The Author’s Barely Disguised Fetish, Revealed

 Bowsette's Princess Lessons

Chapter XXII: The Author’s Barely Disguised Fetish, Revealed

[Editor’s Note: After a long, our team finally discovered the script for an unproduced “Lost Episode.” The script included a hand-written note in red ink which read, ‘Are you kidding? No way we can put this on network television.’]

Bowsette awoke with a start, snorting, his/her red hair in a tangled mess. “Gah! What an awful dream!

Bowsette rubbed his/her eyes, smacking his/her lips. As the camera cut, Bowsette’s hair suddenly turned blond. In fact, every single time the camera cut, Bowser’s entire color palette swapped. This was likely either a spectacular series of animation errors, or some smart aleck’s idea of a visual gag. “Hey, waittaminnit! I’m still having a dream…so that means…”

Bowsette clawed at the wall, tearing a hole in the very fabric of reality. The wall ripped aside like a curtain, revealing a little woman with thick spectacles typing on a lap top, wearing Super Mario Bros. themed pajamas. Hanging above her bed was a cheeky poster of Donkey Kong that said, “You May Spank It…Once!”

The woman started as she spotted Bowsette staring at her through the dimensional break in the fourth wall. “...Uh oh.”

Bowsette snarled, and grabbed the woman by the collar. “I knew it! You’re the one responsible for everything that’s been happening to me!”

The woman flailed her arms and kicked her feet, uselessly, dangling like a mouse from Bowsette’s claws! “Eek! N-now, let’s not be hasty. Why don’t we introduce ourselves? I’m Yu May! And I’m just a humble fan-fiction author. There’s no need to get upset!

“No need? Because of you, I’m stuck in this prison cell. What am I supposed to do? Spend years waiting for the sequel, while my kids wait for Daddy to come home?”

“Well, technically, only about one day has passed in your continuity since–”

Bowsette roared, bending Yu May across his knee. “Enough! Prepare for punishment, nerd!”

Yu May’s eyes popped open as she felt Bowsette tugging down her Super Mario pajama pants with one clean yank, revealing her dorky “Cat Peach” panties from Walmart. “No! You can’t do this! It’s going to ruin the immersive experience!”

Bowsette clapped Yu May hard, smack across the center of her petite bottom. “Oh yeah? How’s this for an immersive experience!”

Yu May squealed, kicking her feet. “Eek! No! I can’t willingly suspend my disbelief that this is happening to me!” 

Bowsette delivered two spanks, more quickly, one across each of Yu May’s buttocks. “Well, too bad, so sad! Thanks to you, I’ve been getting by butt blistered, battered, and burned! So, now it’s your turn!”  

Yu May howled, her legs shivering as she bounced from the impacts, her bottom already a rose-pink color after only three swats. “Yowwie! This is not nearly as fun as I imagined imagining it would be! Ow! Ouch! Owwie, wow-wow!”

Bowsette scowled as he/she increased the speed of the spanking to a rapid-fire pace. “And don’t think I don’t know your type. You’re one of those disgusting dirty-girls who post self-insert fan-fics on the internet! Just look at these absurd underpants! Well, I know exactly what to do with dorks like you!”

Grabbing the waistband of the aforementioned undergarments, Bowsette tugged them tight, pulling them over Yu May’s head in an atomic wedgie. Bowsette rolled back his/her head and laughed. “Bwa ha har! How do you like being degraded and humiliated? Not so fun, is it? Being put on public spectacle, being made a laughing stock, being…”

Bowsette froze. “Wait a minute…are you enjoying this?”

Still wearing her underpants on her head, Yu May twisted to look over her shoulder, looking bashful. “...Maybe?”

Groaning, Bowsette slapped his/her own face. “Ugh! Disgusting! How am I supposed to ruthlessly bully you?”

“Well, you could always try verbal abuse. I’m a pretty sensitive person.”

Bowsette stroked his/her chin, humming. Then Bowsette gently pulled Yu May’s panties back down, releasing her from the atomic wedgie. They were slightly rumpled from being stretched so roughly. Bowsette patted Yu May’s bottom gently. “You poor thing! I bet you had some sort of traumatic childhood experience that really messed you up, didn’t you?”

Yu May nodded, her eyes watery. “Yeah, you see, I got spanked a lot as a kid. As a result, I developed a psychological condition known as–”

Bowsette yanked Yu May’s panties down, revealing her bare backside to the camera. “Don’t care! Clearly, you need lots more spanking, or you wouldn’t be bent over my knee. This scrawny little butt’s just begging for it!” 

Bowsette began the spanking again, and this time, Yu May’s squeals became more desperate. “Yeeow! Hey! Watch it! You’re going to get us labeled NSFW!”

“You’re in no position to argue. I’m going to spank you until you agree to write a new story, where I marry Princess Peach, and live happily ever after!”

“Never, you fiend! I refuse to compromise on my artistic integrity!”

“Said the Super Mario Brothers erotic spanking fetish fan-fiction author.”

Yu May flinched, then reached into her hoodie pocket. “Oh yeah? Well, how about…this!”

Yu May held aloft the most overpowered weapon in all of fiction: a smart phone. “Maybe my story is an absurd, self-indulgent fan-fiction, but I’m still the author of this story! Unhand me, you brute!”

Bowsette sneered, and delivered a final, reverberating slap. “Or else, what?”

Wincing, Yu May opened the Google Docs app and navigated to her unfinished rough drafts. She bit her lip as she typed. “And then…Bowsette’s…boobs…got…bigger.”

And then, Bowsette’s boobs got bigger. Bowsette stared down at his/her watermelon-sized breasts. “Aaargh! What did you do?”

And then, Bowsette’s boobs got even bigger, expanding like two, bouncy beach balls!

Bowsette grasped his/her steadily inflating breasts with horror. “All right! All right! You win! Just put me back to normal!”

Yu May grinned wickedly. “Gladly! And then…Bowsette’s…breasts…shrunk…back to…their normal…size.”

And then, Bowsette’s breasts shrunk back to their normal size.

Yu May whistled with relief. “Phew!”

Bowsette touched his/her breasts experimentally, perhaps afraid that Yu May would recycle that idea in a later chapter. Then Bowsette pinched the back of Yu May’s hoodie, lifting her up like a kitten. “Hey, before I let you go…why’d you write this fan fiction anyway?”

Blushing, Yu May covered her front as she noticed her Princess Peach panties dangling across her knees, and her Super Mario pajamas dangling across her ankles. “Oh…well, you know what they say: ‘Being a writer is like showing your butt to the world.’ Once I got started writing, it was like I was finally able to share something about myself, that I’d never been able to talk about before. 

Yu May stared through the other fourth wall, looking right at the camera. “So, to everyone reading my silly stories…spank you very much!”

Bowsette rolled his/her eyes, bouncing Yu May by her hoodie so that she twisted around, revealing her bare butt to the camera. “Ack! Gag me with a spoon!”

Then, Bowsette delivered a spank with such force, Yu May went flying through the hole in the fabric of reality, back into her own world. Still bare bottomed, Yu May smacked face first against the poster of Donkey Kong’s plump rear end, then flopped down onto her bed. Her eyes were cartoony spirals, and she had a goofy grin on her face.

Bowsette spotted a zipper hanging in mid air, and zipped it to close the tear in the fabric of reality. “There, that’ll teach her! Finally, I can concentrate on achieving my inevitable victory! And now that I know I’m in a fan-fiction written by an autistic woman with a thinly-veiled spanking fetish, I can use this forbidden knowledge to my advantage! Oh, just think of the plot implications! First, I’ll–”

Bowsette snapped awake from a deep sleep, looking groggily around the room. “Woah! That was strange. I dreamt I was trapped in some sort of absurd fan fiction, only to wake up at the end and realize…it was all just a dream. Ugh, I hate those kinds of cop-out endings. Talk about corny. Anyway, back to sleep!”

Bowsette settled back down onto bed, and instantly started snoring. “Honk! Mi-mi-mi-mi!”

Is was the most restful sleep Bowsette had gotten in ages, full of dreams where the good guys always lose, and the bad guys always win.

The End