Bowsette’s Princess Lessons: Chapter V: The Mario Maker

 Bowsette’s Princess Lessons: 

Chapter V: The Mario Maker

By Yu May

Peach led the group up to the castle walkway that surrounded the central tower. A stained-glass image of Peach holding her hands in prayer decorated the doorway behind them. Before them sat a massive, yellow question mark block, with an engraved image impressed into the dot of the question mark. Peach beamed as she gestured to it. “This was designed by Professor E. Gadd. You have him to thank for designing the Poltergust 5000 that Luigi used to rescue you from King Boo!”

Bowser lifted an eyebrow as he strained his memory. To him, the image only looked like a big nerd in thick glasses. “Isn’t he the same guy who built that super-soaker-thing Mario used to ruin my vacation at Delfino Island?”

Peach hoped she hadn’t just put Professor E. Gadd onto Bowser’s list of potential kidnapping victims. “Um…if you mean the F.L.U.D.D., then yes? E. Gadd designed that as well! But I programmed most of the levels for the Mario Maker myself…I had some free time the last time I was waiting for Mario to rescue me!”

Peach slapped the top of the question mark box, and it glowed with an inner-light. Then, the lid popped open and a torrent of bricks, blocks, pipes, and clouds exploded into the sky, rearranging themselves into an obstacle course high above the castle grounds below. The question mark on the front of the box spiraled, before shifting into a touch screen displaying the words “World 1-1.”

Daisy huffed. “Ugh! Do we have to do this one again? I’ve done it a thousand times!”

Peach giggled. “Don’t worry, Daisy! I have some special guests arriving soon! We’re going to be adding a few twists to the old levels!”

There was an awkward silence, before Peach elbowed Daisy. “Daisy? It’s your line!” Peach whispered.

 

Daisy started, then pulled out a set of index cards, and started reading her lines stiffly. “Oops! Uh…Ooooh, nooooo! We can’t use the Mario Maker until everyone has signed the waiver! Bowser…if you want to…um…”

“Join us! If you want to join us!”

“Is that what it says? How am I supposed to read these curvy, squiggly letters, Peach? Oh! Uh… Bowser, If you want to join us, you will have to sign and date on the dotted line…right here?”

Mario wiped his brow to hide his nerves. He wasn’t sure what Peach was up to, but it was obvious Peach was up to something. Thankfully, Bowser was too engrossed by the Mario Maker to notice. As he pressed the touch screen, the display changed to “World 1-2” and the obstacle course immediately began to rearrange itself. “Woah! This thing rules! …Hey! I recognize this castle design! This is one of mine!” 

Bowser flashed Peach a devious smile. “Peach! You naughty little minx! You’ve been copying my castle designs…and this one’s from Super Koopa Cousins! My kids play that game all the time!”

Peach bobbed her head nervously as she poked Daisy to offer Bowser the clipboard. Her original plan had been to distract Bowser by batting her eyelashes while Daisy would casually ask Bowser to sign the waiver. Late last night, it had seemed like a brilliant ruse in Peach’s head. “That’s right! I based my first few obstacle course designs off of old video game levels, but more recently I’ve been trying more creative, original concepts.”

Daisy took a final, desperate glance at her cheat sheet before giving up and throwing it away. “Yup! The Mario Maker is pretty rad! I’ve been trying to break Mario’s high score for weeks! So if you’re ready to give it a shot, let’s sign this waiver real quick and…”

Bowser finally tore his eyes off the incredible obstacle course as it rearranged itself into a new design, then snatched the clipboard and pen away from Daisy. “Ugh! Government paperwork! Can’t a guy do anything without getting buried in red tape, then drowned in red ink? Let’s just sign it and…” 

Bowser narrowed his eyes, then pulled a pair of reading classes from his handy turtle shell compartment and examined the waiver form more closely. “Release of Liability…What’s this one? Princess Academy Code of Conduct? What’s that for?”

Peach quailed as Bowser stared her down. Thanks to his new, feminine form, Bowser’s look gave him the air of being Peach’s mother, and Peach felt like she had just been caught with her hand in the cookie jar. “That is…uh…”

Behind Bowser’s back, Daisy was urgently mouthing the words, “Lie to him!” hoping Peach could read her lips.

Peach swallowed. “...To tell you the truth, Bowser, you don’t need to sign that one to use the obstacle course.”

“No! What are you doing?” mouthed Princess Daisy.

Bowser curled his lip. “Then why does it have a place for my signature?”

“Well, like it says, that form is the Code of Conduct for students of the Princess Academy. You’ll recall I invited you to join Daisy and me as a fellow princess? Of course, I understand that you’re a king, not a princess, so you don’t have to sign that one if you don’t want to.”

Bowser snorted. “Looks like a bunch of prissy rules about manners and politeness…Never raise your dress above the ankle? Never belch at the table? Sounds like a total drag!”

“Noooooo!” screamed Daisy, silently.

Peach nodded, as if she agreed fully with Bowser that the Princess Code of Conduct was totally lame. “It’s certainly difficult! I love being a princess, but not everyone has what it takes.”

“Bah! How hard can it be? Bake a few tea cakes, dance at a few balls, sit on a few parade floats!” Bowser imitated the stiff hand wave of a beauty queen. Behind him, Daisy pantomimed the act of strangling and curb stomping him.

Toadette lost her patience. “That’s not all being a princess is about! Being a princess means taking on responsibility! Princess Peach and Princess Daisy never stop working to help others! They have to embody poise, dignity, and grace at all times!”

“Yeah! And you have to be ready to fight for your people, even to lay down your life if necessary!” bellowed Princess Daisy. At the sound of this interruption, Bowser turned to look over his shoulder to catch sight of Daisy gnashing her teeth and cracking her knuckles behind his back. 

Embarrassed, Daisy stood at attention, imitating Princess Peach’s demure posture. “Um, and that manners stuff is important, too!”

Peach snatched the clipboard from Bowser’s dainty fingers, surprising herself at how easy it was to pry it from his grip. “Yes! Daisy and I are actually taking a refresher course before this year’s Grand Mushroom Kingdom Ball. I wouldn’t bother with that one, Bowser. The Princess Academy regimen is infamous! Very few can make the cut!”

“Hey! I wasn’t finished with that!” whined Bowser, snatching it back. Then, a devious idea occurred to him. “Of course, Peach wants to use these little princess lessons to try and persuade me to be ‘nice to people,’ and ‘renounce my bad guy ways!’ Ha! Oh, Peaches, you’re so adorably transparent! But I can use this to find an opportunity to escape, with Peach in tow!”

Bowser grinned as he flipped through the pages of the Princess Academy Code of Conduct. “Manners, ethics, education, discipline…Bah, humbug! I think I can handle a few princess lessons. Where do I sign?” Bowser snatched the red pen from the clipboard and licked the end of it.

Peach put a hand on the clipboard before he could sign, a guilty look on her face. “Wait, Bowser! You really should read that before you sign it. The Princess Code of Conduct is a sacred oath. It’s not something to be entered into lightly.”

Daisy forgot to keep her poker face. “C’mon, Peach! We’ve already got him, hook, line, and sinker!” thought Daisy.

Bowser smirked, then signed his name on the dotted line with a flourish. “There! I’m signed up for your little Princess Academy lessons! I can’t wait for us to have some girl-to-girl bonding time, Peach-Hips!” Then Bowser planted a playful slap on Peach’s rump. 

That was too much for Mario. Breaking his silent vigil, he marched to stand between Peach and Bowser. “Keep your hands to yourself, Koopa.”

“Yeah! Only I get to slap Peach’s ass, encouragingly!” fumed Daisy!

Bowser stared at his offending hand, as if it had slapped Peach’s backside of its own accord. “That’s odd! I’d never have dared to try that before?”

Peach felt equally incensed by the sneak-attack spank, and shocked that Bowser would actually lay a hand on her. Somehow, now that Bowser was a woman, he was much more of a male chauvinist than he’d ever been as a man! But Peach couldn’t risk having a brawl break out on the narrow castle tower walkway. With an effort, Peach ignored the affront to her dignity, and giggled sweetly, before patting Daisy playfully on the behind. “Oh, Daisy, Bowser’s one of us now! What’s a little love-tap between girl friends?”

Daisy hopped forward as she felt the playful swats. “Huh? Well, if you don’t mind, Peach, I guess I don’t mind! I just remembered you were always sensitive about your butt getting–”

“Why don’t we get started on our morning exercises!” Peach interrupted, before Daisy could describe her getting her bare ass slapped with a wet towel in the girls’ locker room in exhaustive detail in front of Mario.

Daisy nodded exuberantly. “Yeah! Let’s do it!” 

Peach pulled a small lady’s watch from around her neck. “Then there’s only one more thing we need! Some friends to help us bring this obstacle course to life. They should be arriving any moment…now!”

As if on cue, the castle tower door opened, and most of Mario’s old adventuring party arrived. Bombette the Bob-omb, Parakarry the Parakoopa, Lady Bow the Boo, Watt the Sparkie, Mrs. Sushie the Cheep-Cheep, Lakilester “Spike” the Lakitu, Koops the Koopa, Madame Flurrie the wind spirit, Gonzalez Jr. the Yoshi kid, Vivian the Shadow Siren, Admiral Bobbery the Bob-omb, and Ms. Mowz the Squeek. Bringing up the rear was Koopie-Koo and Goombaria.

“Everyone present, and accounted for, your Highness!” huffed Admiral Bobbery, in his sharp, sailor’s accent.

Koops’ fiance, Koopie-Koo pressed her way through the throng to introduce herself to Princess Peach, before hugging her husband-to-be. “Thanks for inviting us, Princess Peach! This will be my first chance to show Mario what I can really do! I’m not quite as strong as my future hubby, but I’m still a trooper!”

Koops’ blushed furiously. “Now, Koopie-Koo, none of that false modesty. You know you’re downright tenacious when you make up your mind to do something!”

Koopie-Koo narrowed her eyes. “Oh? So you’re saying I’m stubborn?”

“...Um…uh…In a good way, Koopie-Koo?”

Koopie-Koo surprised Koops with a kiss. “Why, thank you, Boopie-Boo!”

Bowser faked retching at the sight of this public display of affection.

Then, to everyone’s surprise, Daisy slapped Bowser across his wide, curvy, bouncy, jiggly, bubble butt, hard enough to produce a thunderclap. “I can’t wait! Nothing like a little friendly competition between princesses, right Princess Bowser?” 

Bowser winced, but with an effort, he swallowed his urge to scream. “Yeah, we’re all princesses now! Say, here’s an idea! How about a little wager, just between me and you, Daisy? In the spirit of friendly competition, after we finish this obstacle course, what say the winner gets to spank the loser?” Then Bowser landed a reverberating slap of his own across Daisy’s toned, muscular behind. 

Daisy took a sharp breath, before flashing Bowser a menacing smile. “Bowser, that’s the smartest thing I’ve heard you say yet! You’re on!”

“Oh my God! What is going on?” thought Luigi.

“Ooh, la la! We haven’t even started, and I can already tell this is going to be fun!” cooed Ms. Mowz.

With that, Peach pressed a finger against the Mario Maker, and adjusted the setting back to World 1-1. With a whoosh, the obstacle course dissolved and rearranged itself in a spectacular flourish. Far below them stretched the palace grounds, then Toad Town, which extended to the star-shaped fortress walls that protected the Mushroom Kingdom. Towards the end of the obstacle course, they could make out the shape of a bulky castle floating on air, a star flag raising into the sky on a pole before it: the finish line.

Peach beamed with pride at the sight. “Then, let’s begin!”

[End of Chapter V]