belly!’ But how can we… Wait! Link? What are you doing?!?”
Before Navi could react, Link leapt forward into the jaws of the great fish. Navi scurried after him just as the mouth slammed shut, with her fairy light providing the only light source.
Navi pounded her little fists on Link’s cap, with no more force than a kitten. “Link, that was crazy! What were you thinking?”
“I was listening to you!” Link answered, with perfect sincerity.
Before Navi could work herself up into proper lecturing mode, sickly yellow lights, each the size of a human head, began to glow around them, in sharp contrast to the red-pink flesh of Jabu-Jabu’s mouth and tongue.
Link shielded his eyes from the eerie glow. “What are those?”
“Baribiri sores! They’re caused by parasites. But…I’ve never seen or heard of any that big?”
“Are they dangerous?”
“Not the sores themselves, but they’re left by an infestation of Bari or Biri burying their eggs in flesh. A regular sized one could give you an electric shock that would sting like a wasp, but ones that size?” Navi squeaked with disgust and flew under Link’s cap to hide. “Um, if you see anything that looks like a flying jellyfish, don’t touch it! You will be electrocuted!”
“Thanks, Navi!” Link grinned as he sheathed his sword and reached for his wooden Deku wood staff. Link had hired a Kakariko blacksmith to customize his staff for easy carrying. Rather than use a single branch, it had a metal handle at the center with grooves that perfectly fit two smaller staves, perfectly weighted so that it could be wielded from the center or from either end like a traditional quarterstaff.
Link took a few practice swings to warm up his arms. “Let’s see if a Biri can electrocute wood!”
Speak of the devil, and he will appear! A large sore at the back of Jabu-Jabu’s throat swelled and burst open to reveal a dripping, jelly-fish-like creature, with glowing, blue, translucent skin, and long tendrils that dangled like string.
Not wanting to let the floating monster get its barings, Link slammed it out of the air with the Deku staff, and saw a spark of electricity flash with a snap. Mortally injured, the Biri drifted to the ground with a menacing hiss, unleashing a second charge of electricity as it landed on Jabu-Jabu’s quivering tongue.
“Poor Lord Jabu-Jabu! He must be in agony!” Link thought out loud.
Navi popped her head out from under Link’s hat. “What about us? How are we getting out of here?”
Link shrugged as he looked back. “Going back’s not an option. We’ll have to explore deeper and find Princess Ruto. If she’s still alive maybe she knows a way to get Jabu-Jabu to open his mouth!”
Navi grimaced at the sight. “Explore deeper? Just how deep do you plan to go…OOOH!”
Before she could finish her interrogation, Link leapt down Jabu-Jabu’s throat, and her last question trailed off in a long wail.
They landed with a soft thump at the base of Jabu-Jabu’s esophagus, which opened horizontally onto a large cavern with walls lined with thick, wavy flesh: his stomach lining. Below, yellow green acid hissed softly. Link laughed, his heart racing with adrenaline. Hearing Navi having a fit under his cap, Link patted it softly. “Oh, don’t fuss, Navi! We’re alive! ...Hello? Is anyone there?"
A delicate voice, answered, seemingly from nowhere. “Well, it's about time someone came to rescue me. You! Who are you?!”
Despite how frail the voice was, Link noticed the words had a definite sarcastic edge. It wasn’t like any human voice. It had the same thin, wispy sound as the voices of the Zora fishermen Link had met, but much higher-pitched than theirs had been.
Link scratched his scalp as he searched for the source of the voice. “I am Link, of Kokiri Forest!”
The voice answered with a regal air, as if it were echoing off the walls of Jabu-Jabu’s stomach. “I am Ruto, Princess of the Zoras.”
Link peeked carefully over the edge of the esophagus, and found several, naturally-rounded ledges below. Standing on one of these precarious ledges with her back against the wall was a young Zora girl about Link’s age. Link’s first impression was that her head looked like a shark’s, but when she turned to look at him, he realized it was an optical illusion. From the front, her pretty face was that of a frail, though rather furious, young woman with fin-like ears. But from behind, her “hair” was like the crest of a hammer-head shark’s skull, complete with a second pair of eyes. She literally had eyes on the back of her head!
Link grinned and reached a hand down to pull her up. “Ah! There you are, Princess Ruto! I found your letter in a bottle. Your father’s very worried about you!”
Princess Ruto’s eyes went wide, before he huffed and stuck her nose in the air. “What?! Are you saying my father asked you to come here to save me? I’d never ask anyone to do such a thing! ‘Letter in a bottle?’ I have no idea what you’re talking about! My father is worried about me? I don’t care! Anyway, I can’t go home right now. And you…”
Princess Ruto stamped her webbed foot, and barked, “Get out of here!! …Understand?”
As she stamped her foot, the Princess lost her footing and slipped down the stomach wall a few feet. “Ooooh, Noooooo! Doof!!!”
She landed on her tail on a lower ledge, only a few feet above the steaming, bubbling liquid at the base of the stomach. The Princess picked herself up, rubbing her tail behind her two skirt-like tail fins.
“What a brat!” squeaked Navi, but Link held up a single finger, their hand-signal for complete silence. Link gestured to more glowing sores along the wall, with glowing parasites so close to hatching, they were stirring within.
Link carefully lowered himself down to the first ledge, hoping he could still reach the fish-girl from there.
Princess Ruto saw him descending, and quickly stopped rubbing her bottom, affecting a commanding, high-handed manner. “Are you still hanging around here? I told you to go away!”
As her voice echoed through the room, Link saw some of the sores shiver, as if the creatures within were awakening. He waved a hand desperately to silence the princess. “Shhh! I’m here to help! If you–”
Not accustomed to being silenced by peasant boys, Princess Ruto carried on her tirade. “I’m okay! I’ve been going inside Lord Jabu-Jabu’s belly since I was little! He loves having someone clean out his teeth, and he actually listens to me! But…”
Oblivious to the trembling sores, Princess Ruto lowered her head, her anger fading. “Lord Jabu-Jabu has been very strange recently… Normally he spits me right out if I fall down too deep, but it’s like his throat is caught. There are electrified jellyfish and strange holes around…”
At the mention of the jellyfish, Link desperately gestured to the nearby wall of sores.
Princess Ruto rolled her eyes. “Oh, of course I know about those! They’ve been chasing me around Jabu-Jabu’s throat for days! On top of that my precious stone was… but…”
At the mention of her “precious stone” Princess Ruto slapped her hand over her mouth, before shooting Link with a venomous look. “That’s none of your business! Anyway… You! Go home now! Understand?!”
Navi whispered into Link’s ear. “A precious stone? That’s got to be the Zora Sapphire! You’ve got to convince her to let us take it to Princess Zelda!”
Link grimaced. If the precious stone was the Zora Sapphire, and if Princess Ruto was worried that Link was planning to steal her “precious stone” from her, then her worries were well-founded. Link had been privately hoping King Zora would offer him the stone as a gift for rescuing his daughter, but if it belonged to the Princess, not the King, this complicated his plans.
Link lowered a hand to pull up Princess Ruto. “Please, come back with me to your father. If you’ve lost, um, something, I can come back myself and find it for you. I promise I’ll bring it right back to you!”
Navi nestled behind his ear, whispering so quietly, only Link could hear. “What are you doing? If you promise her that, we won’t be able to bring back the stone!”
Navi knew Link’s sense of honor meant that his word was his bond. On the one hand, she wished Link would just lie and say whatever it took to convince Princess Ruto to give him the stone, but on the other hand, it was her responsibility to act as Link’s conscience. She couldn’t in good conscience tell him to go back on his word.
Link wiggled his ear to silence Navi’s interruption.
Unaware of Link’s co-conspirator, Princess Ruto fluttered her eyes, moved by Link’s chivalrous offer, and held up a delicate hand, as if to let him kiss it. “You’re that worried about me? Then I will give you the honor of carrying me!”
With a grin of triumph, Link grasped her by the wrist and prepared to pull her up to his ledge, only for Princess Ruto to pull down on his arm with all her weight. Caught off guard, Link slid off the slippery ledge and slapped against the floor of the stomach with a wet slap. He spat out a nasty, stinging goo as he lifted his face from the ground, only to see Princess Ruto looking down on him with an air of command. “However… I won’t leave until I’ve found the thing I’m looking for. You’d better believe me!”
Link wiped his mouth, gagging at the taste. “All right. Where did you last see this…important thing?
Princess Ruto looked over Link, perhaps sizing him up, before smiling. “I last saw it a week ago when–”
At this news, Navi had had enough. She flew out of Link’s hat and hovered right in front of Princess Ruto’s nose. “You lost it here a week ago? But the Zora said you’d only been missing for a couple of days! Why didn’t you tell your father, or the other Zoras?”
Surprised at the appearance of a furious fairy, Princess Ruto balked. “Well! I assumed if I waited long enough, Lord Jabu-Jabu might cough it back up…or…well, then his illness got worse, and he has barely eaten for days! I didn’t know what else to do!”
Navi stamped a foot in mid-air. “Ugh! You mean you didn’t want to own up to the fact you lost it! I thought this thing was important to you!”
At that, Princess Ruto’s temper flared up. “Hold on, that’s not fair, you… firefly thing! It’s very important to me! It was my mother’s stone–”
Princess Ruto bit her lip and added quickly, “Look, a week ago, while I was feeding him, he suddenly swallowed me! I was so surprised I dropped it inside. I got very upset when Lord Jabu-Jabu swallowed it... But I’ve never gone any deeper down Lord Jabu-Jabu’s mouth than his uvula until two days ago! That was when the jellyfish appeared, and chased me to the lower throat! I’ve managed to search the throat thoroughly, so I’m pretty sure it’s passed through the stomach into Lord Jabu-Jabu’s small intestines.”
Navi flew furious spirals around Princess Ruto’s head. “Oh, grand, and I expect we’re supposed to hold our breath and swim through his guts?”
Link realized it was fun to watch someone else suffer his guardian fairy’s wrath for once.
Princess Ruto shielded her head from the fairy’s assault of harmless slaps. “Ouch! Don’t you dare lay a hand on me! Look, we don’t have to! Can’t you see that Lord Jabu-Jabu is dangerously dehydrated? His guts will be dry and empty. All Link has to do is carry me across the stomach, and I’ll get in and out!”
Link hesitated at the sight of the bubbling, sizzling liquid pooled at the base of Lord Jabu-Jabu’s stomach. "But Princess, the stomach acid will eat through me if I try to carry you across."
Ruto scoffed. "Don't be ridiculous. It's not that strong. It will only tickle a little."
Link looked to Navi, quizzically. The fairy examined the ominous pool hesitantly. “Well, if it’s ordinary stomach acid, brief exposure wouldn’t burn you. But what if Lord Jabu-Jabu’s digestive system is stronger than a regular person’s?”
Princess Ruto waved a hand dismissively. “Bah! I’ve fed Lord Jabu-Jabu for years!” The back of her hand caught Navi across her tiny backside with enough force to send the fairy flying a few inches off course.
“Hey!” shouted Link and Navi together, as Link shielded his fairy companion.
Princess Ruto looked at the fairy with regret. She hadn’t meant the gesture to be more than playful. “I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to…I mean, everyone knows stomach acid isn’t strong enough to melt through you. Think about it! Why hasn’t it eaten a hole right through Lord Jabu-Jabu’s stomach? And, anyway, we can’t go back without my precious stone!”
Link swallowed nervously, but looked to Navi and gave her a silent nod. Nervously, Navi returned the gesture and returned to her place under Link’s hat. Silently, the two friends had spoken their agreement. To get the stone, Link would have to trust to Princess Ruto’s experience.
Taking a seat, Link pulled off his leather boots and stuffed them into his knapsack.
Princess Ruto squinted a single eye, as if he was insane. “What on earth are you doing?”
“If my boots get soaked in acid, they’ll fall apart in a few days, however weak it is. And they won’t provide my feet much protection anyway.” Link threw the knapsack around his front chest, then bent over, to let Princess Ruto climb onto his back and put her arms around his neck.
As he hoisted her up, wrapping his arms around her legs to support her weight, Princess Ruto let out a cute little, “Yeep!”
As Link dipped a toe tentatively into the acid, he didn’t feel a sharp pain. To his relief, it only tickled a little.
"See? I told you it wouldn't be that bad," Princess Ruto said, smugly.
Link rolled his eyes, and waded briskly into the pool. He guessed that even at the deepest point, it would only reach to his upper chest. As they reached the halfway point, however, he noticed the tickling sensation in his feet had gradually built to a soft burn.
With a surge, he dashed towards the other side, ignoring Princess Ruto's protests as she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck. “What are you doing? Slow down! Slow down, before I fall off!”
Link fought for air, feeling the sting spread up his calves and thighs. “Not so tight! I’ve got you, just let me–”
But Princess Ruto wasn’t listening. She embraced Link by the neck so tightly, she pulled his weight back, so that her bottom and tail fins dipped into the acid behind them. At the merest touch, Princess Ruto’s eyes popped wide open. “Yeek! It burns! Hurry up! Hurry up!”
As he struggled to keep balance, Link felt his grip slipping on Ruto’s right leg.
“Please, don’t drop me!” Ruto wailed, before the acid reached past Link’s chest, covering both her legs. As she writhed at the touch, her leg broke free of Link’s grasp and her lower torso plunged into the acid.
Reflexively, Link closed his eyes and submerged his entire head below the acid, adjusted his grip so that Ruto’s legs rested on top of his shoulders, and lunged upward and onward towards the shore on the other side of the stomach. Still holding his eyes tight, Link cupped his hands under Princess Ruto’s hips, right under her lower cheeks, and lifted her up and over his head to physically throw her to safety. She cried out as she sailed through the air, landing face first on the other side, her tail in the air, still sizzling from her brief contact with the acid.
Link heard a crackling noise above his head as he scrambled blindly to the shore, sputtering.
Navi flew into action. “Link! The biri are waking up! They’re after you!”
The moment he tried to squint his eyes open, Link felt something wet and sticky slap down against his head, then felt a ringing shock travel through his body. A biri had attacked his face! Whipping out his Deku staff, Link did the only thing he could think of. He thrust his head forward to submerge the monster into the acid with him, then swung the butt of the Deku staff into the body of the shocked beast to free himself.
Fighting blind, Link heard Navi shout a warning, “More incoming! First one, behind you and to your right!”
Swinging his staff behind him as he waded through the acid, Link felt his blow connect against another flying beast. It was getting more shallow! He was nearly there!
“Two more! First one to your left! Second directly above you, coming for your neck!” Link managed to strike the first with a wide arcing swing left, then made a quick gesture to snap the end of the staff against his neck and thrust upward, just before the final Biri could entangle his neck in its tendrils.
As he felt his foot land on the opposite side of the shore, something grabbed his arm and pulled him forward. Princess Ruto’s hazy voice called to him, “I got you, slowpoke! Through here!”
He heard a slurping, puckering sound, felt something wet and fleshy brush against his arms and legs, before collapsing forward onto a spongy floor.
Navi’s voice rang out like an angel’s song. “They’re retreating! We made it, Link! …Oh no! Your eyes! Let me heal you! Oh, Link! You poor thing!”
Link felt Navi’s fairy dust speckle against his eyes, and risked opening them. He felt the sting of the acid instantly fade around his eyes, and sighed with relief. Then it dawned on him that his eyes were literally the only part of his body that was not burning madly. He dared to take a quick look. His feet and legs were beet red, and the rest of his body was bright pink, from his groin and bottom, all the way up to his chest.
As he felt a second wave of burning, Link realized his clothes were soaked with acid. With a roar, he ripped off his tunic and breeches, ignoring Princess Ruto’s squeals as she covered her eyes, her cheeks blushing sky blue. “Are you mad? What are you doing?”
He didn’t even have the breath to scream. Link rested on his hands and knees, trembling as the second wave of fiery burning faded, to be replaced by a new sensation. Back at Kokiri Forest, Link had once gotten an angry sunburn on his back from working in the sun too long, and Mido had slapped it teasingly. His entire lower torso, from the tips of his toes to his upper chest, as well as his lower arms, felt precisely like that. His shoulders and face stang too, just not quite at the same level.
Fighting back the pain, Link tried to rationally assess the damage. His legs still worked, but that didn’t lessen his desire to scream any less.
He heard Navi chime in. “Thank goodness. It’s mostly superficial. The burns will heal on their own…in a few days.”
“...Thank you, Navi,” Link answered politely, refusing to take his rage out on anyone who didn’t deserve it. At this precise moment, a sharp, shrill female Zora voice interrupted his thought process. “Would you please put some clothes on? You are in the presence of a maiden!”
Link blinked and turned to find Princess Ruto rubbing her own legs and bottom with one hand, while failing to cover both her eyes behind her other hand.
Link examined his pack, not for clothes, but hoping he still had a healing potion from Castle Town. Navi’s magic was useful in life-threatening situations, but it was a precious resource, and could do little for run-of-the-mill burns.
“Navi? Where are we? Are we still in the stomach?”
“I think this is the opening to the small intestines. Her royal highness pulled you through some gross-looking door. Ugh! It keeps pulsing open and closed!”
Link looked back, and sure enough, the door was a circular wad of muscle that opened up to the stomach. Link caught a glimpse of the lake of stomach acid through it before it pressed closed again.
Princess Ruto sniffed, glowering at Navi. “It’s not a door! It’s Lord Jabu-Jabu’s pyloric sphincter! Don’t you know anything?”
Navi went back into attack mode, buzzing around Ruto’s head like a hornet. “Oh! Of course! How silly of me to refer to Lord Jabu-Jabu’s pyloric sphincter as a ‘door’! Of course, when you think about it, this ‘floor’ and ‘ceiling’ are really just the folds of the intestinal lining, so why don’t we all just walk on the ceiling?!?”
Link ignored the noisy women as he dug through his supplies. To his relief he had two red healing potions, and the acid hadn’t soaked his belongings. Pulling out a rag, Link wiped away the last drops of acid, before offering Princess Ruto both a rag and a bottle of healing potion.
“Put! Some! Clothes! On!” she squeaked, snatching the rag and sponging furiously at her bottom, which seemed to have had the longest exposure to the acid.
Wishing he had an entire bath of healing potion to bathe in, he concentrated the potion he had on his feet and legs, which had suffered the most damage. The angry red faded to a bright pink and started to sting again.
Wonderful! That meant the healing potion was working just enough to let him feel pain in his legs again! A few days of this, and he’d be fit as a fiddle!
Link found a spare set of clothes and put himself back together, thankful he’d thought to save his only pair of boots earlier.
Now that he was finally decent, Princess Ruto flashed a hot glance at him, her cheeks still blushing bright blue (both sets). “How inconsiderate! How could you drop me like that?”
Link looked her up and down, hoping she wasn’t as badly hurt as he was. At the sight of the vivid blue burns on her legs and bottom, he wondered if Zora might have thinner skin than Kokiri like himself. “You slipped out of my grasp.”
Ruto’s eyes met his, and with a grimace, she turned away to hide her bottom from further inspection with annoyance. “If you're a man, act like one! Take responsibility!
Link bowed his head. “I’m sorry I dropped you. I’m glad you’re safe!”
At the sound of such a sincere apology, Ruto relaxed, then seemed to fall back on her earlier teasing tone. “And what about that business of grasping me by the…by throwing me to the shore like I was a catch of fish for market? What were you thinking?”
Link kept firm eye contact until Ruto met his gaze. “I didn’t have time to think. I acted. I had to get you out of the acid.”
Unable to think of any further argument, Ruto felt her legs shiver at the thought of her close call. She couldn’t meet Link’s stare, and glanced at her scorched behind, suddenly feeling thankful to be alive, burned tail fins or no. “Well, it could have been worse! That was incredible! I can’t believe we got past that! I had no idea Lord Jabu-Jabu’s stomach acid was that powerful!”
As Ruto turned her face back to smile at Link, Navi seemed to appear before her out of thin air. “No idea? That wasn’t regular stomach acid! You claimed to know everything about Lord Jabu-Jabu!”
Link shook his head. “It’s not her fault. I knew it was a risk when I took it. Besides, maybe it’s worse than usual because he’s so dehydrated.” At this, Navi seemed to cool down and fluttered back toward Link.
Princess Ruto raised her eyebrows (or rather, raised the delicate fish scales that she had in place of eyebrows). “Yeah, that makes sense. I knew Jabu Jabu had a strong digestive system, but that was far worse than I expected.”
Navi zipped right back to stand nose-to-nose to Princess Ruto. “Stronger than you expected? You knew Jabu Jabu had a strong digestive system? What’s that supposed to mean?”
Princess Ruto batted her eyelashes and bobbed her head, boastfully. “Well, Jabu-Jabu’s been vomiting, so I’ve tried to assess his condition by testing the acidic content of the bile. I knew something was giving him ulcers, I just had no idea of the extent.”
At long last, a hairline crack formed in Link’s stoic resolve. “Wait, so, you knew it was worse than usual? And didn’t bother to mention it? You said normal stomach acid shouldn’t be dangerous!”
Princess Ruto pouted, and answered in the tone of a wise teacher explaining something obvious to a particularly dim-witted student. “Which is perfectly true! I knew we were taking a risk, I just…assumed that it wouldn’t be quite that bad!”
Navi was about to snap back, but Link answered first. “You risked my life without knowing the truth? You should have told me!"
Link answered so quickly, it surprised the fairy, who was used to Link being slow to express himself. She also immediately recognized the tone of Link’s voice. Soft, controlled, but dangerous, like when he was about to enter a fight.
Unfortunately for Princess Ruto, she didn’t know Link as well as Navi did. Because Link didn’t raise his voice, Ruto didn’t detect the suppressed anger behind it.
She was embarrassed to have been caught in her lie, and too stubborn to admit she had done anything wrong. She crossed her arms, "Well, if you're that upset, why don't you go tattle to my father, the King of the Zora?"
She slapped her behind, teasingly. "Maybe he'll even give me a spanking for fibbing!"
Princess Ruto winced, as she felt a tingling afterburn from the playful swat. Why did she have to be so thin-skinned?
But as she looked into Link's eyes, she felt a very different sort of tingling sensation.
She suddenly realized that he meant business.
Link stretched his arms, feeling another angry protest from his burns. “No, I am not going to tattle on you, Princess Ruto.”
Navi realized what was about to happen before Princess Ruto did. Not wanting to interrupt, Navi flitted away, to find a good seat to watch the show.
Ruto exhaled with relief, until she felt Link grab her firmly by the wrist with his left hand. Link led her farther away from the door to the acid lake (AKA the pyloric sphincter), so that they rested safely on a ledge. Ruto was about to explain that this ledge was called the “duodenum,” and to demand that Link unhand her at once, before Link turned around to face her with a look that made her clamp her mouth shut. “Your father already knows about you running away. He’s the one that sent me to find you. I think he knows about you playing in Jabu-Jabu’s mouth too, but it was hard to tell. But now I have a pretty good idea why you begged me not to tell your father about this in your letter.”
Ruto’s eyes shot left and right, as if seeking escape. “He…he knows? You showed him my–”
She cleared her throat, trying to look cool. “…I mean, What letter?”
Link dropped his knapsack on the floor to act as a cushion, before settling himself neatly on top of it, not releasing his hold on Ruto’s wrist for a moment. “A letter in a bottle that said, ‘Help me. I'm trapped inside Lord Jabu-Jabu's belly. Signed: Ruto. PS: Don't tell my father!’ Yes, he knows, and he’s not pleased. Maybe there’s another Ruto trapped in the belly of a giant, divine fish somewhere, who also doesn’t want her father to know about it. All I know is that your father asked me to go looking for you, to get you home safe, and to give you a good spanking for disobeying…if I needed to.”
"Link, you can't be serious," she said, her voice wavering, her free hand flying to cover her burned, blue bottom.
With a gentle tug, Link guided Ruto forward and down across his lap, pinning her in place with his right hand so that his left hand was free. He made a point of breathing on his palm as if to warm it up, so that Ruto could see.
Straining meekly against Link’s right arm, and realizing she was at this ferocious boy’s mercy, Ruto’s mind raced to find any route of escape. “Wait! You’re supposed to get me home safe, right? Can’t we wait until then? I’m sure that’s what Daddy meant!”
It was the best ploy she could think of, but maybe, just maybe, once Link got her home, her father would relent and let her off with a scolding. That had been the way things were ever since her mother passed away.
Link raised his left hand high. “Don’t worry, I am going to give you the spanking you have coming, once I get you home safe.”
Ruto shivered with relief, and tried to lift herself up off Link’s lap, only to feel his right hand easily pinning her in place.
Princess Ruto didn’t quite feel the first spank. She felt the impact, but the sting didn’t register. But she heard it echoing through the cavernous walls behind her like a thunderclap, and as she realized what it was, it shocked her into silence. Then she felt the sting, as the angry burn across her bottom flared up in protest.
Link paused, giving Ruto a moment to consider how much trouble she was in, to let the knowledge fully sink in: that was what one good spank felt like. Princess Ruto already felt tears brimming in her eyes.
“But I'm not going to wait until we get home to give you your first spanking, Princess. Your father’s instructions were to spank you, if I needed to. You need to learn a lesson right now!”
"Link, please! You can't do this!" she cried, looking over her shoulder, to let Link see her lip trembling. Using sad, puppy-dog eyes always worked on Dad when she was in trouble at home!
As she saw Link raise his hand to deliver the second spank, she cried out, "No! I’m a Prin–" But it was too late.
Before she could remind Link that she was, indeed, a Princess, the second spank landed, and the Princess of the Zora finally comprehended her situation. Her high-and-mighty attitude, which worked so well amongst the other Zoras, was no protection here. It hadn’t protected her from the dangers in Jabu-Jabu’s belly, and it wasn’t protecting her now as she was draped over the knee.
The lightest of pats would have been enough to send a wave of pain through her scorched derriere, but Link’s muscles were honed from daily exercise. This time, Ruto was fully aware of the sting of the slap, building upon the throbbing after-shock of the sensitive acid burn.
As Link’s hand connected with her bottom a third time, Princess Ruto's body tensed at the ferocious impact, and her face contorted as she tried to endure the first and second wave of pain rippling across her entire bottom, tail fins, and legs.
Link saw his left hand leave a bright, white imprint on her cheeks, before it quickly flushed to a deeper shade of ocean blue. At first sight, Link had expected a Zora’s flesh to feel slimy and fishy. Instead, he found that Ruto’s bottom was indeed cool and dewey, but also smooth to the touch.
For her part, Ruto found Link’s hand felt surprisingly warm and rough, compared to her mother’s palm. Finally, Ruto understood she was in trouble. But her royal instincts refused to accept what she already knew deep down.
In her heart, Ruto knew she deserved a spanking, and was ready to accept it, maybe pray that Link would show her mercy if she showed contrition.
But Princess Ruto thought she knew better: There had to be a way out of this!
“This isn’t fair! So what if you got a few burns? I got burned too, you know!”
Link paused, looking down quizzically at Ruto. “Not fair? You’re right! I don’t want to be unfair to you!”
He fumbled for something in his travel sack underneath him.
Ruto felt a tingle of excitement. When big sad eyes didn’t work, using her bossy voice always did the trick! “Yeah…You’re in no position to spank me, Hylian!”
"And you're not in a position to back talk, Princess," Link answered sternly, producing a thick wooden hairbrush from his pack. On its back, it bore the Kokiri sigil representing the Great Deku Tree, hand carved and painted red.
Princess Ruto's eyes widened in horror as she realized what it was for. None of the Zora had hair, but nevertheless, Queen Zora had owned a mother-of-pearl hairbrush, a gift from the royal family of Hyrule. And while her mother was alive, Princess Ruto’s frequent misbehavior had led to her backside getting well-acquainted with the backside of a sturdy hairbrush.
An insult died on her lips, and she let out a yelp as Link paddled her at a quicker pace. Each thud of the hairbrush was much more intense than the earlier slaps of his palm, and she could feel the ripples spreading through her blue bottom like great ocean waves.
Link paused the spanking to lecture her, "What did you do wrong, Princess?"
Ruto’s mind raced. The sad, doe eyes hadn’t worked. Insults hadn’t worked. Asserting her authority hadn’t worked. Think, Ruto, think!
She remembered the last time she had been bent over her mother’s knee, how she had apologized profusely, promising that she had learned her lesson, and mother had finally relented.
Trying to hide the mix of pain and fear in her trembling voice, Ruto answered with what she hoped was polite poise. "I'm sorry, Link. I shouldn't have run away and put myself in danger. I knew I was disobeying my father by playing in Jabu-Jabu’s mouth! And I knew I should have told someone when I lost the…lost my mother’s gift!”
Link considered her apology, his hand still holding the hairbrush threateningly. Princess Ruto knew the fate of her bottom hung in the balance, hoping that her apology would be enough to end the painful lesson she was learning. She felt a couple gentle warning taps against each cheek in turn. Even those were enough to awaken the continual, burning sting.
Fire and heat were relatively strange phenomena to Zora. When a Zora mother wanted to give a stern warning to a naughty child, she would threaten to “Set your tail aflame!”
When she was very young, Ruto had once ignored her mother’s warning to not touch the flaming candles while they were visiting the court of Hyrule. By burning her finger, the little Princess discovered the meaning of the word “fire,” and when she went crying to her mother with a burned finger, she had learned the meaning of the word again over her mother’s knee.
The memory of that candle flame was sharp in Ruto’s mind as she felt each gentle tap of the hairbrush.
“Princess Ruto. Answer me truthfully. Do you think your father would be satisfied with the spanking I just gave you as a punishment for disobeying him?”
As two fresh tears glistened against her cheeks, Princess Ruto smiled coyly. This was her chance to end her ordeal!
"Yes, I'm sure he will be very happy with the job you've done punishing me. I've learned my lesson about running away."
It was true! Father never liked seeing his Princess spanked. Sure, the Queen might have carried on for quite a bit longer in Link’s situation, but Princess Ruto wasn’t lying!
Link smiled. "Very good."
Just as Princess Ruto breathed a sigh of relief, he caught her off guard by spanking her with the hairbrush again, this time across both her lower cheeks, where the acid burn was most severe.
"I have punished you enough for running away, just like your father asked me to. But now I'm going to spank you again for being rude, and for lying to me about the acid, until you are really, truly sorry."
Link spanked her left and right cheek in quick succession. Just as the meaning of Link’s words started to sink in, Ruto felt the hairbrush sink into her flesh. She could actually make out the impression of the carved image on the back. And then the burn flared up.
That did it. Suddenly, Ruto remembered what it was to be a child over her mother’s knee again. All thoughts of her position as Princess slowly burned away. Across Link’s lap, Ruto was nothing more than a naughty little girl.
As Link delivered the next ten strokes, she cried, she roared, she pleaded, but in response Link slowed the pace with the hairbrush, which only gave her time to feel each smack leave a lingering burn.
She had been unable to hold back tears since the very beginning, but Ruto had managed to resist the urge to break down entirely. As she felt her resolve beginning to crumble, Ruto finally remembered the one thing she hadn’t tried: apologizing like she meant it.
“But…I am sorry! Really, I am!”
Link checked his next blow with the hairbrush mid swing, so that the brush popped softly against its target (which was still more than enough to awaken the burns). “Oh? That’s a good start, Ruto. In that case, hold this for me, and don’t drop it.”
Ruto looked curiously at the hairbrush as Link lowered it before her face and helped her close her fingers around the handle. “Huh? Why are you giving me this?”
“In case I need it later. If you’re really sorry, then you’ll hand it back to me when I ask for it.”
Ruto gulped, and gripped the hairbrush tightly with both hands, afraid of what would happen if she let it drop.
Link adjusted his position, so that Ruto’s lower torso was resting on his right leg, her waist held under his right arm. He tested the new angle by patting her bottom with his left hand almost affectionately. “Say, these tail fins, do you ever get spanked on them?”
Ruto looked back over her shoulder. From this angle, her face was resting against the soft fabric of Link’s supply pack, and she could just make out Link’s left palm patting her tail fins curiously. Ruto shivered at the memory of this exact same sight over Queen Zora’s knee. “Well, when I was really naughty, Mother used to spank me on my fins, legs and bottom with her hand, then she’d lift my fins up across my back and finish with the hairbrush across just my bottom.”
“Did she? Well, sounds like she does a thorough job! I’d like to meet her. Maybe she could give me a few tips!”
Ruto’s eyes welled up with fresh tears, the pain in her bottom forgotten. “You…you can’t meet her…She’s…she’s gone now!”
Link scratched his blond scalp. “Is she missing too?”
Navi buried her face into her palms. Every time Link opened his mouth, he found a way to put his foot in it.
In her annoyance, Princess Ruto’s tears evaporated as she barked, “She’s dead, you idiot!”
Link blushed at his mistake. “Oh! I’m so sorry, Princess Ruto! I didn’t know!”
There was an awkward silence.
Ruto suddenly became aware of her strange position. Here she was, deep in the bowels of Lord Jabu-Jabu’s belly, bent over the knee of a stubborn peasant boy from the outside world, who was apologizing to her with stupid, sweet sincerity, as if he was the one in trouble. “Sigh…I forgive you, Link.”
Link examined his surroundings. “You know, on second thought, maybe this should wait until we get you home.”
Ruto refused to move from her position across Link’s right knee. “Oh, no you don’t! You’re useless! You said you had to do this on behalf of my father? Well, my mother always used to spank me on Father’s behalf, and no way would she quit in the middle of something! If you’re a man, finish what you start!”
Link felt lost. “But…your mother wasn’t a man, was she?”
Above them, Navi was bent over in fits of suppressed giggles. Princess Ruto was finally starting to grow on her!
Ruto pursed her lips, half-amused, half-annoyed. “Of course not! But if she were here, that’s precisely what she’d tell you!”
Link nodded. “Oh! In that case, Princess Ruto, would you say your mother would spank you with her hand, and the hairbrush, for how you acted today?”
The fish-girl froze, having a moment of dawning comprehension as she realized precisely where this was going. A moment ago, she had felt so much smarter than Link. Yet, here was the inescapable hairbrush, right in her hands. She remembered his words about how she would prove to him that she was really sorry by handing it back to him when asked. “Y-yes?”
Link patted her tail fins again, trying to find his lost rhythm. “In that case, I will try my best to act as if Queen Zora were here watching me. Are you ready, Princess Ruto?”
Ruto sniffled. “Yes…sir!” She added the honorific, remembering her mother’s instructions to always answer politely while in this position.
With a smile, Link began again, concentrating his slaps on Ruto’s tailfins. If her all-too-human bottom was like a pillow, the tailfins were like two supple blankets. He slapped each slowly, until they blushed from white to a sapphire blue color, then folded them aside gently, as if drawing the curtains back to reveal a glistening, pale blue moon.
As she felt Link brushing aside her tailfins, Ruto gently lifted her bottom so that he could tuck them under her waist, before settling down again.
Link was impressed by Ruto’s resolve. His first impression had been that she was a crybaby and a brat, but now she was showing him a new side of herself, which was oddly both submissive and courageous.
However, Link was also determined to not let her up until Ruto had shed fresh tears of remorse. He was kicking himself for asking such stupid questions, and emboldened by the challenge to surpass the high bar set by Ruto’s mother.
Link examined his target. Sure enough, the blue burn marks left by the acid looked painful, but he saw the sides of her cheeks were paler, thanks to the protection her tail fins had provided against both the acid and Link’s palm. Link decided to even out the color, until every inch of Ruto’s backside matched the sapphire blue of her burns, and landed a downard clap on the far side of Ruto’s left cheek to begin.
Ruto clenched her teeth to hold back her protests as her tears returned. She felt no less foolish than Link, and was no less eager to prove her resolve, but she felt an added burden: shame. The slow, steady pace of the spanking had given her time to think about everything, and the fresh sensation of the spanks landing on the sides of her cheeks and thighs felt like her punishment was beginning again all over from the beginning.
The center of her bottom, which had suffered the most damage from both burns and blows, was now steadily aching…throbbing! She felt her anger rising again, felt the desire to shout out curses and cutting remarks. Another part of her was tempted to cry crocodile tears and appeal to his mercy.
She just wanted this spanking to be over already!
But, in her mind’s eye, Ruto had a vision. There were three versions of her on different paths, and she could choose her path. She could choose not to act like a brat. She could choose not to act like a princess. She could choose to speak from her heart. She wept freely, as she cried, “Please! Forgive me, Link! I’ll be…I’ll be a good girl!”
Link delivered one final spank to the center of her bottom before pausing. “I forgive you, Ruto. Now, hand me the hairbrush.”
Ruto’s eyes fluttered open, and the hairbrush in her hands appeared to be hidden behind a misty waterfall of her own tears. Sobbing, she lifted the hairbrush up over her head, obediently offering it to her disciplinarian. The binocular hammerhead shark eyes on the back of her head gave her excellent peripheral vision. As she broke down crying freely, burying her face in her own hands, she saw what no child except a Zora could ever see: a crystal clear view of her own bottom as Link raised the hairbrush high and brought it down again and again, leaving welts that blossomed like a field of blue violets.
Like amphibians, the Zora stored extra water in their skin to keep themselves hydrated out of water. Long after a normal child would have cried out all her tears, Ruto’s tears flowed freely like two waterfalls. She writhed, squirmed, trembled, kicked her feet, but she didn’t cover her bottom or flee. She saw, heard, and felt each and every one of the ten final whacks Link delivered.
After Link silently counted out the tenth spank with the hairbrush, he took pity on Ruto. Her apology had been sincere, and whether or not Queen Zora would have agreed with Link, he decided that Ruto had been spanked more than enough. "All right. I can tell you’re really sorry by the sound of your voice. Now, there's one more thing I need to give you."
Ruto looked up nervously, and whimpered, "Is it…another spanking?"
Link lifted her up and turned her around gently so that she sat on his lap, and gave her a warm hug, before pulling away and patting her back. “There there, Princess Ruto. It’s all over.”
As she felt her sit spots lower onto Link’s lap, Ruto squeaked and hopped in place slightly, before wrapping her arms around Link’s shoulders to support her weight and letting her scorched bottom hang slightly above and over the edge of his lap. “I…I think Mama would be satisfied with that!”
Suddenly becoming aware of how babyish she felt, Ruto blushed and stood up, breaking free of Link’s embrace. “Well! Now what are you going to do?”
Having thoroughly enjoyed her show, Navi returned to Link’s side. “Are we taking Princess Ruto home now?”
Link examined their surroundings. “We’ve come this far, we should try to find the Zor–uh, Ruto’s precious stone. Maybe we can figure out what’s causing Lord Jabu-Jabu’s illness.”
Princess Ruto sniffed to hide a tear, then pretended to be entirely unaffected by her tender, tingling tuchas. “Finally, you speak some sense! And don’t you go getting any ideas about snatching it from me! You seem awfully interested in my mother’s stone!”
Link held a hand to his heart. “You have my word. I would never steal it from you.”
Navi groaned. Her boy was such an earnest idiot, it made her proud to be his fairy.
Eager to act, Link grasped Ruto’s hand and marched ahead at a brisk pace, dragging her behind him. “C’mon, Princess!”
Ruto’s eyes went wide, but as she rubbed her bottom with her free hand, her mouth curled into a silly smile. “Oh! Won’t you please carry me? …I mean, don’t just drag me around! I’m not a toy on a string!”
Navi raised her voice. “Do you want another spanking? Try to keep moving!”
But before Navi could finish, Link halted, and lightly scooped Ruto up into his arms.
Navi’s wings twitched. “Link, you don’t have to let her boss you around!”
Link shrugged, completely oblivious to how Princess Ruto was looking away from him bashfully, blushing madly. “She asked nicely. Plus I can move faster this way!”
Finally, Princess Ruto was able to meet Link’s eye. “Link…are you still going to spank me again after you get me home safely?”
Link knitted his brow, as if the answer should have been obvious. “Yes, Princess.”
Ruto felt a prickle of excitement, one that matched the prickle along her legs and tail. “...Oh! Of course!”
She wrapped her arms around Link’s shoulders for support again, before adding, gruffly. “Promise you won’t forget? I expect you to keep your word!”
Link raised his eyebrows. “Well, if I forget, would you remind me?”
“Hummph! Imagine forgetting something that important! Are you a man of your word, or not?”
Link beamed. “I’ll honor my word. I promise I won’t forget!”
Ruto nuzzled her head into Link’s chest, remembering words her mother told her long ago, when she passed the Zora Sapphire down to her. “This stone represents the heart of our people. Your father gave it to me as an engagement present. Never offer it to a man, unless it’s to a man you can respect, a man who will honor his word…and please don’t lose it, or I’ll spank you!”
Ruto inhaled, taking in the strange, salty scent of the wild, Hylian boy. Finally, here was a man of his word!
Part 2
On their shared quest to find Princess Ruto’s precious stone, Link and Princess Ruto had a heart-racing and heart-warming series of adventures.After the two friends were ambushed and separated by a monstrous Bigocto rampaging inside Lord Jabu-Jabu’s intestines, Link began to suspect dark magic just might be afoot. Link circled through poor Lord Jabu-Jabu’s small intestine until he found the source: a repulsive, tentacled gelatinous monster, which Navi recognized as a Barinade, the source of the infestation.
Seeing that the beast had Princess Ruto in its clutches, Link gallantly charged into action. Unfortunately, he was unable to touch it with his sword without getting electrocuted. Link thought he was a goner until Princess Ruto revealed she also held something in her own clutches. A boomerang?
“Really! The things you find down here. Good thing Lord Jabu-Jabu’s such a glutton,” roared Princess Ruto, as Link desperately avoided the monster’s attacks, using the boomerang to attack it from a distance.
After defeating the abomination, they recovered Ruto’s precious stone, which was indeed the mystical Zora Sapphire. (“Surprise, surprise!” added Navi, sardonically.) Thankfully, the power of the magic stone teleported them out of Lord Jabu-Jabu’s guts without the need to finish their tour of the divine fish’s digestive tract, splashing them both down in the water of the lake.
Their adventure at an end, Princess Ruto yawned, as if they had finished an ordinary walk through the park as a first date, then swam towards Link to look him straight in the eye, rocking her hands behind her back. “You! You looked cool…Cooler than I thought you would, anyway…Just a little! Well, anyway, you saved me, so I guess I'll reward you. What do you wish? Just tell me…”
Link gestured to the glittering jewel, three sapphires set in a gold frame. “I want that Spiritual Stone.”
Princess Ruto felt her stomach flip a summersault. “You mean the Spiritual Stone of Water, don't you? My mother gave it to me and said I should give it only to the man who will be my husband. You might call it the Zora's Engagement Ring! All right! I'll give you my most precious possession... Zora's Sapphire!”
“...Engagement ring?” asked Navi, but too late. Link eagerly accepted the jewel and held it aloft, triumphantly.
Princess Ruto winked and climbed out of the water. “Don’t tell my father…” Then, she skipped ahead of Link, humming a sweet ditty to herself.
Navi waited until Ruto was out of earshot, then turned to Link. “Link…do you know what an engagement ring is?”
Link put away the stone, his goofy grin vanishing. “Huh? I didn’t really know what she was talking about, but I’ve finally collected all three Spiritual Stones! My quest to help Princess Zelda defeat Ganondorf is almost over!”
Navi sighed.
Link raised an eyebrow. “Don’t worry, Navi! I know it’s Princess Ruto’s most precious possession. Once Zelda has finished using it, I’ll return Ruto’s ‘engagement ring’ safe and sound!”
Navi didn’t respond. Link suddenly wondered if he was missing something.
“Uh…Navi? Should I know what an engagement ring is?”
Navi bounced off his hat playfully once before flying ahead of him. “There will be plenty of time for that later.”
Hopefully when you’re a few years older, thought Navi.
…
Link and Navi dashed through the hallway back to King Zora’s palace, to find King Zora’s massive backside sealing the exit. They could hear his voice muffled from behind the archway. “I see. So you did disobey after all. I’m very disappointed, Princess Ruto! What would your mother say?”
Link scratched his head. “Uh, Your Highness? Would you let us pass, please?”
“Hmm? Oh! Our hero has arrived! One moment, my boy! One moment! Muweep! Muuhweeep!!!”
Navi silently fumed as she heard King Zora grunt and start to inch his bulk away from the exit, not sure whether she was more annoyed with the architect or with the corpulent king himself. “Say, who designed this palace?”
“Muweep! Oh? I designed most of it myself! Most Zora don’t put much stock in paper, but I’m a mean draughtsman when I’m out of the water! Isn’t the latticework simply lovely?”
Navi watched the King’s rear end squeeze a few inches across the lovely latticework of the archway. “Stunning! Perfect! You’re a regular fish out of water!”
“Why thank you!” King Zora chuckled as a crack of light appeared in the doorway, allowing just enough light in to illuminate the crack between his two magnificent butt cheeks, which still obstructed nine-tenths of the archway. Link held his breath and squeezed past the King’s hips roughly, finally back in the Zora Domain.
A much more pleasant sight greeted him on the other side of the archway. Princess Ruto stood on the raised stone dais before her father’s throne, her hands held demurely in front of her, clutching a small, white object Link couldn’t make out. Around the dais, it seemed the entire population of Zora had gathered. Perhaps they had come to hear news of Princess Ruto’s rescue, and stayed to listen to her full confession.
At the sight of Link appearing from behind her father, Ruto stiffened, before hanging her head. “Link? You’re here! I was just telling Papa about everything that happened…and I do mean everything!”
At the sight of her father pointing a dainty webbed finger, Ruto sighed and spun around on the dais to face her people. “Everyone, I am sorry for all the trouble and worry I have caused you. I did not take proper responsibility for the Spiritual Stone of Water. I hid the truth from you all. I ran away. I deliberately disobeyed my father, and…played inside Lord Jabu-Jabu’s mouth again!”
The adult Zora clicked their tongues and shook their heads, and some of the children gasped at the mention of playing inside Lord Jabu-Jabu’s mouth.
Ruto’s shoulders shook as she continued her formal apology. “And if it were not for this brave Hylian, I would most surely have perished. I also failed to show him proper courtesy.”
Link was about to interrupt and explain that he was a Kokiri, not a Hylian, before Navi bounced up and down on his head and shushed him.
Forgetting her stately composure, the Princess glanced down at the glistening, blue-violet marks on her tail, a public testament to the penalty she had paid for her impoliteness.
King Zora considered the sight of his penitent, chastised daughter. “Well, it seems Link carried out my request, and thoroughly! Very well, Princess Ruto…go to your room!”
Ruto turned around to face her father again. “No, Papa!”
The audience murmured, and King Zora fidgeted. “Um…please obey?” He never knew what to do in these situations without his better half, the dearly departed Queen Zora.
Ruto looked to Link, silently urging him to approach her on the dais, before casting her eyes down in shame again. “I will obey you, Papa, but first I must atone. The punishment Link gave me in Lord Jabu-Jabu’s belly was brought on by my own stubbornness. He promised that he would punish me when we got home safe, and I promised to accept my fate. On behalf of the Zora, I must honor that promise.”
She glanced furtively behind her to the parents and children gathered at the foot of the stone steps, all her subjects. “And the people of the Zora Domain, young and old, must see that their Princess is not above the law.”
King Zora sighed with relief, then settled back comfortably. “Ah! Of course! Carry on, Link, my boy!”
As Link ascended the stone steps to meet Ruto at the top of the dais, she turned to face him again, and held out the small, white object in her hand: an ornate mother-of-pearl hairbrush. “This belonged to my mother. I think you can guess what she used it for. I want you to use it now.”
Navi poked her head from under Link’s hat to whisper, “Link, are you really going to–”
But Link held up a finger to signal silence to Navi, casually tucking his hat back in place as he accepted the brush from Ruto. Link felt his throat catch. What on earth was he supposed to say in this situation? He had almost forgotten the promise to spank Ruto again, and was considering sparing her. Even at his most furious moments, he’d imagined this scene unfolding someplace secluded, never imagining a crowd of witnesses.
Princess Ruto didn’t wait, and meekly assumed the position, resting her webbed hands on her knees. Link saw a few children deliberately scamper around the dais to get a better view of Ruto’s behind. Link saw Ruto’s eyes dampen and her cheeks blush as she took in the scene before her: an entire crowd, her people, there to witness her public flogging.
Link felt those same eyes following him as he wrapped his right arm around Ruto’s waist to hold her weight. She was trembling. He tried his best to hold her gently, hoping she’d be able to sense from his touch that he wasn’t angry with her.
As he held the brush high, Link felt he had to say something to help Ruto face this. His habit of keeping silent just wouldn’t do. “Everyone? I want you to know Princess Ruto was also very brave. Without her, I probably would have died. I know what she did before today was wrong, but none of you should be ashamed of how your Princess acted today.”
At this, the children murmured, and a few of the stern-faced adults cracked a smile, waving their fins in what Link hoped was a friendly gesture. Link ignored the murmured comments of the crowd below and whispered to Ruto, so that only she could hear. “That includes you, Princess.”
Link felt her trembling relax, and a smile flashed across her face before she hid it behind mock annoyance. “Well, are you going to keep me in suspense all day? The entirety of Zora Domain is waiting for you! Get on with it!”
Link nodded, and patted Ruto’s already scorched backside with the flat-end of the pearl hairbrush. He realized that though it was smaller than his own hand-carved wooden brush, its material was solid and weighty. Every stroke would cover a smaller, more concentrated area, and he wondered if it would leave bruises.
Link swallowed. On the one hand, after all the formal ceremony, he didn’t want any of the Zora to think he was letting Ruto off lightly. On the other hand, he already felt sorry for her. How would he even tell if he was hitting too hard? The azure ass of a Zora was hard to compare to the peachy posterior of a Hylian or Kokiri.
The first smack rang out, echoing above the heads of the crowd. Link saw a mottled, purple mark rise on the spot where the brush had landed across Ruto’s left sit spot. Link could only hope that Zora didn’t bruise more easily than humans.
Link settled on a compromise. He would withhold his full strength, but carry out a longer punishment, waiting to listen for cues from both the crowd and Ruto herself to decide when she had been punished enough. He lightened the force of the blows, but made sure to cover every inch of Ruto’s behind and upper thighs. By this time, the color of Ruto’s royal rump had deepened to a vivid royal blue. Link felt her struggle to keep still, and felt the weight of her belly press against the fingers of his right hand for support. She was struggling valiantly, but the lingering effects of the burns must have been agonizing.
Link paused, hoping this would be deemed a just penalty for her crimes, or to at least offer her a breather. “Princess Ruto, stand and face your father.”
Ruto obeyed, fresh tears spilling freely, sparkling as they caught the cool light. Behind them, Link heard a crowd of adult voices muttering what he hoped was approval, even some childish voices cooing with admiration. King Zora lowered his hand from his eyes, apparently struggling to witness the sight of his spoiled little girl in distress. “Very good! Well, I was never much of a disciplinarian, but I really do suppose her mother would have been very pleased with the job you’ve done, young man! And very pleased with you! This is a happy day for the Zora!”
Finally, the crowd of expectant Zora raised their voices in a warbling war cry, their musical voices more used to speaking underwater. With a rush of relief, Link offered the hairbrush back to Ruto, only for her to close his fingers around the handle. “No, silly. You keep it of course. You’ll surely have a need for it again in the future!”
Navi wished Link could have seen the puzzled look on his face. “But I already own a hairbrush?”
Ruto rolled her eyes, then kissed him lightly on the cheek, wrapping her right arm lightly atop his left arm as they descended the stone steps. “Well, then keep it as a token of my gratitude. The next time you have to spank me, I’d prefer you use Mother’s brush, though I suppose you can pull out that unwieldy club you call a hairbrush if I’m being a handful.”
Link smiled as the adult Zora clapped him on the back, and wondered why some of the teenage girl Zoras were giggling so absurdly. “Spank you? When am I ever going to have to spank you again?”
Ruto giggled and squeezed Link’s arm gently. “That’s very sweet of you to say, but I think we both know I’m the stubborn type! But for your sake, I’ll promise to be on my best behavior…for a while!”
Link nodded absent mindedly, struggling to listen to Ruto over the sound of the crowded Zora’s strange words of encouragement, and whispered comments:
“Good work, lad. Our Princess finally found a man, man enough to tame her!”
“My, he’s so handsome. Just imagine! Our own little Hylian prince!”
An adorable little Zora girl bounced up and down before them. “I hope I find a Zora-mate as brave as you one day, Hylian! Will you have lots and lots of kids when you get married?”
Link laughed bashfully. “Well, I’m a Kokiri actually. I suppose I haven’t thought about that other stuff much. I guess it’d be nice to grow up and maybe have kids one day. But I’ve got to complete Princess Zelda’s quest first!”
Instantly, a hush fell over the crowd. Link felt Ruto’s grip tighten on his arm again, but this time she pinched so tightly he felt his arm numb. She turned slowly to face him. “Princess Zelda? You know her, do you? What’s your relationship to her?”
She smiled so sweetly, it made Link nervous. Was there some tension between the two kingdoms he was unaware of? Link wished he wasn’t so ignorant of Hylian and Zora customs. “She’s sent me on an important quest to gather the three spiritual stones. That’s why I sought out the Zora Domain in the first place. The fate of all Hyrule rests on my shoulders!”
“And is that the only reason you accepted my mother’s stone? Didn’t you want it as a gift from me?”
Navi gasped and tried to fly to Link’s ear, but too late!
Link grasped Ruto by both shoulders, answering urgently. “Oh no, it was a wonderful gift! You have my eternal thanks. And as soon as I help Princess Zelda stop Ganondorf from doing whatever it is he’s planning to do, I’ll come right back to you!”
At this, the crowd seemed to nod approvingly and return to their celebrations. They had started hanging decorations and scattering flowers before him and Princess Ruto. Link wondered if these peculiar Zora customs were just to celebrate Ruto’s rescue? It almost seemed like they were preparing for some kind of strange holiday.
Princess Ruto nodded, apparently relieved, before planting a kiss on Link’s cheek. “Well, I know Princess Zelda well. She is a good friend, and a model of wisdom. I doubt she’ll try to steal something so precious to me! …I hope my mother’s stone will help you on your quest…tee hee!”
Link beamed, and embraced Ruto tightly, happy to have made such a good friend. Ruto blushed madly, before shoving Link away from her playfully and crossing her arms. “Not in front of everybody, you goose!”
Link nodded so wildly, Navi bounced back and forth inside his cap, unable to catch his attention. He waved to Ruto as he dashed toward the waterfall that hid the entrance to the Zora Domain. “Okay. Bye, Ruto!”
This goodbye was much sooner than Princess Ruto expected. Her pretend annoyance vanished. She held up a hand in a delicate goodbye, before dropping all pretense and rushing after Link to see him off at the waterfall. “Don’t keep me waiting for too long! We’ll have the wedding ceremony at the next full moon!”
Link paused at the waterfall. “A ceremony? Huh. It won’t be long and boring, will it?”
After being jostled around inside Link’s hat, Navi practically dove towards his ear. Everything was happening so fast! “Wait, Link! Hey! Listen!”
Ruto shook her head. “No. It will be short and sweet…and beautiful!”
Navi paused. She watched Ruto tenderly place a hand on Link’s cheek, before pulling him into a rough half-hug, half-chokehold. Navi knew instantly that Ruto was trying to make up for pushing away Link’s earlier embrace. Trying to make a memory that would last.
Oblivious, Link returned the embrace genuinely. Ruto’s rough grip on him melted as she sank into his arms.
Navi felt the urgent warning die on her lips. Whatever her faults, Ruto deserved to have this moment. Navi would have to break the news to Link another time.
Link beamed. “I will return to you as soon as I can, Princess Ruto!”
The End
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