Bowsette’s Princess Lessons - Chapter 20

Bowsette’s Princess Lessons

Chapter XX: Sudden Death

“The objection to fairy stories is that they tell children there are dragons. But children have always known there are dragons. Fairy stories tell children that dragons can be killed.” –Attributed to G.K. Chesterton, by Terry Pratchett

There comes a point, in any battle, where there is no longer any time for words. Talking is slow. Thinking is slow. As you reach this point, you begin to feel time slowing down, all around you, and everything begins to happen all at once.

As Bowser’s pillar of flame cast long shadows across the chamber, Mario turned and saw Vivian step out of his own shadow, about 30 feet behind him, back in the chamber where he had left behind the injured Lady Bow, Watt, and Mrs. Sushie. He saw the rest of his friends emerge from the shadow: they had all come.

There was a bone-chilling scream. As Bowser arched back his/her head, his/her wail of despair became the guttural howl of an animal. 

A thin pink flame appeared from his/her throat, before it was surrounded by a wild red flame. Instinctively, Mario knew that neither the power of the Red Mushroom, nor the power of a Fire Flower, would save him. One hit from that breath meant instant death.

It is said that, when confronted with danger, people have a fight or flight response. But there is a third option: you can also freeze. When Mario’s friends saw Bowser charging the next blast of flame, they all froze.

There was a very good reason why, in any adventure he undertook, Mario was always the presumptive leader. People said Mario was fearless, but that’s not quite true. Mario was often afraid. He felt the fear of death, even now. Just like Luigi, Mario always had to resist his own fear, every time he entered into battle.

There was only one small difference between Mario and the rest of his friends. All of Mario’s companions were brave adventurers. They were all willing to lay down their lives, fighting for what was right. But over many years, Mario had gotten so used to being afraid, that the fear itself seemed distant. It was as if Mario’s fear was another person, a ghost standing on the sidelines and watching, as Mario dove forward.

And so, in that critical moment, when all of Mario’s friends froze, Mario leapt forward to tackle Bowser to the ground, ignoring the heat that he knew spelled certain death 

Pinning Bowser down by the throat, Mario pressed Bowser’s face away to force Bowser to aim his/her deadly breath of fire up at the ceiling, away from his friends. A pink line cut through the stone like a laser beam, followed by a pillar of red flame that ripped a molten hole through the upper corner of the stone chamber.

Bowser’s eyes rounded on Mario, but before Bowser could resist Mario’s grip, Mario landed a solid punch to the underside of Bowser’s jaw, cutting off the stream of fire. Mario felt his knuckles burning through his gloves, and knew that only the protection of the Fire Flower had kept him alive so far.

With a scream of pain, Bowser pressed his/her hands and feet against the steel beams of the bridge, and with a blast of flame, Bowser and Mario were both lifted into the air, spiralling wildly. As they both slammed against the brick wall, hanging over the lava below, Bowser pinned Mario against the wall.

Bowser dug his/her claws into Mario’s shoulders, but before Bowser could summon another blast of fire, Mario kicked against the wall, shoving past him/her. 

As Mario dove toward the safety of the bridge, Bowser howled and spun in midair, the flames from his/her hands keeping him/her aloft. Then Bowser spotted Mario, and a pink flame leapt to life in his/her throat. Sensing danger, Mario took a long forward jump off the bridge to escape the bullet of pink flame, which ripped a small hole through the metal bridge where Mario had been standing a moment before. 

Dimly, Mario heard all his friends screaming his name as he leapt forward into nothingness. Then he kicked against the wall, desperately trying to reach the safety of the bridge again. As Mario felt gravity begin to pull him down toward the lava and certain death, Mario thought of the flames in Bowser’s palms, and charged two orange fireballs in his own gloved hands. With a burst, Mario blasted the flames downward giving him a final boost in mid air. Slowly, Mario spun his arms to reach the edge of the metal bridge. 

Then Bowser flew under the bridge and rocketed up to catch Mario across the chest. As Bowser slammed Mario against the brick wall, Mario gasped and felt the power of the fire flower being ripped from his body. 

The flames from Bowser’s feet propelled them both upwards, until they smashed against the ceiling. Mario went limp, and as he tried to get his bearings, Bowser spun in mid-air like a judo expert to throw Mario down toward the bridge. Mario felt the wind knocked out of his chest as he slammed down against it. 

Then Bowser pressed against the ceiling and rocketed downward to slam his/her heel down against Mario’s throat with such force, it sent a ripple traveling through the metal bridge. 

Goombella screamed. 

Mario choked, and as the power of the Red Mushroom was knocked out of him, Mario began to shrink to his original, diminutive size.

All of Mario’s friends and companions froze. Mario, their Mario, the greatest fighter they had ever known, had just been crushed…in a matter of mere seconds. Bowser threw back his/her head and guffawed. “Gahar! I did it! I finally did it! I bet Mario, fair and square! And now…”

A small, pink flame appeared in Bowser’s throat. “It’s Game Over!”

But before Bowser could deliver the killing blow, a small Goomba smashed against his/her cheek, knocking aside the deadly bullet of pink fire. Bowser snarled and clutched his/her jaw. “Argh?!?”

Goombario’s blue cap flopped as he landed, and spun to face Bowser, then leapt upward for another headbutt attack. “Multibonk!”

Goombario’s second headbutt attack was aimed at Bowser’s chin, but Bowser caught the Goomba like a football. “Argh! Enough of this! You Goombas want to be Mario’s cannon fodder? Fine!”

Goombario struggled to kick free, to no avail. Grasping Goombario by the foot, Bowser slammed the young Goomba into the ground twice, first with a ringing slam, then an ugly, thick thud. “Seriously! You’re just a goomba! How the hell do you expect to beat me?”

Bowser held the Goomba over the edge of the bridge, aiming a pink fireball at Mario’s unconscious body with his/her free hand. But before Bowser could finish them both off, Goombario gasped. “...get..her…”

As he craned his neck to look at the defeated Goomba, Bowser sneered. “Come again?”

With a trembling breath, Goombario looked past Bowser to roar to the others. “Together!”

It was as if a spell had been broken. As she saw Goombario stupidly charging in danger, Goombella suddenly became aware that she could do that too. “Together!” cried Goombella.

With a howl, Bowser shot a pink fireball wildly towards Mario, but before it could impact, Vivian appeared from Mario’s shadow. With a wave of her index finger, Vivian redirected the pink fireball back toward Bowser’s face, grazing the crown above his head.

As she sprinted to help Goombario, Goombella felt a rush of wind as a blue Koopa shell whizzed over her head like a bullet. Kooper emerged from his shell in mid air to kick Bowser full in the chest. As Bowser released his/her grip on Goombario, the exhausted young Goomba tumbled toward the lava below, before Goombella caught him in mid air and tugged him back to the safety of the bridge.

With a guttural howl, Bowser threw Kooper with such force, the blue-shelled koopa impacted against the brick wall above the lava, leaving a small crater. Before Kooper could fall to his death, Parakarry caught him in mid air. Parakarry struggled to pull up, before Madame Flurrie appeared below them, blowing a mighty breath to create an updraft.

With a snarl, Bowser aimed the pink bullet of flame at Mario’s heart, but the moment Bowser fired, Mario’s shadow shivered. At the speed of light, Vivian emerged from Mario’s shadow and redirected the pink bullet away from Mario. As Vivian held up her hands, two flames danced across her palms. “What’s the matter, Bowser? Been burning the candle at both ends? Your flames weren’t this weak the last time we beat you.”

Throwing his/her hands up high, Bowser began to charge a double fire-ball, the pink and red flames mixing across one another. “Stand aside, you weaklings! I’ve already beaten Mario. I’m the greatest magician of the millenium!”

The Great Gonzales Junior sprinted forward, jumping up and over Vivian’s head to deliver a flying double kick to Bowser’s face. “Nah. You’re just the chump we stepped over before we took down the Shadow Queen.”

As Bowser blasted at Vivian and Gonzales Jr. with the combined force of red and pink fire from both his hands and his throat, Vivian screamed and twisted her hands to magically deflect the fire, acting as Mario’s only shield. Gonzales was forced to jump off the bridge into nothingness, kicking his feet wildly to defy gravity and circle behind Bowser. Before Gonzales Jr. could land, Bowser snatched the Baby Yoshi out of the air. As Gonzales Jr was engulfed in pink flames, he cried, his voice cracking..

At the sound of his friends’ screams of pain, Koops grabbed Koopie-Koo and Toadette by their shoulders. “Koopie-Koo! Get Toadette to Princess Peach! I’ll cover you!”

Before Koopie-Koo could do anything, Koops withdrew into his shell and shot towards Bowser, slamming against his/her chest, and knocking an unconscious Gonzales Junior free from Bowser’s grip. As Bowser’s flame dissipated, Vivian emerged from the billowing smoke, gasping for air, her hat singed. Gagging, Bowser spun and slammed Koops against the stone steps, just below Princess Peach. As Bowser spun around, charging another blast of red and pink flame in his throat, he saw a pink spherical object fill his vision. Bombette crashed against Bowser’s perfect nose, sending his next blast of flame ripping through the stone wall to the side.

As Goombario and Goombella carried an unconscious Koops up the steps, they were forced to duck to evade the deadly blast.

Seizing their opportunity, Koopie-Koo shot past Bowser to reach Princess Peach, Toadette riding on Koopie-Koo’s back like a surfer. They were followed by Princess Daisy, who carried Luigi across her shoulders. 

“Emergency oven mitts!” shouted Mrs. Sushie as she hopped along, carrying a white hot baby Watt to safety.

As Bowser threw Bombette like a shot put into the brick wall above the stone steps, he spotted Koopie-Koo and Toadette zipping past him and stumbled forward. “Huh? No fair! I already–”

“Daisy Kick!” roared Daisy, as she landed a running jump side kick against the back of Bowser’s skull from behind. Then she carried Luigi up the stone steps to lay him down next to the unconscious bodies of Koops and Peach.

Toadette slammed her first-aid kit against the ground next to Peach. “Her heart has stopped! Daisy, administer CPR. I’ll have to cook up a Life Shroom.” 

Toadette pulled out her signed copy of The Art of Baking Delicious Home-Baked Goodies For War by Tayce T. Toad, and flipped open to the emergency recipe page.

Clutching his throbbing skull, Bowser wailed. “Hey! I’m the hero of this story! I’m supposed to save Princess–” A red spiny ball slapped against Bowser’s buttocks from behind. Bowser howled and clutched his/her buttocks. He turned to find Lakilester the Lakitu bearing down on him, holding aloft another red Spiny Egg in one hand, and a furious looking Admiral Bobbery in his other. As Lakilester wound up his arm to throw Admiral Bobbery, Bowser yanked the red spiny from his/her backside and chucked it straight at Lakilester’s face.

Lakilester just managed to pitch Admiral Bobbery before the spiny projectile smashed against his own nose, breaking his emergency-emergency-emergency sunglasses clean in two. Admiral Bobbery’s fuse lit, and with an explosion he slammed into Bowser’s stomach, knocking him to the floor. With a huff, Bowser tried to summon another blast of fire, and to his horror, felt the magic of the fire dying in his lungs. Then, a vision of a fire flower appeared before him, and it was as though the ghostly fire flower leapt down his throat. 

With a groan, Bowser aimed a fiery breath downward at the old Bob-omb attacking him. Vivan appeared in Bowser’s shadow, desperately trying to redirect the deadly flames away from the bridge, but not in time to save Admiral Bobbery.

 

As Admiral Bobbery felt his fuse lit, he knew another explosion was imminent and fixed his eyes on Bowser. With a second explosion, Admiral Bobbery burst forward, purposefully slamming into Bowser’s face before he flew wildly into the air, crashing against the stone wall above the steps and collapsing down next to the other injured heroes. 

By now, Toadette had somehow donned a Florence Nightingale nurse costume as she administered first aid to multiple patients.

As Bowser spun on Mario’s unconscious body, two pink fireballs appeared in his/her hands, and a third pink flame charged in his/her mouth.

With a cry, Vivian disappeared from Bowser’s shadow and reappeared in Mario’s shadow, holding up her hands. With a wave of Vivian’s finger, the first pink fireball dissipated into a thousand tiny sparks like fireflies, while the second slammed against Vivan’s chest. Trembling, Vivian waved her hand to redirect the bullet, which ripped through one of the chain links supporting the metal bridge on her side.

Then Kooper and Parakarry flew into Bowser’s stomach with such force, they lifted him/her up into the air. As Parakarry flew around the room in a wide circle, Kooper released his grip on Parakarry and used a diving kick to send Bowser back down to the metal bridge below, farther away from Mario and his injured friends. 

Bowser slapped Kooper away, but before Kooper could fall into the lava, Gonzales Junior appeared at the bridge and stuck out his long, sticky tongue to catch Koooper. Then Gonzales Junior spat Kooper out like a projectile, aimed at Bowser’s center of gravity. As Bowser attempted to catch the Koopa, the force caught him off guard and he took the blow full in the stomach. As the magic of the fire flower dissipated, Bowser’s torn dress flashed from glowing red to black.

“Keep the pressure on him!” yelled Goombario as he rushed to join the fray.

Goombella was hot on his heels. “He totally just lost the fire flower! Take him down!”

Then a lot of things happened, all at once. Kooper snatched Bowser’s arm and pinned it against his chest. Goombario and Goombella leapt into the air to delivered two of their patented multibonk attacks to Bowser’s face. Parakarry dove from above to land a sky diving axe kick. Gonzales Jr. leapt off the bridge, and wall kicked to flank Bowser’s left side, aiming an elbow strike for Bowser’s face. Lakilester hovered above, pulling out another red spiny to aim at Bowser. Madame Flurrie fluttered into the air from under the bridge, preparing to do a belly flop to flatten Bowser. Bombette rolled to her feet and lit her fuse, looking for a clear shot in the chaos. Mrs. Sushie puffed up like a puffer fish, preparing to spit a jet stream of water like a bullet at Bowser.

And then, Bowser began to move. First, the fire that was dying in his throat sparked back to life, and his dress transformed from black to red, as the magic of the fire flower was somehow restored. A pink bullet erupted from Bowser’s mouth, ripping Lakilester’s projectile out of his hand. Bowser swung his pinned arm, using Kooper’s body like a club to smash Parakarry out of the sky and toward the lava. Seeing that Parakarry was knocked out, Kooper released his grip on Bowser, and dove to catch Parakarry, snatching one of the chains of the bridge for support.

Gonzales Jr. managed to land his elbow strike against Bowser’s throat, but as Bowser felt the blow, he snatched the baby Yoshi and threw him aside. Lakilester spotted the danger and flew to catch Gonzales Junior. Goombario and Goombella spun on their heels and landed another two headbutts, both Goombas acting in perfect synch. Just as Bowser felt the two blows bounce off the back of his head, Bombette blasted into the air and slammed against the front of his face.

Fighting past the pain, Bowser reached with his other hand behind his shell, and produced one of the magic hammers he had tucked away earlier, and threw it wildly at Madame Flurrie. Madame Flurrie gasped as the hammer sunk deep into her belly, knocking the wind out of her, and sucked for air. Instantly, the hammer disappeared, and reappeared back in Bowser’s fist, just as Goombario attempted another head bonk. 

Bowser knocked Goombario downwards with the hammer, then tried to sidestep and aim his second hammer at the Lakitu and Baby Yoshi. 

Sensing what he was up to, Goombella leapt forward to intercept his arm, but too late. Bowser’s second hammer went flying towards Lakilester as he attempted to pull up from a dive to rescue Gonzales Junior. The force of the impact sent Lakilester into a death spiral. 

That would have been the end of Lakilester and Gonzales Junior had Madame Flurrie not spotted them, and flown down to intercept them. 

With a mighty gust of breath, Madame Flurrie sent Lakilester and Gonzales junior fluttering into the air like leaves, before the lava below exploded with a bubble of fire and slammed into her back. With a scream, Madame Flurrie rose into the air, and collapsed on the bridge next to Mario, her whole body steaming. Lakilester slammed the back of his head against the wall, and crumpled to the floor with Gonzales Junior still in his arms.

Bowser spun wildly, throwing both his magical hammers as they reappeared in his hands. One slammed Goombella with such force, she went flying toward the stone steps. Goombario leapt to catch her, absorbing the brunt of the impact as they both smacked against the stone steps, but both Goombas lay still.

Mrs. Sushie blasted Bowser in the chest with a shot of water, then flew at Bowser herself, chanting, “Cheep cheep!”

The blast of water sent Bowser stumbling back, but he recovered and knocked Mrs. Sushie out of the sky with a thrown hammer. She came crashing to a halt next to Mario and Madame Flurrie.

Goombella gasped as she tried to struggle to her feet, then realized that when Goombario had leapt to catch her, he had taken the brunt of the blow and been knocked unconscious. Goombella cradled Goombario as she examined the chaos of the battle unfolding.

By that time, Admiral Bobbery and Koops had gotten a second wind. Koops shot wildly at Bowser, aiming his shell to try and knock aside one of the hammers. It almost worked. Bowser slammed the hammer down on Koops skull with such force, the hammer flew from Bowser’s grip. That gave Admiral Bobbery just enough of an opening to crash into Bowser’s stomach. Bobbery and Bowser both went flying over the prone bodies of Mario and Madame Flurrie, crashing down on the bridge opposite from the escape.

With a snarl, Bowser grasped at Admiral Bobbery’s hat, the pink flames in his/her palm igniting the fuse again. As Admiral Bobbery exploded, Bowser was thrust backward, and the power of the fire flower dissipated.

As Bowser arose, reeling, something strange happened. A pink bullet of fire sparked in his throat, then flickered, like a lighter struggling to ignite against a strong wind. 

Goombella gasped as she stumbled to her feet, limping. “Attack now!” Then Goombella felt her leg give out, and knew something was broken.

There was a blur as small, baby Yoshi darted across the bridge like a rabbit, lightly leaping over the prone bodies of his fallen companions. As Bowser held his/her jaw open wide, Gonzales Junior tossed a white and green egg straight at Bowser’s mouth. Bowser gagged on the egg, smoke hissing from his/her lips, before Gonzales Junior leapt up to deliver a flying knee kick to the underside of Bowser’s jaw. The egg exploded like a firework in Bowser’s mouth, sending eggshell pieces zipping in every direction. Wheezing, Bowser blinked back tears to spot the Baby Yoshi, spinning in midair to deliver a hip drop attack. 

Then, Bowser saw the ghostly image of a fire flower, floating before his eyes.

With a snarl, Bowser aimed a wild back hand at the image of the fire flower, and connected with Gonzalez Junior. The baby Yoshi was sent flying backwards, and came bouncing and rolling to a halt next to Mario and Madame Flurrie. 

Bowser roared in a deep, guttural voice. “No! More! Sissy! Power ups! I don’t need ‘em!”

Then, with a twitch, Bowser’s hair shimmered, bright gold, his/her voice cracking. It was as if he/she was having an argument with himself/herself. “We need them! Now, strike!”

The shadows in the room rippled as a pink bullet of fire sparked to life in Bowser’s throat, followed by a giant burst of red fire. Bower aimed the flame directly at Mario’s heart, and with a snarl, fired the deadly bullet at his hated, unconscious enemy. 

Then Vivian appeared from Mario’s shadow, deflecting the pink bullet with a wave of her gloved hand, before the slower red flames engulfed her.

As Vivian’s hat and hair were scorched away, the shadow siren trembled and slumped forward, her body charred and smoking.

Goombella screamed, and fought to stand up, blocking out the stabbing pain of her broken leg. “Vivian!”

With a growl that sounded like half a roar of triumph and half a roar of fury, Bowser rocked back his/her head and a second pink flame appeared.

Then Goombella saw a glint of gold as something flew past her peripheral vision. Someone, wearing blue overalls and a green plumber’s hat, jumped through the air, wielding the giant, decorative, golden axe high above their head.

A new challenger was approaching!

But as Goombella glanced at her injured friends at her side, she realized that the strange warrior wearing Luigi’s hat and overalls could not be Luigi. After all, here was Luigi, lying unconscious next to Goombella…wearing nothing but his green polkadot briefs. 

As Bower unleashed the pink flame, Princess Daisy swung the axe blade like a baseball bat, deflecting the bullet with a ping. Spinning the long-handled axe over her head, Daisy pivoted on her heel and thrust forward to slam the butt of the shaft into Bowser’s chest, knocking him/her back.

Bowser wheezed as he/she clutched his/her chest.

Daisy held her axe forward in an offensive stance. “You cannot pass.”

Crying, Bowser chucked both magic hammers toward Princess Daisy’s face, then charged another fiery breath. Daisy blocked the first hammer, but the second one connected with her shoulder. She barely managed to catch herself, then leapt forward to block the bolt of fire, deflecting it with a spiral of her weapon. “I am Princess Daisy of Sarasaland. Your dorky fire will not avail you, Kooky Koopa! YOU…SHALL NOT…PASS!!” 

Daisy slammed the butt of the shaft down with such force, it sent a tremor through the metal bridge.

Bowser roared, and the pink and red flames engulfed his/her body, before gathering into two fireballs in his palms, each twice the size of a regular fire ball.

Daisy swallowed a lump in her throat.

Then she noticed a chain on the bridge rattling right behind her, and Parakarry clawed his way up onto the bridge, before pulling up Kooper after him. Both were looking the worse for wear. Daisy barked over her shoulder. “We don’t have to beat Bowser! Just get everyone safely to the other side of the bridge, and we’re outta–”

Bower unleashed the two fire balls one after the other, spinning to follow up with a flame powered, mid air kick. Daisy managed to block the first fire ball with ease, but was forced to make a clumsy swing to deflect the second. She barely managed to secure her grip on the axe and block before Bowser came flying down to deliver a downward axe kick that snapped the handle of the axe in two.

Kooper snatched up the unconscious body of Gonzales Junior, while Parakarry grabbed Mrs. Sushie. After carrying their friends to the other side of the bridge, the two Koopas spun to find Princess Daisy and Bowser fighting for control of the axe blade. With a howl, Bowser released his grip on the axe with one hand, and a magic hammer materialized in his grip. With a wild swing, Bowser knocked Princess Daisy back, forcing her to release her grip on the axe.

Bowser tossed the axe like a frisbee, and Daisy ducked backwards to dodge the deadly blade. The blade caught the tip of Luigi’s cap as it flew above Daisy’s face, before the axe flew across the room and sank deep into the stone wall next to the exit.

Toadette whipped off her nurse costume to reveal a white, scientist’s lab coat. “Princess Peach is stable! Cooking up a Fire Flower!”

Daisy kick-flipped to land back on her feet and aim a punch at Bowser’s face. Bowser arm-blocked, then counter punched, which Daisy deflected with a “wax-on, wax-off” karate block. Daisy used the opportunity to shove Bowser back and away, looking around to spot her fallen companions. “Who’s left?”

At the opposite end of the bridge, Koops stood, and held aloft Admiral Bobbery and Lady Bow. “I’ve got these two!”

Still steaming, Madame Flurrie lifted herself, clutching Mario and Vivian’s unconscious bodies against her expansive bosom. “I’ve got these two!”

“Well, I’ve got these two hammers!” roared Bowser, before tossing them both. Koops spun to shield his two friends from the first hammer, before it impacted his sturdy shell with a dense, ugly, “Thunk!”

Daisy dove to catch the second hammer, bare-handed, then spun to toss it back at Bowser. “Go! I’ll cover you!”

As Bowser raised his/her arms, the two hammers evaporated out of thin air and reappeared in his/her hands with a soft, “Poof!” 

Koops halted as he saw Bowser aiming a hammer at both him and Daisy, then charged forward anyway, ducking his head into his turtle shell to avoid one of the hammers before it could slam into his face. Daisy pinned Bowser’s second arm, before he/she lifted her bodily with one arm and tossed her to the floor. Daisy landed roughly on her back, then rolled backwards to regain her footing. 

When she looked up, Daisy saw pink flames crackling  from Bowser’s lips as he/she smiled, softly. “I’d prefer not to torch a Princess of House Toadstool. Stand aside, and I’ll spare you.”

Daisy took a shaky breath. She had no cover, but she was also the only thing standing between Bowser and the exit. “Bite me.”

Bowser’s smile widened to reveal his/her shark-like teeth, then his/her body trembled as a pink bullet of flame danced in his/her throat, the tip of the bullet aimed at Daisy’s heart. 

By then, Kooper and Parakarry had safely laid down their injured companions, and started to charge back into the fight to aid Daisy, but there was no hope of closing the distance in time.

Daisy made a final desperate lunge as she saw the pink flame build to a deadly heat, but before Bowser could shoot it, he slammed his left fist into the right side of his own face. His golden hair started to billow, then turned blood red, as his skin turned to a swarthy, golden brown hue. As the power of the fire flower started to die, his dress flickered black for an instant, before it shone blood red, like a sputtering forge.

…

Inside the corridors of Bowser’s mind palace, Bowsette was knocked backwards onto her shapely behind. Bower’s inner world took the shape of his war room in the Great Demon King’s Fortress, a war game table sitting before his iron throne.

Scrambling to her feet, Bowsette looked through Bowser’s eyes at the decimated remains of Mario’s adventure party. With a cat-like squeal, Bowsette kicked over the war table and slammed her fists against the empty throne. “Fine! You want to be a big, strong man? Then you can fight like a man…and fight alone!”

With a wave of her hand, Bowsette produced a box of popcorn out of thin air, with a poof of pink flame. “I can’t wait to see how you manage to foul this one up.” She popped a single piece of popcorn into her mouth, and chewed slowly, savoring it.

…

Daisy crashed into Bowser like a football linebacker. As Daisy grappled to pull Bowser into a head lock, Kooper and Parakarry appeared, pinning down Bowser’s arms on either side. Bowser spat, as the last spark of the pink flame died in his throat. “No more sissy, pink, girl-scout fire!”

Bower slammed his left fist into Daisy’s face with such force, Kooper went flying and narrowly caught a chain link support of the bridge. Daisy twisted to keep her hold on Bowser’s face, trembling. 

Bowser grunted as he slammed his right fist into Daisy’s belly.

As Parakarry clung to Bowser’s right arm, he seized the opportunity to loosen his grip and spin in midair, using Daisy as an anchor to pivot and land an elbow strike to Bowser’s skull.

Bowser recoiled as he felt the blow. As Bowser swung blindly, Kooper swung himself up onto the bridge to aim a roundhouse kick to Bowser’s leg. As Bowser stumbled onto one knee, Daisy twisted to secure her grip on his throat. Bowser choked. “I can win...”

Then Bowser caught Kooper’s leg, and physically swung Kooper like a club, slamming Parakarry out of the sky. The two Koopas went flying backwards on their shells, until they crashed into the lowest stone step at the end of the bridge. 

Bowser spun wildly to escape Daisy’s grasp, almost plunging off the bridge and into the lava. As she felt Bowser lunging forward off the bridge, Daisy instinctively released her grip and stumbled back. Bowser caught the chain link support with one hand, as a magic hammer appeared in his free hand. “...with my own strength!”

Bowser pulled, straining his whole abdominal core to pull himself back onto the bridge and add his full weight into his next strike, aiming for Daisy’s center of gravity. Instinctively, Daisy blocked her chest as the magic hammer slammed into her, and sent her flying across the bridge, before the second hammer smashed her against the brick wall above the exit. Daisy fell limp to the floor below.

Bellowing, Bowser threw his first hammer at Daisy’s prone body as the second magically reappeared in his other hand. “I don’t need no stinkin’–”

“Fire Flower!” screamed Toadette, as she held aloft the power up she’d cooked up in her portable kitchen. The moment Toadette held the fire flower aloft, someone snatched it out of her hand.

Daisy blinked, her head spinning, and saw a hammer flying toward her face, before Luigi dove forward to snatch the hammer out of the air. Green flames billowed from Luigi’s fist as he gripped the hammer tight. As the power of the fire flower coursed through him, Luigi’s green and white-polka-dot covered briefs shone with holy light, and transformed into radiant white and green-polka-dot covered briefs. 

Daisy smiled sweetly at the sight, before she swooned into unconsciousness, with a goofy grin on her face.

Luigi’s very mustache seemed to bristle with righteous anger. “Bowser! Stand down!”

Bowser leered, and as he held aloft his hand, Luigi felt the magic hammer pulling him forward with irresistible force, slamming his face against the bridge as he was dragged along. Bowser twisted his free hand, and the hammer disappeared from Luigi’s grip with a poof before reappearing in Bowser’s clutches. As Bowser tossed the second hammer at Luigi’s face, Luigi was forced to duck and let it glance off his arms, barely avoiding a lethal strike. “Poor little Luigi. You can’t even touch me, as long as I have these…hammers?”

As Bowser held up his hand, he found one of the hammers missing. Then Ms. Mowz crawled up his arm and clung to his open palm, just as the second hammer magically reappeared. Ms. Mowz snatched it out of the air and dove down, carrying both hammers in front of her like they were sticks of dynamite.

Howling like a blood hound, Bowser dove forward and snatched Ms. Mowz’s heart-shaped tail. “Hey! Gimme those, you little thief!”

Ms. Mowz squeaked as she felt her tail snap taught, then tossed both hammers at Luigi. “Luigi, darling! Catch!”

Unfortunately, she threw too quickly before warning Luigi. The moment Luigi stood to catch the hammers, the first one slammed into his nose. As Luigi flinched and cradled his nose, he actually managed to catch the second hammer cleanly, before they both disappeared with a little poof, and reappeared back in Ms. Mowz’s paws. 

Ms. Mowz’s eyes went wide behind her domino mask as she saw the terrible hammers back in her clutches. “Squeeek! I don’t want ‘em! I don’t want ‘em!”

As she threw them away desperately, only for them to pop into existence back in her hands, Ms. Mowz looked nervously over her shoulder. Bowser smirked, smoke billowing from his lips as he charged a blast of his good, old, reliable, red fire breath at Mr. Mowz’s defenseless tail. Then Luigi tackled Bowser to the ground, and Ms. Mowz scampered away.

Then, Bowser felt his red flames spark to life in his palms, and as he kicked to get away from Luigi, Bowser felt a delightful feeling of weightlessness. As Bowser’s eyes shot open, he began to pilot by instinct, pivoting in midair to send a startled Luigi crashing to the bridge below. Bowser shook as he discovered he could fly, the red flames producing a delightful, steady heat against the palms of his hands and the soles of his feet. As Bowser looked down, he saw only Luigi. “No one left to fight your battles for you, little man.”

Then a little man tackled Bowser from behind. Mario had no Fire flower. Mario had no Red Mushroom. But little Mario was awake and back in the fight.

As Bowser struggled to regain balance, he spun wildly and crashed into the bridge. When Bowser lifted himself onto his hands and knees, he saw Luigi deftly catch Mario. Ms. Mowz scampered to their side, waving both hammers above her head. “Hot potato! Hot potato!”

As Mario and Lugi took the hammers, the weapons changed form. A magic hammer always takes the shape that most suits its wielder. Bowser favored the same clawed, black metal hammers used by Hammer Head Brothers. But in Mario and Luigi’s hands, the hammers became solid, double-faced sledge hammers.

For an instant, Bowser’s eyes went wide as he took in the sight of his two foes. Then he blasted forward like a rocket, charging a burst of red fire in his throat.

Luigi charged to the front line, his flame-proof briefs providing barely enough protection as he swung his hammer like a baseball bat to slam away the fireball. The fireball smashed through the remnants of the ceiling, which started to crack and shatter in a spider-web pattern on all sides.

At the exact same moment, Mario leapt into the air over Luigi, aiming a downward strike at Bowser’s head. Bowser spotted it and veered off course just in time. Bowser’s acceleration sent him flying past both Mario brothers before he veered up and into the sky, spiraling in mid air to spot his target.

Bowser expected to have a moment to get his bearings, but Mario and Luigi fought as though they shared a single mind, without hesitation. Mario lightly hopped onto the face of Luigi’s hammer, before Luigi spun it in a spiral to throw Mario into the air after Bowser. Bowser swung up his hands to roast Mario, but Mario pinned his hammer between his feet to use the metal head as an improvised shield, absorbing Bowser’s attack, before they collided in mid air.

The force of Bowser’s flames sent him shooting down toward the bridge. But as Bowser felt the power of the last Fire Flower begin to die, he somehow sensed that there would not be another.

Desperately, Bowser kicked up his feet, and with one final blast, he tore free from Mario and came rolling to a halt on the metal bridge, barely avoiding a head on collision. As Bowser caught himself and charged straight at Mario, snarling, he failed to take account of Luigi. 

Using two green fireballs, one in each of his hands, Luigi shot forward like a rocket, clotheslining Bowser with the handle of his hammer. Bowser kicked and rolled wildly to escape from being pinned down, only for Mario to slam his hammer down with full force on top of Bowser’s crown. As Bowser saw stars filling his eyes, Mario somersaulted over Bowser’s shoulder and used his hammer to pin Bowser against the throat from behind.

The cracks in the walls shuddered through the room, and with a rumble, the entire ceiling was ripped up into the sky by a mighty gust of wind.

As Bowser tried to throw the little man off his head, Luigi tackled Bowser from the front to pull him into a bear hug. Ignoring Bowser’s claws as they slashed across his face, Luigi called over his shoulder. “Toadette! Cut the bridge!”

Toadette glanced around, spotting the golden axe blade in the wall to her side. “But the lava! You’ll die!”

Luigi grit his teeth as Bowser clawed at his shoulder, desperate to break free. “Don’t worry! I have a plan!”

As Luigi held up his hand behind Bowser, a green fire ball began to glow bright, growing steadily larger and larger.

As Mario felt the heat of the green light, he twisted to shout at Toadette. “Do it now!”

Toadette snatched the broken handle of the axe, and with a single kick, pulled it free from the wall.

As Toadette held the golden axe high above her head, Bowser saw his reflection in the blade, and roared.

With a single stroke, Toadette cut through the chain holding up the suspension bridge, and it collapsed, tumbling to the lava below. 

Luigi unleashed the force of his green fireball, and with a tremendous “Boom!” all three thrust forward in mid air, toward the exit. The force of Luigi’s explosive fireball carried him the farthest, like a green missile. He sailed over Toadette’s head, wailing, and would have crashed headfirst into the brick wall on the opposite side of the exit if Daisy hadn’t dived into the air to catch him in her arms. “Lui–”

As Luigi’s lips smashed into Daisy’s lips, they both went sailing down the final chamber, over the steps, past the glowing letters that spelled the words “Goal!” and came crashing and rolling to a halt on the floor. 

The entire room began to shine and pixelate around them. Bowser and Mario both fell short and began to tumble toward the lava below. Bowser swung his arms in front of him as if trying to swim in mid air, before gravity took its toll. Bowser hurtled to the lava below.

The Mario Maker’s voice stuttered to life. “Finished! Daisy Wins the Race!” 

Mario reached for the ledge, and caught a single chain that had snapped free from the rest of the bridge, slamming roughly against the wall. Toadette rushed to grab the chain, and strained to pull up Mario. Mario felt an explosion of hot, hissing air from the lava below pressing against his back, singing the hairs on the back of his neck.

Toadette grimaced, ignoring the sizzling metal of the chain as she maintained her grip. She couldn’t offer a free hand without losing her hold.

As Mario reached for the ledge with one hand, he felt the chain slip from grip. Mario gasped, before something caught him. As he looked up, he saw his own reflection, shining in Peach’s eyes. Peach yanked Mario up and onto the ledge, and they stumbled backwards, held tight in each other’s arms. As Peach cradled Mario’s face, her chest heaved as she struggled to catch her breath. “Your life…is not worth less than mine.”

There was a blood curdling howl, and they all saw Bowser flying into the air, clutching his wide, curvy backside, which was currently on fire. “Yeeow! Hot, hot, hot!”

As Bowser fell back down toward the lava, his eyes wide as he realized what was inevitably about to happen. “No, no, no! This can’t be how it ends! This can’t be the–”

Bowser’s rear end landed in the lava, and he shot up into the sky, kicking his legs and wailing. Fortunately for Bowser, though not so fortunate for his buttocks, the power of cartoon logic allowed the people of the Mushroom World to defy both death and gravity, so long as their pants were on fire to provide sufficient motivation. 

Bowser came bouncing to a halt on the safety of the ledge, screeching to a halt on his rear end. The resulting friction did nothing to lessen the flames engulfing his behind. Bowser leapt to his feet and ran in circles, howling, leaving a black trail of smoke behind him. “Yah, ha, ha, ha, haaaaw!”

Mario, Peach, and Toadette all tackled Bowser, rolling down the stairs with him until they reached the final room below the goal post.

Peach winced as she looked up. “Who’s missing?”

Goombella ticked a clip board as she examined a line of her unconscious comrades, all laid out on beds. “Everyone is here! We’re all–”

The entire world went dark around them. Goombella gulped. “–safe?”

In the darkness, a ghostly image of a Blooper floated eerily before them. “Bloop?”

In the distance, a small white square appeared, the size of a single pixel, and gradually began to expand as it grew closer and closer, like a massive perfectly square ball of light about to crash into all of them.

Then the Blooper waved its tentacle in a salute, and floated away. “Bloop. Bloop. Bloop.”

Then the white square of light slammed into them like an oncoming train.

…

Goombaria pressed the emergency reset button furiously as she glanced back and forth from the control panel to the dead, black screen. “Please…let them all be okay…”

The back panel of the Mario Maker 2 collapsed, and everyone shot out of it, smashing into the stone crenellations that decorated the top of Castle Toadstool.

“It worked!” squeaked Goombaria, as she pulled a semi-conscious Goombario out of the pile and pulled him into a hug. “You’re okay! You were so freakin’ stupid and brave!”

Goombaria spotted Goombella in the pile and pulled her into a group hug. “And you! You promised to bring him home safe, and you really did! Now we can all go home together!” 

Goombario and Goombella looked at each other, both with stupid smiles on their faces. “Toghether? What do you mean together?” said both Goombario and Goombella at once.

“Jinx!” said Goombaria.

As Goombaria pulled them all into a tighter hug, Goombario and Goombella glanced at each other, both stammering the same words at once. “But…we’re just…”

Goombaria snarled as she hugged them so tight, their cheeks puffed up. “Hey! No fair! I already jinxed you both! Now shut up and let me hug you!”

With a sigh, Goombario and Goombella glanced at one another, and returned the group hug.

Koops and Admiral Bobbery sat up, leaning against one another. Koops stammered. “Is…is this heaven?” Then Koopie Koo and Bombette dove at them and knocked them both to the ground, delivering kisses.

Lakilester dangled limply from his loyal cloud steed as he emerged from the pile, reeling. Shaking his skull, he gawked at the sight of the romantic couple's smooching on all sides. “Ha! Look at you guys playing kissy-face in public. What, were you afraid we weren’t gonna make it? Well, I never had any doubts!”

A sweet, female voice called out from afar. “Lakileeesteeeer!” A spectacled Lakitu girl dove down from the clouds, hugging tight to Lakilester. “I saw the news coverage and rushed straight to Toad Town!”

Lakilester froze, stammering. “L-Lakilulu? You came to find me…I…”

His eyes teared up. “...I was afraid I’d never see you again!”

“Oh, my poor Lakilester! You were so brave!” Lakilulu smooched Lakilester right on the lips. 

All the others paused to coo at the sight. Lakilester blushed furiously. “Uh, Lakilulu, sweetie, could we save the kissies for–”

“Kissies now!” roared Lakilulu as she love tackled Lakilester, silencing his protests with furious smooching.

Lakilester didn’t protest for very long.

Vivian crawled out of the shadows, fixing the scorched remains of her witch hat. As she saw all her friends had made it out alive, and spotted Goombella in the group hug, Vivian smiled, and glided to the side to watch silently, from the shadow of the castle.

Mario and Peach arose, hugging each other tightly, before they both noticed what they were doing, and quickly stood, holding their hands stiffly at their sides. 

“Peach?” said Mario.

“Mario?” said Peach.

Mario and Peach both stammered, saying the exact same words at the exact same time. “I’m sorry! Oh, don’t be sorry. I’m so glad you’re okay! Are you okay?”

The screen of the Mario Maker 2 flickered to life, and played the victory music. “Congratulations! This game’s winner is…Princess Daisy!”

Then it played a cut scene of Mario and Princess Peach, both represented by 8-bit video game sprites. The text over Peach’s head read. “Thank you, Mario! Your quest is over.”

Blushing, Peach ran to the Mario Maker and started pressing the power button, clearing her throat. “Ah, goodness, I thought I deleted that silly cutscene.” 

Toadette blinked as she saw Mario slowly approach Peach on the screen. “Oh? This is the old security footage we recovered when Mario first rescued you, right Princess? I don’t think I’ve ever seen it before. I’ve never managed to finish the whole game all by–”

Peach pressed the power button furiously, then slammed her fist against it, shutting off the Mario Maker with a blip. Peach held up her hands, making finger guns, before thrusting her hands behind her back. “No need to watch these cheesy old home movies again! Am I right?”

Toadette cocked her head, like a confused puppy. “Huh? But it’s new to me. I’m dying to know what happened the first time Mario rescued you!”

Peach leaned against the control board, blocking Toadette from reaching the power button. “Oh, it’s nothing special! Pretty anti-climactic ending I’d say! You see…uh…”

Mario cleared his throat, as he appeared at Peach’s side. “You see…Bowser’s twin brother, Morton C. Koopa, showed up out of nowhere and, uh…kidnapped Princess Peach, again. Ain’t that right, Princess?”

Peach nodded furiously, looking relieved. “Precisely! That’s exactly what happened! A pretty boring ending to our first adventure, all things considered!”

Toadette put her hands on her hips. “Princess…what are you so bashful about? It can’t be all that bad! Let me guess: did you give Mario a chaste kiss? That’s nothing to be ashamed of!”

They all turned as they heard a familiar, booming voice, as Daisy pulled herself from the bottom of the dog pile, cradling Luigi in her arms. “Oh…man! Where am I? What was I–”

Daisy dropped Luigi’s limp body as she grabbed her head. “Omigosh! The race! We were all gonna die, but then…”

Daisy looked around at the entire group of friends, doing a quick mental count. “You’re all alive! We made it! Oh, you were all so brave and wonderful, I could just kiss you! No, scratch that, I will kiss you! All y’all deserve a great, big, sloppy kiss, right now!”

With that, Daisy quickly began smooching everyone in the group, even Princess Peach. As Luigi sat up, Daisy spotted him and dove on top of him, hooking her arm around his head and kissing him full on the lips…for a lot longer than she kissed everyone else.

Luigi’s chest heaved as he caught his breath, then glanced down at his bare chest. “Daisy? Why…where are my clothes?”

Daisy straightened, and thumbed one of Luigi’s overall straps with a grin. “Right here, chief.”

“But…why are you wearing them?”

Daisy sighed. “Luigi…A princess can’t challenge her mortal enemy to hand-to-hand combat, in a battle to the death, while wearing only her underpants. It simply wouldn’t be lady-like!”

Daisy looked around. “And speaking of that devil, where is he?”

Bowser groaned as he rolled out of the giant, 21-man dog pile.

Daisy jumped to her feet. “Bowser! You spoil-sport! You better come quietly!”

Bower rose to his feet, holding up his fists, before he tottered and stumbled onto one knee. “I…don’t…quit…”

Then the door to the tower burst open, and Captain Toad appeared, leading a company of Royal Toad Guards, armed with spears.

Captain Toad looked down with firm eyes. “Bowser, in the name of King Toadstool, I place you under arrest.”

Bowser swallowed as he felt the point of a spear pressed against his slender, graceful, feminine throat. “Well…discretion is the better part of valor!”

Captain Toad nodded, and withdrew his spear, without taking his eyes off of Bowser.

Then Daisy pinched Bowser by the ear, and gave it a little twist. “Finally! Now that you’re ready to admit defeat, we can address your astonishing, bad manners. C’mon, Bowser, a deal’s a deal!”

Bowser howled as Daisy yanked him up onto his feet. “Yow! Gid’off! What’re you…on about?”

Bowser trailed off as he spotted the Mario Maker. With a flicker of static, it blinked the words “This Game’s Winner is Princess Daisy!” before it tottered and flopped forward, with a final puff of smoke. 

Bowser grimaced. “You…you can’t mean–yow!”

Daisy tugged Bowser along behind her, then sat down on the steaming remains of the Mario Maker, and patted her lap. “Oh yes I can mean, and yes I do mean! We both agreed that the winner of this race gets to spank the loser, and you are most definitely the loser of the day! Bowser, come lie across my knee. Bottoms up!”

The entire gathered crowd gasped. Peach covered her mouth. “Oh, Daisy, you mustn’t hold Bowser to that absurd dare. I’m sure he was only teasing, right Bowser?”

Bowser scowled. “Teasing? Of course I wanted to tease Daisy. I want to tease her the whole time I’m spanking her bratty, bare bottom, til she cries!”

Bowser pressed his lips shut as he heard what he had just admitted. 

Daisy nodded. “I couldn’t agree more! There’s only one minor matter I want to settle, first. Mario? Luigi? Would either of you like the first crack at spanking Bowser? I’d say you two have earned the right to be first in line.”

Mario and Luigi glanced at each other, and exchanged a single, curt, nod. Mario stood straight, crossing his arms. “No, Daisy. It wouldn’t be right. A gentleman must never strike a lady!”

Still wearing only his briefs, Luigi matched Mario’s pose. “That’s right. Our Mama wouldn’t like it! And we don’t do nothin’ if it won’t make our Mama proud!”

As Mario and Luigi’s mustaches billowed majestically in the wind, a red kite soared overhead, letting out a regal cry. On the distant fortress walls, Princess Daisy and Peach saw a series of green flags slowly rising, billowing majestically behind Mario and Luigi.

Daisy grinned. “Wow, I can respect that! Fortunately, I’m no gentleman, and Bowser…you’re no lady!”

Without further ceremony, Daisy roughly yanked on Bowser’s arm to pull him across her knees.

Despite Bowser’s strength, he discovered it’s surprisingly easy to get pulled into a spanking position. He just tripped, and found himself across Daisy’s lap. 

“Gah! …Do we really have to do this right here? Right now? In front of–” 

Daisy held up her index finger. “My Dad always says, ‘There’s no shame in accepting correction!’ …Dang, my Dad is so cool.”

Bowser pouted and crossed his arms, but showed no further signs of resistance. “Whatever. I’m a man of my word. Just get on with it.”

Peach bit her lip as she examined Bowser’s upturned hindquarters. Thanks to the lava, the torched remains of Bowser’s black skirt now revealed his heart-covered men’s boxers, which were snug against Bowser’s wide, womanly backside. It was now apparent that this was the only part of Bowser’s anatomy that had gained in girth, after his magical transformation into an otherwise delicate, dainty woman. Peach frowned. “Well, Bowser certainly deserves to be taught a lesson. It’s how any Princess would be disciplined at Princess Academy.”

Daisy clapped her white gloved hand across the lower center of Bowser’s buttocks. Bowser yipped like a puppy, then pressed his lips together. Daisy hummed. “Hmm…Bowser, we never agreed on the details of the spanking, did we?”

Bowser grit his teeth. “Do your worst. I’d have done the same for you. I was planning to spank you, without mercy, until I broke your spirit!”

Daisy beamed. “Aw, I’m flattered! In that case…”

Daisy delivered two more ferocious spanks, one to the center of each of Bowser’s butt cheeks. “How about I give you ten spanks?”

Bowser snorted three times in a row. The first was a snort of surprise, the second was a snort of discomfort, and the third was a snort of derision. “Ten? Don’t insult me. I’d rather–”

Daisy delivered seven spanks in quick succession, without sacrificing an ounce of her strength for a single stroke. Bowser choked and grunted. It suddenly occurred to him that, having watched Daisy deliver a mean fast ball pitch at the Mushroom Kingdom vs. Koopa Kingdom Baseball World Series over the years, he should have known that Daisy knew how to put her weight behind a swing of her arm.

With a flick of her wrist, Daisy patted Bowser’s bottom a few times, playfully. “Ten spanks…for every single time you’ve kidnapped Princess Peach…”

Bowser’s nostrils flared. “But…I don’t remember how many–”

Daisy interrupted him by begging to spank at a brisk, steady pace. “Plus an extra spanking for being a bad sport during Princess Morning Exercises today! No need for a precise number. I’ll stop as I’m sure you’re really, truly sorry for your behavior!”

Bowser hissed and grunted as he and Daisy fell into a steady rhythm. He realized that it was like a dance. As long as he kept a cool head, he wouldn’t break. “I’m…not…sorry! Eeek! Yipe!”

After Daisy landed a pair of particularly sound claps, she paused for a few beats. “Oh? …Shoot, this may take a while. Peach, do you recall how many times Bowser has kidnapped you?”

Then Daisy fell back into a steady spanking rhythm, this time leaving at least a full second between each spank, giving Bowser just enough time to make out the conversation.

Peach giggled. “Oh, my! Where to even begin? Does it count if he made a kidnapping attempt, but was thwarted right away?”

Mario had a perfect poker face as he strolled up next to Peach. “Well, the first time we met should definitely count. He turned the whole Mushroom Kingdom to stone with black magic, and kidnapped Peach to prevent her from restoring her people to life.”

Luigi stroked his chin. “Then there was the Quest to Find the Lost Levels.”

Peach looked mildly nostalgic. “Should that count? After all, it was his twin brother who kidnapped me that time, not Bowser himself.”

Mario raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, but under Bowser’s direct orders.”

Daisy landed a resounding slap, then paused. “Yeah, that one should definitely count. You guys keep counting, and I’ll multiply the total number by ten. I’ll just ‘keep the seat warm’ in the meantime.”

As Daisy began to spank Bowser anew, Peach giggled. “I agree, orchestrating a kidnapping is just as serious an offense as carrying it out personally! …Oh, there was the time I visited your world, Mario. I still remember our trip to the lovely nation of Japan…Before Bowser kidnapped all those poor men and women from the All Night Nippon Radio Station.”

Daisy nodded, without pausing the spanking. “Did Bowser kidnap you, or just the radio personalities?”

“Oh, he definitely kidnapped me that time. I remember the charming conversation I had with the other victims before he transformed them into his mind-controlled zombie minions.”

By now, Bowser had started humming to hide his other sounds of discomfort.  

Captain Toad joined the group, resting on his spear like a walking stick. “Then I returned to the Mushroom Kingdom from my Fungal Research, and we had to rescue the world of Subcon.”

Mario crossed his arms. “Hold on, I thought that was all just a dream.”

Luigi shook his head. “No, no, we all thought it was just a dream, but then Subcon turned out to be real, and we had to save it again.”

Peach pulled out a calculator and started typing. “So that’s two separate, unprovoked wars of aggression.”

Bowser squealed like a girl. “Yeeeeaaaiiiii! Wait! Wait!” 

Daisy scowled, and increased the tempo of her spanking slightly. “Hey! Don’t just butt into a conversation. Say, ‘Excuse me,’ first! Man, I must have gotten spanked for that twice a week back at Princess Academy.”

Bowser hissed as he made a valiant effort to make his voice sound deep and steady. “…Tss…Well, excuse me, Princess, but that wasn’t me, that was King Wart! I wasn’t involved!”

Peach cooed. “That’s right! And King Wart never kidnapped me. Thank you for reminding me Bowser. We don’t want to be unfair, after all!”

Bowser caterwauled as Daisy increased the speed of her swats again. Then Daisy pursed her lips. “Hang on…Didn’t Bowser say he was gonna’ spank me on my bare butt? Cuz in that case…”

Bowser’s eyes popped wide open as Daisy pinched the elastic waistband of Bowser’s boxers, and tugged them down with one, clean yank. 

The door burst open, and Peach’s most loyal counselor, old Toadsworth, stumbled onto the tower, his mustache puffing as he leaned on his walking stick. “Princcess Peach! Princess Daisy! You’re alive! Are you hurt? Where is…”

Toadsworth’s glasses flew off his face as he spotted Bowser lying prone over Princess Daisy’s knee. “Is that…Bowser? Oh, sweet mushroom clouds…”

Another elderly toad, Professor Toadsky, darted out the door. His toothbrush mustache bristled as he swung a thin, teacher’s pointing rod with dangerous precision. “...and it’s all the fault of Crown Princess Toadstool! Ooh, just wait until the Council of Elders hears about this! Not to mention the Mushroom University Board of Governors, and the Toad Teachers Union, and the Red-Cap Political Action Committee, and the Circumlocution Office…and…and…”

Daisy froze as her hand hovered high in the air above Bowser’s bare, blushing red backside. 

Professor Toadsky choked. “...and the Ambassador for the Koopa Kingdom.”

[End of Chapter XX]