Red Rears for Rose and Rouge: Chapter 1
Once upon a time, outside of the quaint village of Floral Forest, nestled amidst the vibrant blooms and verdant foliage, there was…a bush. Apart from the fact that a bluebird named Flicky liked to hunt for worms there, there was nothing particularly remarkable about this bush. But as Flicky made his mid-morning meal, he heard a chirping sound, like bird-song, though not like any he’d ever heard. The leaves of this bush rustled, and Flicky flew away, tweeting furiously.
Out from the bush popped the pink-haired head of a young, love-struck, star-crossed hedgehog: Amy Rose. She held up a device like an analog walkie-talkie with a miniature television screen, the source of the beeping that had so offended poor Flicky.
“Come on, Tails, don’t let me down!” growled Amy under her breath as she slapped the screen with the gloved palm of her hand. The device was a Chaos Emerald Locator, Tails’ latest invention. It had led Amy to the general area of Floral Forest, but the blip that indicated a Chaos Emerald was close by had been moving in circles all morning.
“Once I find that Chaos Emerald, and get it set in an engagement ring, then break into Sonic’s house, hide the ring under his pillow, and play subliminal messages over the radio for a few weeks telling Sonic to marry Amy Rose, he’s sure to find it, take it as a sign from heaven, and surprise me with a magical, romantic proposal of marriage!” Amy grinned slyly. Her plan was fool proof! Too bad Tails’ gadget wasn’t more precise, but he was only a kid after all!
As she played with the dial impatiently, the blip appeared on her screen again, and Amy nearly fumbled the locator in her excitement. It was only thirty feet away? But then more dots appeared on the screen. Four of them? That couldn’t be right!
Amy huffed, sending one of her pink strands of “hair” fluttering (one of her quills). “I am so going to kick Tails’ tails when I get home!”
Then she heard footsteps approaching. Amy hid deeper in the bush at the sight of a robot. Was it one of Eggman’s badniks? Amy exhaled with relief as she examined the lone robot more carefully, and recognized him. “No! It’s just Gemerl. Thank goodness!”
Although Gemerl had technically been created by the bad doctor, Gemerl had defected to Team Sonic after befriending Cream the Rabbit. Suddenly a lightbulb appeared over Amy Rose’s head. “I should say hi, maybe Gemerl knows something about the Chaos…”
Just as Amy jumped out of the bush to introduce herself, several things happened at once. The wind rustled the branches of the trees above them, and as Gemerl caught sight of Amy, he twitched reflexively into a battle stance. Amy tried to shout, “Woah!” as she produced her weapon, a Piko Hammer, to defend herself. Then a shadowy figure leapt from the tree branches, dropping straight towards Gemerl, who spun his attention upward.
Gemerl’s glass eyes flashed red. “Ambush sighted! Defense protocol engaged!”
His metalic arm shot upward to block, just in time to intercept a mean axe kick from the mysterious assailant. As Gemerl struck the assassin’s chest, she squeaked and hopped backward into the light, covering her ample breasts with a pout. “Humph! Well I never! I see Eggman hasn’t programmed you to behave like a gentleman!”
Amy recognized the voice at once. “Rouge? What are you…”
Before Amy could finish, Gemerl leapt at her with a spinning reverse hook kick. “Attackers on two sides! Recommended tactics: 1. Use aggressive offense to create distance! 2. Retreat to Floral Forest Village! 3. Raise the alarm!”
Amy whipped up the handle of her hammer to deflect the kick, but not wanting to hurt a friend of a friend, she checked her counter-blow.
Before Amy could open her mouth to explain herself, Rouge interrupted with a hooting, high-pitched cackle. “Announcing your attacks? How darling! You remind me of Omega.”
As Rouge attempted a running jump kick, Gemerl dodged out of the way of her deadly stiletto high-heels, leaving a shocked Amy directly in Rouge’s path. With a squeal, Amy ducked, and the knife-like heel sunk into the tree trunk above her head. “Rouge? You almost took my head off!”
Struggling to pull her heel free, Rouge immediately hid her fear behind her bravado. “Well, well, well, Amy Rose? You’re out of your league, kid. But don’t worry, I’m a government agent, I’m trained to take down Eggman’s robots!”
Amy tried to scramble out from under Rouge’s leg, still pinned in place above her. “I’m not a kid! And Gemerl’s not one of–”
The two unlady-like ladies froze as they heard a humming roar behind them. Both turned to look, and found Gemerl’s arms pointed at them like cannons, steam rising as crackling orange energy burst from them.
Amy was on her hands and knees. Rouge was still standing on one leg.
Out of respect for his friend Cream the Rabbit, Gemerl thankfully refused to use lethal force.
Nevertheless, as his programming dictated, Gemerl aimed for the center of mass. The two beams of energy landed precisely on Amy and Rouge’s rear ends, blasting aside Amy’s hammer and snapping Rouge’s knife-like high heel. They landed face-first in the soft dirt, their two tails steaming from the residual heat.
Gemerl casually kept his arm cannons trained on the two strangers as they flew through the air and landed, ready to blast them again. “Targets temporarily stunned. Initiating ‘friend or foe’ protocol. Unidentified assailants, please identify yourselves as either friend or foe.”
Rouge snarled as she lifted her face from the dirt, spitting out a pebble, her sensitive ears still ringing from the blast. “Get out of here, Amy! I’ll handle Eggman’s lackey!”
To her credit, even with a missing high-heel, Rouge managed to stumble between Amy and the robot’s line of fire before she froze at the sight of Gemerl aiming another blast at her chest. His eyes flickering red, his voice suddenly became less robotic in his anger. “I am not Eggman’s lackey anymore! Answer required. Friend? Or foe?”
Still wincing, Amy snapped her hands up in a gesture of surrender. “We’re friends! I mean, I’m friends with Cream the Rabbit!”
Instantly, Gemerl’s eyes flashed from blazing red to a more cautious yellow. “Friends of Cream?”
Amy nodded furiously, trying to catch Rouge’s eye.
In truth, Rouge didn’t know Cream that well, but as she looked back and forth, she caught the hint. “Yes! Good friends! Both of us!”
Gemerl cocked his head as his central processing unit started to buzz. “Accessing memory. Targets identified. Calculating probability of veracity…”
“Who are you?” chirped a little voice from behind Amy and Rouge.
Amy and Rouge stiffened, and turned to look. It was Cream the Rabbit, holding a picnic basket.
Cream closed her eyes, smiling as she recognized Amy. “Oh! Miss Amy! What are you–”
Gemerl’s eyes flashed red again. “Miss Cream! Please remove yourself from the vicinity!”
Amy and Rouge started babbling at the same time. “We’re-friends-we’re-friends-we’re-friends!”
Cream stomped her foot. “Mr. Gemerl! You stop that, right this instant! This is my friend, Amy Rose!”
“Acknowledged. And what of the assassin?”
Cream cocked her head at the sight of the bat in the strange, skin-tight outfit. Her pet, Cheese the Chao, poked his blue head curiously out of the picnic basket to investigate. Cream and Cheese shared a look, both wondering why the grown bat-woman was still wearing her pajamas. “I’m sorry, have we met, Ma’am?” asked Cream.
Painfully aware that Gemerl’s two cannons were now aimed directly at her chest (one for each of her breasts), Rouge struggled to find a truthful answer that also wouldn’t anger the guardian robot. “Well! I think we met briefly after that whole business with Metal Sonic, but…I’d love to be friends!”
Cream giggled. “Oh! I remember now! Silly me! You’re Mr. Knuckles’ friend! He asked me all sorts of questions about you! I simply must have you over to Mother’s house for tea!”
Finally, as Gemerl’s eyes gently shifted from yellow to a soothing green color, his stiff robotic words became more warm and human. “Calculations complete. Initiating apology. I am so sorry, Miss Amy and Miss Rouge. My inductive reasoning regarding your intentions was faulty. I incorrectly concluded that you were after the Chaos Emerald.”
“Chaos Emerald?” snapped Amy and Rouge at the same instant.
Gemerl nodded. “Affirmative. Analyzing situation… Ha. Ha. Ha. As Miss Cream would say, ‘How silly of me!’”
The robot opened a hatch on his chest, producing a hefty gem, clear as a diamond. As his gentle personality overrode the more logical aspects of his programming, Gemerl closed his eyes to indicate an amused expression. “It would appear this present circumstance perfectly fits the definition of irony!”
His eyes went wide as Amy and Rouge both dove for the gem, crashing into his chest and into each other.
As the coveted emerald flew into the air, Cream’s plaintive cry of, “No!” was lost over the furious sound of the three-man brawl.
…
Vanilla the Rabbit sipped her rooibos tea daintily, wondering what was keeping Cream. It was a shame to miss tea time on a perfect spring day like today. What could be more calming than a rich, red rooibos, sweetened with honey, cream, and vanilla?
Vanilla basked in the sight of a flock of birds taking flight above the nearby forest. Then, with a crack like thunder, an intense blast of energy burst from the forest into the sky. An old oak tree trembled, then fell over, raising a pillar of dust, leaves, and ash.
Vanilla ducked as a chunk of wood the size of a dagger came spiraling towards her from the forest. The missile shattered her perfect cup of tea, before it sank, quivering, into the cottage wall behind her.
Rolling up her sleeves, Vanilla ran to ring the alarm bell for the volunteer fire department, ignoring the sound of a third explosion echoing from the forest.
…
“Oh no! Mr. Gemerl! Please don’t fight! Violence is not the answer!” wailed Cream, as the robot’s arm cannon shot missed Rouge the Bat, felling another tree.
“Chao chao!” chimed in Cheese.
“Fear not, Miss Cream. Though your friends’ behavior is unacceptable, I will only utilize Combat Practice Mode to neutralize them,” answered Gemerl as he kicked the Chaos Emerald from Rouge’s clutches.
But before he could snatch it up, Amy Rose launched it into the air like a polo ball with her Piko Hammer. “Look, I don’t want to hurt you, Gemerl, but I need that Chaos Emerald! Yipe!”
Amy deftly blocked a series of karate chops as Gemerl spun his arms like helicopter blades. “Such concerns may be disregarded, Miss Amy. You cannot hurt me. I am not programmed to feel pain.”
Kicking against a tree, Rouge managed to get enough height to glide for the gem and snatch it before either Amy or Gemerl could reach it. “Sorry, but this beauty is already spoken for.”
Gemerl launched into the air with surprising force, and would surely have intercepted Rouge if Amy’s Piko Hammer hadn’t knocked him down to land in a patch of tall grass.
Amy stammered as she waved to the robot’s prone form, before running past him awkwardly, hot on the bat’s trail. “Sorry! I’m Sorry! So sorry!”
Cream cradled Gemerl’s spherical head, relieved to see that the robot was only stunned, his eyes displaying spinning logos as he rebooted. “Amy Rose! Shame on you! That’s no way to treat Mr. Gemerl!”
Hopping nimbly from rocks and tree branches to reach her quarry, Amy turned and looked over her shoulder stupidly in mid air, “I didn’t wanna hurt him! It was a…reeeeeflex!”
Amy’s last word trailed off into a wail as the handle of the Piko Hammer lodged into Rouge’s right boot. Rouge careened as she felt something heavy pull her off balance. Rouge barely missed a maple tree, and looked down to find Amy dangling from her heels. “Leggo, bimbo! I can’t carry your weight!”
“Say what about my weight? Are you calling me fat?” roared Amy.
Rouge twisted in midair to avoid a series of birch trees, and gambled on trying to make Amy lose her temper long enough to shake free from her grip. “Oh, don’t worry, lovebird, you’re skinny as a rail! Most men <i>do</i> prefer a gal with curves, but who knows? Maybe Sonic’s an exception!”
Furious, Amy fixed her grip around Rouge’s ankles and snapped the Piko Hammer forward, slapping the Chaos Emerald free from Rouge’s grip.
By now, Rouge’s flight had angled so sharply, they were heading straight back towards Cream and Gemerl. Mad with greed, Rouge dove downward for the gem blindly, her stomach smacking against a tree branch, knocking the wind out of her. The force of the sudden stop carried Amy forward along an arc that sent her spiraling forward and upside-down.
Gemerl blinked his eyes, and the spinning wheels vanished as his system reset. Instantly, he thrust upward and towards the spiraling gem in mid-air, only for Amy to snatch it from his fingers as she flew through the air.
Wailing, Amy was momentarily oblivious of the prize she held, until a sparkle caught her eye. For a blessed moment, she held the gem and imagined Sonic kneeling to place a 3,000 karat engagement ring on her finger.
Then she smacked flat into a tree trunk and the emerald went flying behind her. By this point, Rouge had caught her breath, and dove down to skim along the grass and intercept the gem before it landed. “Not! One! Scratch! On! My! Emerald!”
Unable to feel pain, Gemerl thrust himself after the gem, letting Rouge smack against him, hoping to knock her out of the sky and bring the fight to a quick resolution without hurting Cream’s friends further. Unfortunately, his computations underestimated Rouge’s tenacity to possess the precious jewel. With a well-practiced flying judo maneuver, she caught the gem and rolled over the robot, sending him flat on his back with enough force to leave an impression in the soft ground. Mechanically, Gemerl shot a blast through his arm cannon that sent the indestructible emerald flying into the air once again, clearing the canopy above and heading towards the nearby village.
With a hiss, Gemerl grasped his arm in an all-too-human gesture, as though he could feel pain after all. “No! Must…resist urge to terminate Cream’s friends! Override Command: Big Brother!”
With a dense “Thwoom!” Gemerl’s arm cannons disconnected and flew away from his body, leaving him (figuratively and literally) disarmed. With a mechanical chirp that sounded oddly like a human groan of exhaustion, Gemerl collapsed backwards
Rouge lifted a boot that could have impaled even the robot’s steel armor, before hesitating. Whether it was pity at the sight of the robot’s heroic struggle, or a refusal to let anything distract her from the gem, only Rouge knew. Instead of attacking her downed opponent, she leapt lightly up and away from the robot. The emerald seemed to hang in midair, before slowly descending towards the central square in Floral Forest village.
Ignoring the stunned bystanders, Rouge swooped past them, grinning wickedly, the sparkle of the gem reflecting in her eyes and on her pointed bat teeth.
All the jewels in the world belonged to her!
Then, something slammed into the ground directly in front of her, with a resounding, “PIKO!”
Rouge’s face smacked directly against Amy’s Piko Hammer. For such a heavy weapon, it was surprisingly soft, the energy of the hammer producing a crackle of heart-shaped energy that could send Amy’s opponents flying without serious injury. Amy Rose <i>did</i> fight with the power of love, after all!
Using the handle of the hammer like a pole vault, Amy thrust into the air, to catch the gem that would crown her wedding ring. She had won! This was an omen! She and Sonic would get married, and have seven children!
With a clink, the gem froze in mid-air, and Amy’s leap carried her forward and into a face-plant. Cream the Rabbit was fluttering above her holding the chaos emerald, thanks to the power granted by her rabbit ears to defy the laws of gravity. “Amy Rose! Miss Rouge! That’s enough! This Chaos Emerald doesn’t belong to you!”
Picking herself up, Amy suddenly felt stupid. Everything had been happening so fast, she’d forgotten how foolish she must look to Cream, who she regarded as both a friend and unofficial little sister.
Before Amy could apologize, Rouge interrupted. “That’s right! It doesn’t belong to you! It belongs to me!”
Amy and Cream didn’t recognize the sound of the voice until they turned to look. Rouge was so furious, she had lost all the femme-fatalle sultriness that usually marked her attitude. Her chest heaving for air, the immodest bat pulled something from her low-cut top so furiously, her breasts jiggled. Unaware of the mothers rushing to cover the eyes of their children, Rouge smugly flipped open the wallet to display a badge. “I’m an official agent of the Guardian Units of Nations, and I’m here to collect the Chaos Emerald!”
Amy gripped her Piko Hammer so tightly, the fabric of her gloves creaked. “Those clowns have no control over the Chaos Emeralds! Besides, I need it for Sonic!”
Rouge cocked an eyebrow. “Oh? And I suppose Sonic sent you to collect them all for some important mission? We all know how much he <i>hates</i> having to go on adventures and save the world himself!”
Amy choked. “Well…not exactly! But it <i>is</i> really important, and it <i>is</i> for Sonic!”
By this point, Cream, Cheese, and the local children and families had all gathered around to watch this dramatic turn of events. Nothing this exciting ever happened in cozy, folksy, Floral Forest Village. Cream settled down on the ground next to Gemerl. Although the robot seemed to have recovered from his ordeal, the dings and scratches in his metal body gave the impression that he was a bit rattled.
With a smirk, Rouge deftly tucked the wallet back into place between her cleavage, before producing a surprisingly large briefcase which had also been perfectly concealed in the same hiding place. With a flick, the briefcase opened to reveal three chaos emeralds. Her temper cooling, Rouge regained her smooth, teasing tone of voice. “Well, in that case, I’ll bring it straight to Sonic for you!”
Amy’s eyes widened at the sight of the gems, imagining which color would look best on her ring finger. “That’s not fair! Why do you get three? I only need one!”
Cream looked at Amy with hurt in her eyes, but also with a hint of curiosity. “But, Amy, I thought you were bringing all the emeralds to Mr. Sonic? Why would you only need one?”
The crowd gasped, and Amy suddenly became aware that she and Rouge had an audience. Rouge gestured to the onlookers as if to say, “See?”
Aware just how stupid “Operation Get Sonic To Marry Me” would sound if she was questioned any further, Amy felt her cheeks flush. “Hold on! If you’re collecting the Chaos Emeralds for G.U.N., why are you willing to take them to Sonic? The government hates how Sonic shows them up all the time!”
Rouge’s eyes went wide. “I was just collecting them…for research!”
Her brow knitting, Cream blurted out, “What kind of research?”
Then Cream covered her mouth, horrified by her own rudeness, before raising her hand politely. “Oops! I’m sorry! Excuse me, Miss Rouge, what kind of research?”
A sweat bead trickled down Rouge’s forehead, landing squarely atop her quivering intermammary cleft. “That’s…classified! Need-to-know basis only! Of course, I have no problem sharing my gems with Sonic if he needs them to save the earth.”
Amy fixed Rouge with what she hoped was her fiercest girlboss face. “What do you mean, <i>my</i> gems?”
The crowd looked to Rouge expectantly. A local food-truck vendor called out, “Popcorn! Get your popcorn here!”
Clearing her throat, Rouge stuffed the briefcase back into place between her breasts. With a single jiggle, it vanished completely! “That was a figure of speech! Look, little girl! It’s pretty obvious you’re after ‘just one’ Chaos Emerald for some personal reason. Go on, do tell!”
Amy refused to take the bait. “Little girl? You’re barely any older than me!”
“Ooo! Now it’s getting personal!” whispered an elderly onlooker.
A couple of pre-teen boys started quietly chanting, “Cat! Fight! Cat! Fight!” their eyes filled with hope.
Rouge examined her nails. “I’m nineteen years old, so I’m the only legal adult here!”
A little red-tailed squirrel in a hoop skirt pointed at Rouge and whispered to her mother quizzically. “Mom? Is it okay for me to dress like her when I turn nineteen?”
“Not unless you want a spanking when you turn nineteen, dear,” answered her mother, neutrally.
The young squirrel nodded. “Oh! Okay. In that case I don’t wanna.”
Ignoring the crowd, Amy scrambled to find a retort, hoping to get Rouge to slip up again. “Well, I’m sixteen years old! See? You’re barely older than me!”
Rouge sighed dramatically. “Didn’t you use a magic ring to wish to be a teenager when you were 8-years-old or something? C’mon, girl to girl, what’s your real age? Twelve years old?”
Amy blushed. “That’s not how it happened! I mean…yeah, sorta, but we found a way to undo that!”
Rouge rested her chin on the back of her hand coyly. “Oh! So you admit you used a magic ring to turn yourself into a teenager because you were obsessed with getting Sonic to notice you? And I’m supposed to trust you with a Chaos Emerald?”
“Wait, did that really happen?” asked a young chipmunk wearing a t-shirt emblazoned with the words “Sonic Fan Club.”
“Sigh. It’s a long story, sonny,” answered his uncle, putting away his Archie comic book.
Her temper rising, Amy ignored the growing whispers of the crowd. “Oh! That does it!” She slammed the Piko Hammer into the ground with enough force to send rattling tremors through the ground that caught everyone off guard.
Everyone except Rouge. The bat skipped lightly into the air and floated back down to avoid the earth-trembling blow. “If you’re that set on embarrassing yourself in public, I suppose I can give you the spanking you have coming, little missy!”
Amy twirled the Piko Hammer lightly in her hands. “Well, I’m the only one who brought a paddle!”
As Amy and Rouge’s eyes locked, it was as if a bolt of lightning snapped between them.
The two pre-teen boys’ chants of “Cat! Fight! Cat! Fight!” were now reaching a crescendo.
Cream surreptitiously hid the Chaos Emerald in her picnic basket, before politely raising her hand again. “Excuse me, Amy? Miss Rouge? Please don’t fight again! We can solve our problems with words, not fists!”
Alas, too late!
Amy and Rouge didn’t intend to use their fists. Amy slammed her Piko Hammer into the ground again, using the impact to launch herself forward for a mid-air charge. Rouge the Bat performed an elegant pirouette that transformed into a diving kick with her unbroken stiletto heel. Time seemed to slow to a standstill as the two mortal foes dove towards each other like two samurai. Just before Rouge’s heel impacted against the surface of the Piko Hammer, the entire crowd shielded their eyes and turned away, readying themselves for a blinding light, followed by a deafening explosion! In an instant, it would all be over!
But neither light nor explosion came.
"Amy Rose! Rouge the Bat! That's enough!" Vanilla the Rabbit, Cream's mother, intercepted them both, pinching Amy’s hammer in one hand, Rouge’s unbroken high heel in her other.
Amy and Rouge froze in mid-air, until they became aware of the existence of gravity, and finally snapped to attention back on the ground.
Vanilla stood with her hands on her hips, a frown etched upon her face. "Look at the mess you've made," she scolded in a no-nonsense tone, gesturing to the disarray around them.
As the de-facto matriarch of Floral Forest Village, Vanilla had an imposing presence, over a head taller than both girls. “You've set a terrible example for the little ones."
At the thought of Cream witnessing this, Amy hung her head like a scolded child, but Rouge folded her arms across her chest, before starting to flutter her wings to lift off. “Wow! That’s a lot of damage! Well, Amy, since your hammer did all this, I suppose I’ll just leave you to–”
“Oh, no you don’t, you brazen little strumpet! You're both coming with me!” snapped Vanilla, pinning Rouge firmly by the ear before she could escape.
Amy opened her mouth to offer explanations, apologies, excuses, but the words died on her lips as she felt Vanilla pinch her ear as well. Already, Amy recognized that dangerous quality in Vanilla’s voice, the kind that would brook no argument. Amy had heard it before.
Rouge dropped straight back to earth, grasping at Vanilla’s wrist in a desperate attempt to relieve the pressure on her ear. “Ow! Hey, watch it, lady! I’m a federal agent!”
Vanilla narrowed her eyes as she examined Rouge’s outfit. “Oh? And I suppose the government is using my tax dollars to hire strippers to vandalize the town square now? So, what else is new!”
“Yowch! I’m not a stripper! This is stealth gear! And it was Little Miss Bubble Gum here who put craters in your sidewalk, not me!”
Amy felt Vanilla release the grasp on her ear and point toward Gemerl, who was covered in dings from the recent scuffle. “Did you do that to poor Gemerl?”
Rouge’s eyes darted to Gemerl nervously, before she looked back to Vanilla to protest. “Huh? Oh, c’mon! I thought he was a badnik! Yikes!” Rouge’s shoulders hunched as she felt Vanilla tightened the delicate pinch.
Vanilla lifted Rouge’s ear up, oh so slightly, so that their eyes met, before gently taking hold of Amy’s ear again and frog-marching them both toward her cottage. “Don’t you, ‘Oh, c’mon!’ me, Little Miss My Tax Dollars at Work. It was a simple question. You can answer with a simple ‘Yes, Ma’am!’ or ‘No, Ma’am!’”
Rouge hooted as she hobbled forward on tip-toe, still shaky thanks to her missing high heel. “Ouchie! Okay, okay! Yes! …Yes, ma’am! But–Yeee!”
Vanilla quickened the pace of the march. “I don’t want to hear any ‘buts’! Now, you march, Little Miss I’m From the Government And I’m Here to Help!”
Gemerl raised his hand politely. “Excuse me, Mrs. Vanilla, but my damage is only superficial, and did indeed result from a mutual misunderstanding. I share the blame.”
Instantly, Vanilla’s stern gaze melted to a warm smile as she paused the death march. “Thank you, Gemerl. I’ll take that into consideration.”
Rouge tried to nod, but the pinch on her ear prevented her from lowering her head so much as an inch. “There! See? All a simple misunderstanding! But it was Amy who–”
At the mention of the word ‘but,’ Rouge’s protests were silenced by a single gentle twist to the ear that sent the bat standing on one foot and tapping the toe of her broken-heeled boot. Vanilla stood regally, enjoying the spectacle, before answering. “Oh, don’t worry, Miss Rogue. I’ll have words with Amy soon enough.”
Amy winced as Vanilla fixed her with a stern look, but not because of any pain in her ear.
The hot temper in Vanilla’s voice faded to cold disappointment. “Miss Rose, I expected better of you.”
Amy shivered under Vanilla’s icy stare, before it was replaced by a fresh fire in the mother’s eyes. Amy followed Vanilla’s gaze ahead to see where she was leading them. Looming ahead of them was Vanilla and Cream’s cozy cottage, and next to it, a quaint wooden shed.
Amy and Cream had been friends for years, sharing birthdays and sleepovers. Everyone knew Cream as the most polite, delightful little girl they had ever met. Amy agreed with the sentiment, but she was one of the few people outside the Rabbit family who knew the reason. Of course, Cream the Rabbit was so polite because Vanilla the Rabbit was both a loving mother and a firm disciplinarian.
On more than one occasion, Amy Rose had misbehaved while Vanilla was responsible for her, on behalf of Mr. and Mrs. Rose. On more than one occasion, Vanilla had escorted Amy to that same woodshed, with the approval of Mr. and Mrs. Rose.
At the sight of the woodshed, Cream piped up, "Excuse me, Mom? Are you going to spank them?"
"Well, Cream, dear, that depends on what they did, and whether they tell me the truth," Vanilla replied, her voice firm. "First, I’m going to get to the bottom of things. And if they need a spanking…well, I’ll get to the bottom of things!"
Amy quailed. She’d known this was coming, but hearing it said out loud was like a death sentence. Just hearing the word “spanking” all by itself was enough to put Amy into a state of complete surrender. Her face flushed with embarrassment, Amy closed her eyes, already feeling tears. “I’m so sorry, Mrs. Vanilla! You don’t have to spank us! I promise not to fight Rouge any more!”
At the mention of spanking, Rouge’s eyes widened with disbelief, and the struggle to free her ear became more desperate, but no less futile. “Hold on! Is this a joke? I'm too old for a spanking!"
“Too old, Miss Rouge the Bat? Well, as long as you insist on acting like Miss Rouge the Brat, my opinion is that you’ll never be too old for a good spanking!"
Rouge stammered. “But…I have rights! I’m innocent until proven guilty! I work for the President, dammit!”
Cream, Cheese, and Amy all winced at the sound of the curse word, remembering all the times Vanilla had washed their mouths out with soap for swearing.
For the moment, Vanilla chose to ignore Rogue’s potty mouth. “Indeed you do have rights! So, once we talk to the police, I’d advise you to ask for a lawyer and exercise your right to remain silent!”
Rouge rolled her eyes and blew a raspberry. (<i>“Whoa! Two more spanking offenses!”</i> thought Cream and Cheese and Amy simultaneously.) “What, you gonna have the local sheriff toss me in the clink? C’mon! I work for the Pres–”
“Yes, dear. I know you work for the President,” Vanilla interrupted. “We’ll come to that matter soon.”
Cream marveled at her mother’s calm self-control, as if Rogue was a toddler fussing over not wanting to eat her vegetables.
Vanilla continued her explanation. “But in the first place, Floral Forest Village has no jail, because usually there’s no need for one here. On the exceedingly rare occasion some trouble-maker comes to town, Sheriff Tom has to escort them all the way to Central City for booking. Given that it’s impractical to have every misbehaving child arrested and locked up, I tend to favor less extreme methods, like timeouts, or spankings. You’ll have to forgive me, Miss Rouge! Given that you were rough-housing with Miss Rose, I assumed I was dealing with two naughty little girls who needed a lesson in manners.”
Vanilla turned her attention from Rouge to Amy. “Thankfully, no one was hurt in the explosions you caused, though there was some property damage. You see, Amy’s parents and I are kindred spirits on matters of child rearing. In fact, I think of Amy as the second daughter I never had!”
Amy’s heart sank at the thought of how her actions could have endangered others, then fluttered at being called Vanilla’s second daughter. It was a different kind of love than she felt in the presence of her one true love, Sonic the Hedgehog, but no less profound.
Vanilla released her grasp on Rouge’s ear, but not Amy’s, allowing Rouge a moment to rub her ear and consider her predicament. “Of course, Miss Rouge, if you are too old for a spanking, then I suppose we’ll have to bother Sheriff Tom. I’m sure if you call up The President, he’ll vouch for you.”
Rouge stiffened. She was free. She could fly away right now. But no one at G.U.N. had actually authorized her to collect the Chaos Emeralds. Flashing her badge was usually enough to satisfy rural sheriffs and beat cops, but a police report would mean a lot of annoying paperwork, and possibly some uncomfortable questions from HQ. Agent Topaz was going to bust Rouge’s chops for this. Her best bet was to pour the charm on Sheriff Tom.
Rouge put her trust in her tried and true sassiness. “So be it! Call up Sheriff Tom. What kind of doughnuts does he like? The agency can send him a box to apologize for you wasting his time with–”
With a flourish, Vanilla produced a phone from her pocket. “Oh! No need for that! We can just call up the President!”
Rouge pursed her lips, still amused, but also hiding her nerves. “I can’t bother the President with something so trivial! I’ll just–”
Vanilla pressed a button on her speed dial. “Hello? Mr. President? This is Vanilla the Rabbit. Thank you for taking my call! …Oh! You’re too kind! Say, You know the Chaos Emerald you asked me to protect? Well, some lady’s here causing a ruckus about it. She says she’s an agent of G.U.N., flashing a badge, claims she works for you? Do you know a Miss Rouge the Bat? …Yes! Dressed like that, I’m afraid. I certainly hope that’s not the standard uniform for all your female agents! …Of course, I’ll put you on speaker.”
With a blip, the President’s bright pink face appeared on Vanilla’s phone, his toupee flapping dangerously. “Agent Rouge? What are you doing there? Your last report said you were scouting Dr. Eggman’s—”
Vanilla didn’t take her eyes off of Rouge as she interrupted. “Careful, Mr. President! That’s classified!”
“Oh! Of course, Mrs. Vanilla! Thank you for reminding me, ma’am! Ahem! Agent Rouge! You better not be causing trouble for Mrs. Vanilla!”
Amy pressed her lips together, desperately holding back a fit of giggles. The look on Rouge’s face was priceless!
Although Cream had released her, Rouge felt as if she was locked in a cell already. “But…I finished my mission and filed my report. I was just making a quick detour to locate the Chaos–”
“For the last time! We’re not interested in collecting the Chaos Emeralds any more! If you want to poke around for the missing ones on your own time, so be it, but gathering them all is just asking for trouble from Dr. Eggman! And for Pete’s sake, don’t bother Mrs. Vanilla about your little jewelry collection mania! I’ll have you busted down to checking parking meters if you’ve–”
Vanilla smiled wanly. “Careful, Mr. President. Remember your blood pressure.”
“Oh! Thank you, Mrs. Vanilla! I’m so sorry! Please allow me to send someone to set Rouge straight for you. I’ll have a full investigation! Heads will roll!”
“Thank you, Mr. President, but it’s really no trouble at all. I’m sure Rouge and I will be able to come to an understanding. In fact, if you don’t mind, I might ask her to do a little community service while she’s here. Help get things cleaned up around town.”
“Hmm? Well, if it’s really no trouble…by all means! Agent Rouge is all yours, Mrs. Vanilla. Though, do tell me if she makes any more fuss about your Chaos Emerald!”
Vanilla nodded cheerfully, before turning the screen to face herself again. “I’m sure she won’t, Mr. President. Say, before I forget, how is the progress coming on your proposal to reduce Federal deficit spending this year?”
Now it was the President’s turn to look nervous. “Oh! I’m working tirelessly on it! I promise you we’re going to get the National Debt under control!”
Vanilla’s eyes were like cold steel. “That’s good to hear, Mr. President. You know how important this issue is for the sake of the next generation. Please continue to give the matter your full attention.”
The President wiped the sweat from his brow. “Yes, Ma’am!”
With a perfectly polite goodbye, Vanilla hung up on the President. “Well, Miss Rouge, what’ll it be? You can come along with me and Amy to discuss your behavior, or would you prefer to have Sheriff Tom read you your Miranda rights?”
Rouge felt sweat trickle down her bare shoulders. “Wuh…what’s community service?”
“It means you’ll stay under my roof for a few nights, a week at most, along with Amy, until you girls have made amends for the trouble you caused. And then, we’ll forgive and forget.”
“Instead of the spanking–I mean, instead of the police? How do I know you won’t just have me arrested anyway after you’re done toying with me?”
Feeling her blood boil, Amy couldn’t contain her composure a moment longer. “Mrs. Vanilla would never do that! She’s always fair!”
Amy shuddered as Vanilla turned her gaze on her, but Vanilla’s eyes were kindly. “Thank you, Amy, but please don’t interrupt.”
Amy swallowed as she felt Vanilla’s fingers press into her ear. “Yes, ma’am!”
Vanilla returned her attention to the trembling figure of Rouge the Bat. “I’ll answer your second question first, Rouge. Yes, instead of the police. After community service, the matter is settled. You have my word as a mother. It’s how I’d handle my own daughter, or Amy, or any youngster who is mature enough to learn from their mistakes. But community service is most certainly <i>not</i> instead of a spanking. Frankly, you’ve got at least one good spanking coming to you today already. Of course, you can most certainly expect another spanking any time, and every time, you misbehave while staying under my roof, and additional punishment if I simply deem it necessary to help the lesson sink in properly. After a week, at most, I’ll consider your debt to society paid in full, and you’re free to go. We’ll consider the matter settled. If I can get you straightened out in less than a week, and the damage you’ve caused is repaired quickly, you’ll of course be free to go early. Think of it as time off for good behavior. But it’s no good treating you like I’d treat my own daughter unless you agree to accept discipline.”
Rouge trembled, barely catching herself from repeating the forbidden word “but.” “B-Buh…I’m the world’s greatest…I mean, I haven’t been spanked since I was…since I was a little…” Rouge’s eyes were downcast. “...okay…”
“Okay, what? Speak clearly.”
“I mean, yes! I accept your terms, Vanilla!”
“You may address me as either Mrs. Vanilla, or ma’am. Please respond with a simple ‘Yes, ma’am,’ or ‘No, ma’am’ when I ask a simple yes or no question. Do you understand, Miss Rouge?”
Rouge nodded, all traces of sass gone from her demeanor. “Yes, Mrs. Vanilla!”
Slowly, submissively, Rouge allowed Vanilla to take hold of her ear again. Rouge realized that she was now a prisoner, yet strangely, she also felt a deep sense of trust and liberation. Rouge knew that whatever punishment she was about to face, she herself had just made the choice to face it.
Satisfied, Vanilla looked to Amy, who stiffened. Now it was the pink hedgehog’s turn for Vanilla’s interrogation. “Amy, earlier you said that you wouldn’t fight Rouge anymore and I didn’t have to spank you. I’m glad you want to do better, but I’m afraid I still have to spank you. You know your parents have given me permission to do so for far less than what you did today. Do you agree?”
Amy sniffled. “Yes, ma’am.”
Behind them, Cream and Cheese wiped their eyes. Finally, Cream wept openly. “I’m sorry you’ve got to get spanked, Amy!”
“What? You’re not sorry about me getting spanked?” scoffed Rouge, before she bit her tongue.
Vanilla tactfully ignored Rouge’s remark, knowing she’d have to pick her battles carefully with the willful wench. “They’ll be fine, Cream. You and Cheese go home and set the table for lunch. Then put fresh sheets on the twin beds in your room for Miss Rose and Miss Rouge. Cheese and Chocola can sleep in the old crib while our guests are with us.”
Cream answered with her customary politeness, and flew to obey.
Vanilla escorted her two charges to the door of her sizable woodshed. Remembering Rouge’s earlier smart-aleck remark, Vanilla decided to address the bratty bat. “Miss Rouge, please open the door for me.”
Rouge pouted, deliberately hesitating for three whole seconds before reaching for the handle. “Yes, ma’am.”
End of Chapter 1
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